How to talk to a teenager about Asperger's Syndrome

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Hi Well I was told when I was 11 I would sit him down and explain to him that his brain is made physically different and because of that he is classed as having Asperger's syndrome, which due to the brain being different makes him think differently.

i am not a crook

One question, why did you wait so long? When Z was dxd he was in the room with the doctor. He always wants to know what is happening to him and why, so we tell the doctors "talk to him , he understands". We do not allow him to use his dx as an excuse for bad behavior, but knowing he has the disorder gives him gives him the advantage of understanding why he has difficulty in certain situations.

I showed him this post and asked him about it. He said to just tell your son. Now Z is very literal and has great difficulty telling anything that is untrue. He said knowing has helped him use his mind to do better. He, like your son doesn't talk about his feelings, makes him uncomfortable, So my suggestion is to adress the issue intelligentlly and on a factual basis. Be ready to answer questions. Also be ready to allow him to process information and come back later. Be ready to tell him why you waited 5 years to tell him. Be ready for him to be angry and not to be able to tell you why even though you know. Be ready to help him to understand emotions in himself and others.

Ruby 1, I don't mean to sound as if I am picking on you, but think... if you were dxd with a physical disease, wouldn't you liketo know so you could help treat the condition?

Good luck, let us know how it tirns out.

My parents just told me that there was something wrong with my brain.

How did you take that?

I would think that would have sent myself or my son into a full fledged crisis! Now, I could understand saying, "you brain works differently" "or you can't process information in certain ways, so you have different ways" but just "your brain does not work right!" That would have freaked me out!

Point well take EC, [may I shorten your name as I have Z's? If it offends, I won't next time] AS is not a death sentence. As SueJ said stress the positive. Your son just sees things differently than his NT classmates and has difficulties in areas they take for granted. It doesn't mean his brain is wrong just different. Z's says being different is a good thing. "wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same. Bordom is his biggest foe.

Stress your son's pros, and let the cons be seen as overcomable obstacles not insurmountable barriers. I have worked with a number of young people over the years and have found that in all but 2 cases positive reinforcement is far more beneficial than dwelling in the negative. These kids ar great, all they need is a chance. Go for it!

You have to begin teaching the nuts and bolts of social interaction cognitively and how can one do that without a thorough explanation of why they are being treated differently. As far as getting out of normal school things because of the DX, well I really don't care. None of the "normal" things did me a bit of good and left huge emotional scars.

The successful, well-adjusted aspies are the ones who accept and make a different kind of life for themselves, those who find jobs which use their special interests, instead of always being set up to fail in a social work environment. School is nothing like real life; we all KNOW this. High school teaches NT kids to excel socially and teaches aspie kids to fail.

I think adjustments - such as distance learning - need to be and should be made. When we were at a crossroads with poor choices for my son's high school, I communicated with Dr. Uta Frith and she told me that distance learning was the way to go. And I'm so glad we did as we now have a happy, well-adjusted aspie instead of one who is threatening to commit suicide like many I see here whose parents have forced them into unbearable situations.

Focus on the positive aspects of AS and use them instead of having unrealistic expectations of not giving in to the AS as if it were something that the child is fighting, instead of the child's personality. Teach the child how to work with their personality instead of against it. That seems like common sense to me, but I don't have a strong desire to be just like everyone else. The most important thing a parent can do for their aspie child is to accept and love him/her. Without a basic, positive schema of self, the child will never be successful nor happy in life.

Read Attwood's advice: "Congratulations, you have Asperger's Syndrome!" The Cat book is pretty good.