11-yr old unable (unwilling?) to problem-solve

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I appreciate the new thread but am going to comment here once more on the issue of problem solving, because I think it is relevant to the OP's situation.

Obviously, individuals vary, and that includes ASD individuals. What I am describing is my experience with my father, husband, and son, all believed to be ASD.

They believe that every problem has a single, best solution, and enjoy the process of selecting and preparing that solution before attacking an issue. It is a very clean process and, when the solution works, often brilliant. All that is a good thing.

But the process derails if that solution does not actually work. They can't move onto finding a different plan. Unless they had a plan B (which is rare) or can figure out the flaw in the original plan quickly, then the problem must be unsolvable and, therefore, abandoned. After all, they invested a lot into thinking the issue through, and had truly selected the one, best, approach, in their system of logic.

But I don't stop there. I won't let go of a problem until it is actually solved. I have to run through a whole alphabet of plans before I let go. The problem never leaves my head, even if that means two years later I'm going, "oh, I should done Z!" I have had these individuals yelling at me that I'm wasting everyone's time and ruining things as I sit there and actually SOLVE the "unsolvable" problem. It is infuriating to have them so completely unable to see past that theoretically perfect plan A, or sometimes B, and be willing to just experiment. There is no room in their minds for messy, imperfect solutions that actually work, whereas that is how things usually actually get resolved, in my experience.

So I am wondering if the aquarium is like a perfect solution A, and that is why the child can't let go of it, even though the problem it once addressed is long past.

^^^I think that what you are describing is a personality trait instead of autistic trait, as I know autistic people who are not like that and neurotypical people who are, both are common.

I agree. I have also known people who thing that everything has some kind of rank order, even in contexts where this idea seems not to fit at all (which is the best blade of grass, leaf, sand grain, etc.) These were certainly NT people.

removing the ipad works for my child in getting to bed in time but not all kids, but behavior had nothing to do with fear.

My typical child developed a fear of the dark after watching a cute educational show. I have no problems with using a night light.

Ideas
1. Get a slightly dimmer night.
2. Have child go to bed 15 minutes earlier


If problems continue go to the doctor. There might be other issues other than the nightlight.

Out of curiosity, does your child snore? Has he had his tonsils removed?

DS went through a phase where his tonsils were so inflamed he developed sleep apnia - so there wasn't a way to solve the problem (and of course we didn't realize it until after it had been solved) without surgery. I have recently read that sleep apnia is wildly underdiagnosed, and I would bet that a kid on the spectrum would be more impacted by it than an NT kid.

I found that addressing my own apnia (with one of those simple nose-opener things you can buy in the drugstore) has not only made it easier to sleep, but also easier to FALL asleep. Just something to think about.

DS and myself both have the problem of any quiet time being torture because our minds race with circular thinking about everything that went wrong in our lives, ever. I think when DS used a night light, it provided some sensory stimulation to counteract the noise inside his head - he now uses a radio with a timer (I tend to fall asleep in front of the TV.) Can you figure out another sensory stimulation that might be more conducive to sleep but still help (weighted blanket, fidget, white noise generator, dimmable light, etc.)

I think you handled the situation pretty well, though - there does come a point in one's life where you have to both work through sleep deprivation and learn the consequences of not managing your sleep.

Seems like your son doesn't quite understand what to do and needs help with sleeping; I'd start by asking your doctor to prescribe a sleep study to rule out anything unusual.

One can be both. I have a hard time in loud rooms, can't wear certain kinds of clothes, etc. I almost went out of my mind as a jury alternate last week - nice, quiet room with NOTHING to do but read (I read fast, takes me about 10 min to get through a magazine, is a real challenge to have enough reading material)

My son is 12. We had some problems with him getting up a few years ago. What worked for us was for him to have his own alarm clock. Somehow when HE is telling himself to get up (not US telling him what to do), something in his head shifted and he is happy to get up on time and get himself ready completely. He also gets up with much more time than he needs because this kid CANNOT be rushed. And taking away privileges only works with my son if he's in a place where he can "think." In meltdown mode, he can't think. At all. And any undue emotion from me (like anger) really puts him over the edge- he just can't process and deal with that.

What I do with my son is sit down when he's calm and reasonable, tell him I need his help to problem-solve. State the problem ask for suggestions. I don't always get them, but I might make a few and we talk them through. Then I can usually get him to choose one (or he'll tell me to choose one, he doesn't like "choice questions") and he'll follow it.

All that being said, he's not one who has had a lot of sleep difficulty- that's one thing we've got going for us We have other issues, of course.

Just want to say your son sounds a lot smarter and more capable than my 11 year old. Mine can not solve any problem and freeze up when faced with anything. He's never late in the morning only because we push him along every step. He doesn't brush his teeth, shower or do homework without us nagging him. I'm not sure what to do either. It's probably an executive function thing. I remember always running late for school, too and always had to rush. Been caught late many times by teachers, my list of excuses used were long. I personally think it's not such a big deal. Not sleeping well, trouble getting organized and be punctual are just common aspie traits.