Neighbor of Autistic Child - Advice Please

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1) Could be either. Stimming can mean either too. I think sometimes blocks out unwanted stimulus and sometimes is happiness (both of my kids have some negative stims and some positive stims, I think).
2) Some severely autistic kids are really hard to engage. I can engage my son for maybe 30 seconds before he's off again. It takes 1-1 with no distractions to interact, so in daily life, yeah he spends a lot of time alone. My kids also do loads of therapy but that stuff is unbelievably expensive.
3) They almost certainly can't make him stop anyway so I don't really see the point. Do you think they are immune to the noise?

Parents of severely autistic children are usually quite used to people staring, complaining, being rude, etc. etc. etc. I'm sure you won't be the first one to complain (or the last). When your child is not welcome anywhere on this earth except maybe locked in a sound-proof basement, defensiveness does tend to be the jerk reaction when strangers approach. I understand where you're coming from though. There is no quick fix though.

Unrelated: ASDMommy, that's a great description of stimming!

Don't think it WOULD be social services worthy even if the OP tried. I know because we had loud partying neighbours a while ago, and the City would do nothing, because technically they werent partying "off hours" (per the ordinance). UGH, trying telling that two young children who wouldn't sleep due to the noise ! (The City *was* sympathetic to the seniors who complained but couldn't really do anything about it).

My friend teaches at a special school for autistic children, it is my natural conclusion that the girl has autism from both her symptoms and the fact my friend talked to her and mentioned after that she went to her school.

I know they can't help the noise but maybe I guess I was thinking they could take her inside a bit earlier so the noise doesn't keep my babies awake. Having said that she could bang on the joining wall instead then, but that somehow isn't as noisy. Like I said though I won't say anything as I appreciate it is very difficult for them. Also what you say about verbal stimming being necessary - this is the sort of thing I was looking for, I wanted to understand why it happens, I did not mean to offend you.

It might be worth going round to explain that you have babies and you're finding it difficult to get them to sleep at 7pm, and ask if they could take their child inside at that time. Personally, I'd find it difficult to have that conversation, but it might be better for all of you if you are honest about the problem, and that it is really the garden time which is most problematic. The parents are likely to be quite isolated and you could try to get to know them better - maybe approach it from that angle - and ask if there's anything you can do to help them out over the summer holidays - getting shopping for them or asking them if they'd like to come round to yours for a coffee sometime.

I was the one who expressed concern, although I didn't mention social services. I just felt that the fact that the child was outside alone could be a sign that the parents were struggling to cope. That might not be case, but it is a possibility.

You are right to add the blocking out of stimulus, too. My son does that, also. It is hard to remember all the reasons for it. It is a fix for so many things.

You are probably right about that. It can be very hard, sometimes.

It is a good idea to not say anything (hopefully you have been completely talked out of it). It's not just because it's difficult for them. Talking to them to bring her in at 7 because of her noise would set a precedent your own kids probably couldn't live up to once they are older. Your own kids aren't screaming in the yard at 8:30PM now but it's quite likely they will be in a few years.

Live and let live. Cut others some slack because the time will come when you need others to cut you slack over noisy kids,

I haven't been around for a while but reading through the replies to this, I am shocked by the bitching and negativity that is on this forum.

The OP has stated many a time that he did not mean to offend and it is a difficult topic to broach for an NT with limited knowledge of autism.

We know, more than NT's how difficult constant noise can be to our senses. The OP has not ranted on about how angry and indifferent about the child he is, he stated that he WANTED TO UNDERSTAND.

I am really disappointed in this forum, many times people on here say how they want NT's t understand autism...well, here is your chance. Just don't blow it.

(Obviously am not aiming this at all of you)

I must be missing something here. What am I missing?

I would be very bothered by the noise as would most people. Further, I am not understanding how it would be acceptable to leave a 9 or 10 year old child out in the yard, screaming, regardless of the weather. Screaming by any human being indicates some level of distress. And this child needs to receive help engaging with the world, not be left outside like an animal.

Only I don't think the authorities would allow this if it were an animal we were talking about.

Were it me I would call social services. The fact that this child has autism does not mean she isn't a person or should be left out alone with no comfort.

What she should be doing is receiving occupational therapy if available to help her with whatever is making her scream and support and engagement by other people.

Is this child perhaps living in a country where such services aren't available?

I agree with Bonafan. The harshness with which this very polite and sensitive OP has been greeted has shocked me a bit. There needs to be compassion and understanding for the parents of an austistic child who screams all day (and also for that child). But can nobody ALSO have compassion for a couple of new parents with babies? Those infants deserve to get some sleep. This is a very difficult situation for BOTH parties.

Instead, everyone attacked the OP even though he or she came here with complete humility, trying hard to word the post in such a way that didn't cause offence.

To the OP: I'm sorry you've had a rough experience here right off the bat, when you were clearly only seeking advice from people you assumed would be able to give it. I'm afraid Wrong Planet is a harsh place -- when I first came here I was appalled at how I was treated. I stuck around I guess, but I would still say this is a brutal environment, NOT a supportive or understanding one, and you just found that out.

Lotta angry people here when I can see clearly you weren't trying to be lacking in compassion to this autistic child next door. I get it. You are concerned about chronic lack of sleep for your own very, very young children and that's completely understandable.

I think you could very carefully approach your neighbors -- don't even bring up autism, just note the screaming, offer to help in any way if there's anything they need, then tell them you feel awful raising this issue, but your own children are not able to sleep and are infants, could we find a way to bring your child inside at a certain time?

Yes your own kids will be "screaming in the yard" one day too, but possibly not the same kind of screaming described, so that's just a fight-talk comment from that person to begin with.

Lot of jerks on this site.

