No problems at school = not AS?

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This is how I feel, like no-one believes me. The other Mums do, but they have seen the meltdowns and the odd behaviours first hand. They also think I'm odd so weren't surprised to hear that it was genetic...it gave them an explanation for *both* of us.

Still, her teachers just stared at me in disbelief when I told them. Even her Grade 1 teacher was surprisd. It was her pre-school teacher that told me that no-one would change the diagnosis if I got a second opinion. I see this descrapancy being because in Grade 1 and now 2, the teachers have little insight into the kids social situations. The kids are sent out onto the playground and left to fend for themselves. Hannah told 2-3 teachers that she was being picked on recently, and each one fobbed her off onto someone else. In pre-school (another section of her school, now prep) the teacher was out on the playground with her class, a lot of the activities centred more around play and fun than anything truly more structured and academic. She was the one that said that Hannah was 'more'.

I don't particularly blame the school for this as I understand the structure and survived it myself.
My concerns for the future are valid, I feel, as I was depressed and ended up self-harming for years...I see this coming out in Hannah now, when she gets angry she digs her nails into her arms. It's distressing, and I wonder if my mother would have been as concerned about me if she had have realised the agony I was in as I was growing up.

I was always very sensitive, I was told I was highly strung...I don't want that to be the excue for the world disregarding Hannah. And I don't want to be told that she is just a spoiled brat because she's an only child <sigh>

Can't you get a school accomodation for Hannah so she won't feel so excluded? I don't know what is is like in Oz, but in the US, we can get something more structured at recess if we press the issue.

Hello,
My daughter will be nine in August and has resently been diagnosed asperger. I have the same problem as you do with people not believing the diagnose. It is hard having to explain to so many how it can be that they have not seen the signs.

My daughter has not had any problems in school either except that she gets very easily upset when she is playing with other children. However, now that the teachers know, they seem to pay more attention to her so they can now see that she works more slowly than the other children. They now agree that without help she will fall behind. She also need more supervision when playing with other children in order to be able to handle it.

Maybe your girls teachers will also sort of come to terms with it all eventually. Maybe you can do what I did, I told people that I was chocked myself and having to "defend" the diagnosis all the time made me feel worse and could everybody please just slow down and let things sink in and take their time.

Now that people have backed off a little and i have had time to read up on AS I feel like I`m starting to feel a little better. One day at the time.
I wish you good luck, I know what you are going through.

My son doesn't really have academically obvious issues at school either. His writing is a little shaky and a bit behind - and he's OK in math as long as he doesn't do word problems (he's in 2nd grade), he's great at memorizing - which helps in spelling and things like that, but his social skills are behind - and he too only has a few friends that he'll play with at recess and lunch. I think that your school psychologist has a lot of audacity to argue with the diagnosis - but then that's really what they are paid to do anymore these days.

I think that as someone else mentioned here - there's really no "typical" aspie in a lot of ways. That's a lot of problem with getting a proper diagnosis, and what makes it so frustrating as a parent too.

Your daughter probably is AS. A lot of us are very good at fitting in with NTs. Be glad your daughter has friends; I didn't have any. Be careful too though; make sure her friends aren't taking advantage of her social naivete.

Hi I live in the UK & I'm new to the forum but have been scanning the posts & felt I had to join in with this one , my son is 6yrs & was dx last year when I told the school they kept saying they hadn't noticed any problems & I got the feeling they didn't believe me. well a year on they've finally agreed with the DX but this is after several problems with bullying, finally noticing my ds co-ordination problems & lack of social skills , now he will get a laptop to do his school work on as his handwriting is illegible although reading & numeracy is fantastic. I'm also having regular meetings with his teacher to discuss any concerns I may have & hopefully the school may get some funding so my son can have xtra support.

They now understand that my son seems to cope well because of the structure to the day so they haven't witnessed his meltdowns but they thought it odd when his dad was in critical care recently (wasn't expected to live) & my ds didn't mention it at all.

I'm so glad I've found this forum as its early days for us & I haven't anyone I can discuss my fears for or even just laugh about something that's happened.

Hi Java,
This sounds very familiar. My daughter wasn't diagnosed until last year at 17. Do you know what your child is talking incessantly about? Maybe that's her special interest and it bores the other kids. Or, maybe as with my child, she wasn't able to read the social cues from others - maybe she misinterpreted them.

With my child, other kids probably got impatient with use of detail. I see that as a gift now that she's older and she's learning to make use of her interests.

As far as you being at fault..same thing happened with me for years from a therapist. Do a google seach of "refrigerator moms".. I just learned about it ..blaming the parent for bad parenting. As soon as we switched therapists (we had been seeking advice for my daughter's inability to make friends), AS was diagnosed in ONE appointment!

I did well in school academically, but there were some bullies who terrorized me.