husband issues

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BTDT I'm not sure that her husband is an Aspie. I also don't think you probably understand the complexities of divorce with property, kids, health insurance, etc etc.

0223 - Ignore Fnord. Just completely ignore him. He's got some kind of bizarre notion of 'fairness' by presuming that the other party whose story isn't told here is somehow not at fault. The truth is that no relationship is completely one-sided but her description of the relationship does sound pretty bad. Deliberate taunting of a step-child to provoke emotional distress is abuse. And it's not uncommon.

But since he's filed for divorce, I think it's pretty much inevitable. Please make sure you're informing your mother, since she lives on the property also. There are two people in a marriage and two people who can file. it may not fit your timetable, but now you're going to have to deal with it. You need to talk to a lawyer to find out what's doable and you need to understand what you'd like your position to be and you may wish to get a mediator to handle discussions between you.

Assuming, of course, that what she has said is completely accurate, and not exaggerated or fabricated in any way.

It is not uncommon for people presenting only their side of the story to embellish the story to their favor. I'm just giving the husband the benefit of the doubt.

Even if what the OP has posted was the pure, unaltered truth, she would be better off without the husband, and thereby showing more appreciation from his departure - after all, if she gets what she wants, why shouldn't she be happy about it?

Yes, Fnord, we only have heard one side of the story. And,yes, pretty much everybody will (usually unconsciously and unintentionally) skew their side of the story somewhat due to emotion, misperceptions and their own unique perspective. But, usually (unless it is apparent that the person telling is a blatant liar), we can assume that what the person is telling is "mostly true" or, at least, true for them.

You yourself created your own embellishments and fabrications about this story without having been there at all. You assumed and created a story in your head about the husband choosing "the highway" over someone's "my way" and that he has decided that being alone is better than the current conditions. Since you don't know the husband, you have no idea what the actual reasons were behind his filing for divorce. He could have started dating and his girlfriend insists she can't see him anymore until a divorce is set in motion, he could have had an ephiphany and decided to become a monk- the point is, we don't know.

However, what does seem glaringly clear from the OPs post is that the OP is feeling tremendous stress and could use some support. And you posting things like asking if anyone reading the thread was really surprised and poking at the OP for possibly not relaying an accurate story because you created your own story about it is just mean, most likely causing the OP more stress, and totally inappropriate for this thread.

Yikes, 0023, as though you did not have way too much on your plate, as is.

Honestly, I think that if you can get the lawyer to help you figure out the finances, you will be better off without him on your property. You won't have to worry about him running into your son at all, and that will at least eliminate one source of problems.

I know timetable-wise this is not good, and I don't know what you can defer to lessen the impending new load of stuff. I know the disruptions won't be good for your son, but the elimination of one of the stress-producers in his life might make things easier for him.

Fitzi just about the perfect response to Fnord.

If you have actually read her whole entire OP, you would see she has already answered that. She said if they get a divorce, she would lose her business and then be unemployed and potentially even homeless with no income. Plus she is disabled herself.

I'm glad that you understand that your husband was being abusive to your son. What disturbs me for your son's sake is that you were willing to keep the marriage going if at all possible despite this abuse. Your son needs to be removed from this source of harm, and keeping the guy in the house but in separate rooms (or whatever you were trying to do to keep them physically distant from each other) is not going to work - and clearly, to me anyway, hasn't been working from what you have described.

When my parents divorced 20+ years ago, my mom had to borrow money from my grandparents for the initial attorney fees, but she got it all back in the settlement. She, too, did not work outside of the home. She managed to keep the house, although she did have to find work to have income in addition to the alimony. I realize you have significantly more challenges than she ever had to deal with, with both your son's issues and your own health. But I have to believe that working through those challenges is better than continuing to allow your son to be abused like that. You are the only one who can protect him. Your husband wants to leave. Let him leave.

Well, Fnord, I know you well enough to understand why you are inclined to read things the way you do, and I won't say that your opinions are always without merit, but for this situation I will simply say: I disagree with you.

Not on the fact that we could have seen the divorce coming, but on where you seem to be placing the fault. I would venture to say it has been the husband who wants his way or the highway, I saw that in the first post, and so now as things have gotten worse in the household while he insists on continuing to act counterproductively, he would rather send his spouse off on the highway.

The mom has been trying to do the things WE have recommended, that have WORKED for various members in their own households, and yet the husband can't even try to follow the protocol? How is that her fault?

But maybe blame doesn't have to be assigned, just sympathy for two people who ended up in a situation that became unworkable and unsustainable for both of them. Neither of them could have seen everything coming that has hit them, and I've been around long enough to know that despite popular folk lore, love cannot conquer all. Sometimes people just don't have the stuff it takes to get past an obstacle. I get why the husband may not have had it in him to do all that was asked of him, but that doesn't mean the wife was unreasonable to ask it.

Long run, this being Wrong Planet and considering why I post here, you know whose side I'm going to take, if I must take one? The SON's. The one the mother came here hoping to help. And my instinct tells me that the mother's way had the most chance of success helping the son, while the husband was aggravating things. Besides, he isn't here; if he was, I'd find some way to help him, I always do, but he isn't. So, there you go, I guess I've picked my side. Mom and son. Not that it makes any difference in the end, since it cannot change the reality of what has happened, but it does free me to unconditionally support and empathize with our poster.

To 0223, I am so sorry to read all this, and wish I had more constructive suggestions at this point beyond what has already been mentioned. Just remember, that we are here for you. Ignore those who aren't.

Perhaps you need to view this current situation as a blessing in disguise. Stress destroys the mind, body and spirit - allow yourself to heal now so that you can care for yourself and your son <3 Have the belief that things will work in your favour!