Will school ever be better?

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The mainstream kids have 4 classes this semester and then 4 classes next semester. I used to have 8 classes all year for most of high school and I found it easier to concentrate on the 4 classes at once when I went to semestered school in grade 12, although the classes felt really long during the day.

The AS class is supposed to have movies and activies that teach them about autism and they have some help with their regular school work. There are two AS teachers and 2 Educational Assistants for 10 kids, so I think it should be a good ratio. I have no idea about their training. She can go there any time she is having trouble in her regular classes too, so hopefully she will be there instead of always in the reflection room or in the principal's office. I know they learn a lot about Temple Grandin because they have her life rules on the bulletin board and her teacher quotes her a lot.

I am glad to hear that high school is supposed to be better than middle school. A lot of our problems in middle school were she was not diagnosed until last November and a lot of regular aspie behaviour was seen as deliberately being defiant.

I don't get it though. If it I voluntary then why is she expected to go like she is required to go? I don't get it.

Orientation is SUPPOSED to be a no-stress way to help students prepare for the school year. When done well it really is just that: low stress. While my ASD son isn't particularly fond of everything they do at orientation days, he does like getting his schedule and being able to use that to plan for the first day at school. Usually the kids are eager to get their schedules ahead of time and that, really, is what makes most want to attend orientation days. I know it can be hard since you are a single parent, and also because this wasn't an activity you were prepared for, but the orientation could have been used to ease the transition; I assume that is what the school was thinking. I kind of give that whole scenario a neutral grade.

Having the school fail to consider your schedule is never going to change. People with scheduling needs make a point to get in ahead of everyone else so they can pick the most suitable time. That is, hopefully, something you can learn to adapt to. Or use email and schedule phone calls; that works, too.

A lot of people seem to push meds. But when they asked in the past they've always respected my answer that I wanted to try everything else first (no one suggests it anymore, since my son had been doing relatively great for a while now; he's below his potential because of stress issues but still far above average overall, so outsiders have no hook to get concerned over).

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 27 Aug 2014, 5:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CubeDemon, when people with authority say something is voluntary it isn't always voluntary and you have to figure it out. Sometimes they are not allowed to make it obligatory, but the expectation is still there. Sometimes, it is b/c they know some people can't make it, but they judge the people who don't, just the same.

School admins and teachers believe that if a parent cares, then they will do the voluntary things and make their kids do the voluntary things. They don't seem to understand that not all parents have the luxury of dropping what they are doing (work, other family obligations, etc.) to show they care by doing what the school wants them to do. They also don't understand that might be good for one child might not be good for all.

Given that they themselves set these things up, it implies that they think they are valuable and should not be missed. Sometimes they can be reasonable when you say that your kid is different, if they have some understanding of the child's deal, but usually not. Sometimes they will understand that a parent has to put food on the table and can't take off from work willy-nilly. Even if they understand it intellectually, the fact that other parents manage it seems to make them think everyone can.

Some districts and schools are worse than others in their expectations depending on how much general push-back they get from parents. Unfortunately, they also tend to correlate uninvolvement with thinking they can run the (figurative) asylum how they want, so that is not good either.

It is a thousand times worse when you have a kid that is "high-maintenance" and whose well-being is even more tied to teachers liking and approving of you.

It should not have to be that way, but that is how it is.

ps - I've never really made it an option for my kids, if we are home: they go to the orientation event. Not something we've argued about; I just put in on the calendar and treat it like a school day. In our schools, they get their schedules, all the paperwork gets turned in, they buy their PE uniforms, they get their pictures taken, they get their lockers, and so on ... basically, all that stuff is now out of the way. When we've been out of town they've missed it, but then it takes a while to get all the t's crossed and i's dotted; so much easier to start out with it all done.

BUT, my kids don't have anxiety issues. If they did, my answer would have been to volunteer at the event - there are always calls for adult volunteers, so that is easy to do. But I can understand how that isn't an option when you work full time (I work part time).

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what you just said. I understand that the schools have these expectations and will judge. What I don't grasp is why call it voluntary when analyzes it, it truthfully is not and one will be punished in someway if one doesn't go. Why say A when it is non-A? It seems to me that these admins and teachers are talking out of both sides of their mouth. Can you explain this underlying logic to me because I am so lost on this one.

Wow, no wonder your DS had so many problems when he went to school. I bet he would be as confused as I am not. Personally, I see them as a bunch of BS artists. Why can't they call a spade a spade?

It is technically voluntary in that the consequences are subtle. Pissing off the teacher is a social consequence. Social consequences are generally not stated. They have to be inferred. The consequences vary based on who you are. No one is going to tell you that, partially because to some degree they are subconscious; and also b/c stated baldly it is obviously unfair. If a golden child, no problem child misses orientation, the teacher is more willing to deal with catching the child up than if the child is high maintenance. There are things that they would probably like to mandate that they cannot, which is also part of it.

I have no idea what our HS, here does. My son liked the open house evening that the little kids get before school starts. It was short and just involved meeting the teacher, dropping off supplies. picking up forms and then we'd go for ice cream after.

I don't think he would have liked it if it meant spending hours of a vacation day there, being expected to attempt to socialize and then no one helping him do so. We always went because for us, in the format we had, it was useful. If we didn't go, I am sure the teacher would not have been pleased b/c it would have thrown off her schedule. They like to get the supplies before school starts and to have the parents fill out forms, early. Even if we did not want to go, we would have felt pressure b/c we were really at the mercy of the teacher's good graces to a large degree to have his deal accommodated.

