10 year old quits studies

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he wont go to the school and meet the teacher since its after noon time and he is in office at that time
boarding school im not that brave and bold to go and take such a big decision
without support
since it involves lot of money as donation also.

Hold on. You are supposed to donate to (bribe?) the school if your child has low grades? And you have to decide the donation?

Can you postpone the meeting sot hat your husband to go? It would be better for him to deal with this so he can learn what you are dealing with and have to shoulder some of it, too.

ya there are lot of donations involved in school admission we have to pay large amounts

yes this time i wont go thats for sure....will make stupid husband go

I strongly agree with this. If you disagree with your husband about how to raise your child (even if you're right), you need to find a way to see it from your husband's perspective too. You need to come to him with some humility, respect and appreciation for his position, so that you can then win him over to your side. If you start from the position that your husband is "stupid", then any conversation about the issue will likely put him on the defensive and will lead nowhere.

So what are things that you can respect about your husband's position? I think the first one is that he clearly cares about your son and is willing to work hard to provide for his needs. Even if he's misguided in his approach, that is the important piece. You need to keep that forefront in your mind, so that you guys can solve this thing together, rather than as adversaries battling it out. Just, as you're walking him through your reasoning, remind him that you are concerned with both, the short-term needs and the long-term needs. It's probably good for your son to have one parent watching out for each of those, you guys just need to come to a place of balance and cooperation on the issue.

edit: one more thing - I see this issue a lot with dads who don't spend as much time as they'd like with their kids: They are afraid of doing anything that will make the kids not like them, or ruin some of the short amount of time that they have together. I think it's important for dads in this position to understand that the kids (usually) adore them, and will work twice as hard for their affection. It's up to them to set boundaries and rules that are realistic and possible for the kids to follow, and when they do, the kids will work hard to please them, and they can still wind up with a solid relationship, and lots of fun times.

[quote="EmileMulder"]

edit: one more thing - I see this issue a lot with dads who don't spend as much time as they'd like with their kids: They are afraid of doing anything that will make the kids not like them, or ruin some of the short amount of time that they have together. I think it's important for dads in this position to understand that the kids (usually) adore them, and will work twice as hard for their affection. It's up to them to set boundaries and rules that are realistic and possible for the kids to follow, and when they do, the kids will work hard to please them, and they can still wind up with a solid relationship, and lots of fun times.[/quote
great advice.
i need to understand his perspective
he was brought up in warring household
with a mentally sick mom
and a schizo brother who dominated and humiliated him
all said and done he has become weird
and im too depressed to understand his point of view
all i can do is to keep my sanity
lets see he is going to meet the teacher tomorrow.

Namaste, Namaste:
I am really feeling your pain, and aware that it's really hard for us to give relevant feedback because we are in such a different cultural situation. What I hear is you calling out in pain, overwhelmed already by your experiences in life, and now finding yourself in an untenable situation. I want to urge you to take the focus off your son, and get yourself the help you think he needs. See the psychiatrist (a woman if you can find one), talk about how depressed you are and what you're dealing with. I know depression; my life could be described much as you describe yours. I know that when I feel depressed everything seems insurmountable and overwhelming. Perhaps if you can heal a bit, the situation won't appear so impossible.
Bodhichitta over the miles.
Camela