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To the OP: I would be extremely cautious approaching the parents. As this is a constant issue, I really feel concerned for the child, and for what may be a lack of understanding and compassion for their child. I may be overreacting, but I would be very cautious. These parents may not be very nice people and could make your life difficult.

I would call social services if you feel the child is at risk. Hours outdoors screaming and barely supervised just seems like waiting for disaster. Better to call if you're scared then wait and the child runs and is hurt in the process.

I think calling social services is a bit extreme, since the only person who is actually there, didn't seem worried about that... this question was about how to get the child to stop being loud...you'd think (hope) if the child's welfare was in concern, the question wouldn't be how to get the parents to get their child to shut up, but rather how to help the child...no?

When people say something is happening "constantly" they usually don't mean literally constantly- they just mean a lot. Obviously if the child is literally being left out for 14 hours and screams for the entire 14 hours, and is out in every kind of weather, like tornadoes and such..yeah that would be cause for concern. But I read that as being a bit of an exaggeration (which is an extremely common way to word things).

I don't agree that screaming necessarily indicates distress. I know lots of kids (autistic AND NT as a matter of fact) who scream when they are happy. Also, I don't think anybody was saying that having a child screaming wouldn't be annoying. Yes, it would be annoying. I can only speak for myself, but when I answered, I said I don't think the parents can stop it, and I think that's still true. Regardless of whether or not it's acceptable (I don't think it is acceptable, BTW), it's going to happen anyway.

Now I'm going to launch into a story. When my eldest son was 3, he went through a really awful time. My second was a newborn and cried a lot, and I think the crying was hard on his ears, and in addition, he was newly dx'd with autism, and his STUPID doctor just gave me drugs to give him. I was overwhelmed, and I screwed up big time, and trusted the dr without doing much research of my own- gave him the drug, which I think he had a reaction to. During this time, he would literally cry the entire time he was awake. Literally. He didn't even eat- he lost a tonne of weight. He would just cry, arch his back, and this is when he started self-injuring- he banged his head, scratched his arms, and bit his hands. And I left him alone a lot at this time, because he hates being touched (always has), and me hovering and trying to be with him, just made it worse.

At the time, we lived in an apartment. We couldn't afford to move out. So I wrote these notes and bought ear plugs and chocolate for all of our neighbours, and the people directly below us (as he would knock everything over and make a lot of thumping). I basically begged the landlord not to evict us (and also our neighbours in my note explanation that there is something seriously wrong with my child, and I'm very sorry that we are the worst neighbours EVER, but I care about this child more than you, so all I can do is apologise, please forgive me.

Worst time of my life, and his too I imagine. But apparently we had nice neighbours, because we were not evicted. I appreciate that. (I also sent out thank-you cards after the storm had passed).

So yes, it was bad that my child was in this state. No denying that and I'm not trying to. Yes, the neighbours had EVERY RIGHT to complain and get us evicted. I don't know if there are laws about this, but probably, because he was REALLY LOUD and it lasted for hours and hours. However, that would have been the case, regardless of where we were. Sure, we could have been evicted, but then he would have drove other people crazy. So the eviction wouldn't fix the problem. It might fix a few people's problem- but it doesn't fix it overall because other people are then effected instead.

This whole thing is not exactly the same because I don't know that the child in this original post is going through something horrible. This may just be how they are (my other child is just loud in general, so that's entirely possible), but I think the point is, as much as it sucks for the OP, complaining won't really fix it. It's not that s/he doesn't have every right to complain. It's just that won't really accomplish anything...

I'm not trying to be mean by that (I'm probably boring everyone to tears with this story).

Edited a typo.

My worry is that children with autism can seem so strange that if you are unfamiliar with the child, and unfamiliar with autism, it can be confusing what is happening.

Too many of us who have ASD were perceived as too different to care about when we were young, and that is IMO why there is so much sadness on WrongPlanet in the other forums, that is IMO why the high rates of depression and suicidality in people with ASD.

The OP asked for help understanding the child's behavior. What was written about the negatives of children screaming and crying here included an effort to move past the problem and to be there for our children. And that is where I'm stuck. We don't know the quality of the child's screams, if they sound desperate to the OP I would like her to trust that feeling is real for that child, even if the child seems quite strange.

My daughters friend started stimming and wailing yesterday. All the other moms ignored her, they just did nothing. Yes, the other girl is very high functioning, but she is autistic, so I suppose maybe she seemed strange, I walked closer and saw she'd landed herself in front of a sea dead dead bugs. She just had a different reaction, it was easy to fix once I went near her and saw. But before that, as she saw them and was starting to escalate, there she was, alone, knowing she was bothered by the dead bugs, thinking (I imagine) the other girls and all the moms should be bothered, yet seeing everyone ignore her. She's a person, the things that bother her quite understandable and shared by many, just that the way she shows it, well, that isn't the same at all. But I don't think she knows why it is that sometimes, no one seems to care.

I hope this child is physically safe. She does not sound though like she gets the love thalt posters here lavish on their children. And her parents are not you here, either.

I agree that perhaps the child and family described could use more support. And it does not sound easy to live near at all. I admire the OP for seeking to learn more and wish we had given a kinder and warmer welcome.

It is reasonable to ask the parents to bring in the child into the house earlier.
It is bizarre in the first place that the child is being left outside from 9 am to 9 pm.
Regardless of the parents coping or not coping, it is not good for the child to be left outside to do nothing but scream for 12 hours a day.
It is probably not good for your babies to listen to constant screaming during their early developmental period.

This is not a difficult or confusing problem. Get an air conditioner. It will keep your house cool and generate "white noise" as well. Problem solved.
And please remember that the neighbors' child is their "baby", too. She is as precious to them as yours are to you.