Ah! I get it. It's that social veneer thing. Well, more like they have a stick up their ass.




That's awesome that you two went for ice cream. What is his favorite flavor? Mine is Cookies and Cream.

Whoah! What do you mean by dropping off supplies? Why do you have to drop off supplies?

He prefers orange sherbet, but sometimes he will get something different.

Even though public school is "free" you are expected to get school supplies for your child (pencils, paper, art supplies, folders etc) and here, we also have to get some of the general supplies for the classroom like dry-erase markers etc. Many of the supplies are held in common, like pencils, b/c not all parents can afford/get the supplies for their own kids.

If we bought a particular thing that is extra sturdy/expensive for my son b/c he is rough on things, I made sure I put his name on it so he was more likely to get it. (Often they just pile up folders and binders and hand them out randomly) Another kid is not likely to want a binder, even if it is a bit sturdier, if it has another child's name written on it, really big. The teachers here take the pile of things and label things, set them up, and usually want to set them up early so they are ready on day 1. The districts do not allocate enough money for supplies, so if parents do not buy them, the teacher ends up doing it. Back in my day, at least where I went to school, general things were covered by the school. Now, not so much.

Many schools have started encouraging parents to prepay for a package of supplies through the school b/c then all the supplies get delivered at once, when they want it, and they get a kick-back and so use it as a fundraiser. Often that is more convenient for parents than shlepping to get supplies, although not necessarily cheaper. Plus the schools really prefer things to be standard so kids do not complain about being the only one with off-brand crayons or whatever. My son never cared about brands, but we liked being able to pick out things like sturdier binders and folders for him.

I put my son's name on every possible item this year, due to his tendency to misplace things. I hope his teacher isn't planning throw all the supplies in a pile!

BTW have you tried pineapple sherbert? It's sooo good.

I have not. I will have to check that out. My son is into SpongeBob,, now, so I bet he would like that. He tried pineapple frozen yogurt, so I bet he would.

That is what they do here. They didn't do that when I was a kid, where we lived, then.

I think they want to encourage people to buy basic things, so no one feels like they have crappy stuff if their parents don't buy more expensive things. When they wanted a more expensive brand they specified it. I don't know if they had some kind of reward program for those brands or something.

There is a very large economic disparity here, so I think that is why they do this. I learned about the big pile, the first year. I wrote my son's name on everything, but not big, and noticed that none of the stuff he had, had his name on it.

After that, anything I cared that he, himself got, I made sure to put his name on super big. I was not trying to be a jerk. It is just that my son is very rough on things, and if I did not do this, the teacher would be calling me after two weeks telling me I needed to replace things.

I hated having to provide supplies for my children in the younger grades - you would send all this new stuff and they never seemed to get to use their own stuff. I didn't realize that putting their names in big would have helped, although I cannot see me doing this with all 3 kids on each separate crayon, marker and pencil crayon.

I never did it on individual crayons or pencils, though I did put it on a special pair of scissors we got him b/c my lefty husband told me that the so called ambidextrous scissors on the list are still right-bladed, and it is better to get true left-handed scissors for a lefty kid. It would not have done a righty any good to have it anyway b/c then the righty wouldn't be able to cut well with it b/c it was left-bladed.

My AS daughter is a leftie too and her NT twin is a rightie. I wonder if it is common for aspies to be lefties.

I have heard it is more common, but I don't have any studies to say if it is statistically significant.

I have to agree that some kids on the spectrum do better when they can attend orientations. Transitions are hard, and easing into it gradually (one day, not the whole week...) can be better. When my dd started high school last year, we started the process in June. She went with her class to the school visit. (Oddly, I can't remember if I went with her; I did that (and sat at the back) with two of her brothers who weren't in one of the feeder schoolers at the time of the visit. I met with her teacher from M&R to find out how the process worked, and he said he would send info over to the high school. I went to the parents' orientation and got information, and talked to one of the M&R staff. The next week I emailed M&R to say I wanted to meet with them before the end of the year, went in and felt tremendously better. I went in to introduce them at the end of the school day one day. He told us we should come for a visit at the end of August.

At the end of the August I took her for a school tour (they were offered daily for a week because it is a big school and easy to get lost in). I emailed the M&R teacher, who is a hero in my books, and went in first by myself to talk to him. He got her timetable and talked to me about suggested changes. (Basically he handpicked the most helpful teachers and gave her a lighter load first semester.) Then we made an appointment for my dd to come in. He gave her the timetable and took her to meet some of her teachers and to find her way around. I could tell he was amazing because he started out explaining how the school was laid out, took her to the first class, then gradually pulled out the supports until he asked her to show him the way to the last class. He kept checking out her body language and verbal interaction; she was almost frozen at the beginning and by the end she was talking to him about what subjects she liked.

The first day of school each year (Tuesday) is Orientation for Grade 9s only; the second day is for Grades 10-12 only; it was a half day last year but a full day now. So she went to pick up her timetable (which she already had) and had a short time in each class. I was so proud of her, because she was thrown by the fact that she had to start in Homeroom even though Homeroom is in third period on her schedule that she missed her first period class, was late for her second period class, headed to homeroom again and then finally found a Grade 12 helper to get her back on track. Despite all this she came home saying she had a good day!

Sorry for the novel, but I wanted to explain how the repeated visits seemed to make her a lot more comfortable. By the end of the first week she said high school was fun!