how to get your kid to do stuff

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Remember that a kid on the spectrum is usually not able to articulate what the barriers are for them. You have to do detective work to figure out what the problem actually is and help them solve it.

I find I do better if I think of my son as a valued co-worker in these situations; kids with AS tend to respond better if you problem-solve with them as though they were a capable adult. This doesn't mean you toss them out there and expect them to do it, more that it takes a team approach where both of you try to figure out how to make things better.

I also find that we can work around the communication barrier if we use email, even if it feels silly to be emailing across the room.

Maybe so, maybe not. We live in Belgium at the moment where employment legislation is so anal she would be better off on disability but that would mean working in a protected environment doing dumbo jobs. She would have no trouble finding an employer the way the system works, she would get a placement.
We intend to return to the UK, something DD lives for. We have set a date for when she passes her GCSE equivalent and she knows her act has to be pulled together enough by then for her to function comfortably in UK society. Maths is her big stumbling block. I believe in crossing bridges when I get to them so the option that she won't cut the grade is always there. DD is 11 and only time will tell if she got what it takes. It's a comfort to know we have a safety net though albeit not one that any of us really want to have to use.


Wow, I'm no feminist by any means but most guys only get the illusion they make the choices in my experience. That is a topic in itself


This is where plan B comes into it. We are really working on her horsey skills at the moment on al levels. We have a goal set for Easter and if she reaches that goal she has a job lined up for the summer holidays already. If she doesn't reach the goal she doesn't get the job because I won't let her. I will do all I can to make her dreams come true but I won't lead her down the slippery slope of allowing her to pass responsibility of her own happiness to me. If I would let her do the job if she doesn't make the goal it would be putting an expectation on another person because DD could then not handle the horses she is familiar with on her own. And I am not prepared to do that. She can then try again for the next holiday. If she can do it she will most likely find an entry level job in the UK with horses based on experience
Call it self cultivation; which is a big word to use regarding an 11-yr old but that's what it is.

Not sure if I get the question here. Formal logic screws with my head and my reasoning is my own.

I believe we are born with an external locus of control.
An internal locus of control is learned behaviour I think.
And bonding and trust are involved on the very basic level as applicable to myself
I'm no theorist though. More of a critical thinker whom believes it ridiculous that my thinking patterns should be adhering to some Greek dude's definition of what constitutes logic.

Not really given it much serious thought before and my head is too mashed lately to do so now tbh but this is what a quick google gives me. https://www.google.co.uk/#q=locus+of+control+and+trust I can only speak for personal experience but I am who I am thanks to the people that did believe in me and whom could accept me for me rather than expecting me to live up to their expectations unlike those that seemed to have this pathological need to define me by their definitions reached by reasoning that was nonsensical to me at the time.
I am extreme. But so were my experiences...

I will look at the rest tomorrow but this stands out and I feel the need to respond. So, what you're saying is the guy has no say in whether he wants to date a particular woman? So, he can be bullied into it is what you're saying?

Just like a woman has a choice in who she dates. The guy also has a choice in who he dates as well. A relationship has to have mutual consent including the status. You can't bully those into dating those they don't want to date. So, for them to be dating, she has to choose to date him and he has to choose to date her, otherwise it's a form of slavery.

Did I misunderstand what you said? If so, what did you mean?

Yes you did misunderstand.
No, I can not explain without derailing this thread
The female of the species is more deadly than the male to quote a song

I understand about derailing the thread so I started a new one.

Okay, I started a new thread at viewtopic.php?f=19&t=272049

By the way, I liked the song.

Some good food for thought here. Thanks