Are people with Aspergers more critical of their parents?

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This sums up my thoughts on the matter perfectly.

My parents aren't perfect and neither am I or anyone else. I see that they have faults, and I can be critical, towards my father in particular.
I also know that NTs can be critical of their parents, so I'm not sure if the difference is significant. I have seen both aspies and NTs criticize their parents online. I assume people from both groups are more careful who they rant to IRL. I know I have always been.

I have nothing to complain about. My parents (particularly my mother) are very open-minded and I have been loved and accepted from the get-go even when they didn't understand me. I have never lacked support, love or material things. They have always done the very best they could for a child they didn't always understand, but never gave up on. I love them very much and we are close. I could not have asked for better parents, I appreciate them so much for who they are. I really lucked out when it comes to family.

It is heartbreaking to read about the treatment some people on WP have received from the people who should have loved them the most.

I've noticed a lot of people on the spectrum are critical of authority figures in general.

I don't know if it a trait of Aspies. It is certainly a trait of ADHD, and between 30-50% of Apsies also have ADHD. Kids want their parents to be super-human so they feel safe. It is really easy to criticize until you have walked a mile in their shoes. When you have kids on the spectrum and need to take care of them and everything else you will probably look at your parents with more understanding.

Not autism related but I think this applies to anyone, on the spectrum or not.

I think my childhood would have been a lot easier if I had just listened to my mother.

I hope this is what my kids will say when they are grown up. I try every day to make sure it is possible.

I do think my daughter (ASD) is more critical than my son is (ADHD/NLD). My son is extremely understanding of my shortcomings for a kid. But even my daughter gives me a break sometimes Honestly, I think it is because I never claim to be perfect and always try to learn from my parenting mistakes. I think most people, ASD or NT alike, can appreciate that.

Of course we are, Alex - because of our unconventional behaviors and thinking patterns, we frequently fall afoul of authority figures, because we can't understand or accept their rules, and they can't understand why we have such difficulty conforming to their standards.

It's only natural that a lifetime of such conflicts would make one resentful and mistrustful of authority figures in general.

Part of my personal AS DX includes Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I don't think of myself as any sort of activist, but I guess I do have a tendency to rebel, and especially to question anything I'm told, until I've verified it for myself.

I was so crushed by the Santa Claus thing, I've never trusted anything anyone tells me since.

I have a great deal of respect for my grandparents (paternal). I have some respect for my father because even though he has many failings, he busted his backside trying to provide for my brother and I. I don't speak to my mother even though I have reached out and tried to build a relationship with her many times. I believe she may have some kind of mental disorder, or she simply is a nutcase that cannot deal with reality. I tend to believe the latter. I don't know or particularly care anymore though. My eldest daughter is HFA and has difficulty tolerating stupid, backward, narrow, closed-minded thinking and asked me when she was still a young teenager, if she could refuse to associate with people even if they are blood-relatives. I told her that your family is not determined by chance of genetics. Family are those that you choose, actually of same lineage or not. Parents are only human, they have the same failings as others. The only thing that I can do is try to recognize those failings along with successes and factor in the sacrifices made by the individual on my behalf. Today is Fathers' Day. If you appreciate someone that has been a father figure to you, today is an excellent opportunity to let them know. To all of you fathers out there. Happy Fathers' Day.

I am a mum of an 8 year old boy with autism, and I have recently been diagnosed too. Being a parent of an autistic kid isn't easy. We can but try our best. I know most kids raised in western societies criticise their parents. And I think it's natural that the people we live with get the harshest criticism. But that isn't always fair, as some parents are really trying their best.

Speaking as an older woman, I recommend trying to remember the positive aspects of your relationship with your parents, this might help you feel less tension/stress around them, and eventually help you to feel happier about your relationship.

(Obviously this is not so easy if the relationship is toxic or abusive in any way, which is how my relationship was with my parents. I am nolonger in contact with them).

As a parent, I have to say, your post is disappointing. No one is perfect; OF COURSE your parents have faults. Many faults. I read your post wondering what you expect. Nothing you've written suggests they are bad parents; just flawed human beings. Do you, at least, feel they love you and have done their best? If you do, put the idea they could have been "better people" out of your mind; you have no idea just how unlucky you could have gotten. If you don't, then I am sorry for your situation. What children need most is parents who care and are willing to do their best. Unfortunately, while all children get flawed human beings for parents, not all children get parents who care and do their best.

I don't mind my ASD son seeing all my faults clearly; I know he does. But I WOULD mind it if he used that as an excuse to fail to respect or love me. As he, fortunately, knows, I've put my heart and soul into the doing for him all I possibly could have.

My son was able to learn that focusing on anyone's faults is not a winning equation. Just as parents have to help their ASD children compensate for their weak areas, my son by the time he was a teenager had learned to allow us to compensate for ours. Life isn't a way one street; everyone has flaws, and everyone needs some allowances for that. That includes people in your life who don't have any official disability.

All kids go through phases where they don't think much of their parents; it is a natural part of establishing your own separate identity. We've talked about that as a family, and knowing the feelings are a normal phase has helped us all get through it. But both my children (one NT, and one ASD) have always made a point of letting us know they love us, even if they get moody about it. The trick is, do you WANT to eventually grow past the stage and establish a better relationship with your parents? If you do, great. Focus on the good things; accept that loving people means you ignore the bad things.

I only knew positive parenting from movies/TV-shows and thought that this was how parents were supposed to interact with their child. On TV, they were loving, caring and understanding in almost every aspect of life, but in reality they were self-absorbed, overwhelmed by their own existence, and never seemed ready to be parents.
My first signs of depression at an early age were due to those high expectations from my side.

This view, of course, was unrealistically distorted, but defined how i would want to perceive my family for years to come. I have compared them to the almost cartoonish perfection that were typical TV-families of the 80s/90s.

Yes, i was indeed critical of them, but once i saw that my parents are in fact just flawed individuals who never quite developed beyond their adolescence, i felt it was time to lower my expectations.

Despite all the terrible things they have done to me and especially to each other, i still feel sorry for not seeing them for who they were sooner; two tragic figures who made the wrong decisions.

Maybe a lot of us are more critical of our parents because we're abused by them, which may actually cause some so-called autistic traits in us, or the abuse may have been because of the autism. Either way, it ain't cool when they ain't cool with us and are mean to us for no good reason.

In a way yes. Because im an aspie and there were plenty of times that i criticise my parents, weather it be fair or not. But alit of the times i think it is because i was emotionaly abused as a kid, and by my teen years i got rebelious because i felt like no one was listening.

I wonder if this because our brains have less oxytocin. We process the world more by intellect than emotions.

It has nothing to do with intellect vs. emotions, and everything to do with percieving right (whether with intellect or emotions) or percieving wrong (again, either with intellect or emotions).

Who cares if it's caused by Asperger's? It just is what it is... seeing people's true colors whether they're related to you or not. It's not like you hate them, and if you did it would pass. I definitely for one am not brainwashed any more by the "they're your parents so they're perfect" lie. Yes, they gave me life, and I'm grateful, but I'm NOT grateful for them regretting giving me life.

although i am adopted, and was more academically interested than my parents, i consider them both to be superior to me.
____________
mother;

we had a huge house with many rooms, and all of them were spotless.
the kitchen was extremely well organized, and when she had completed her house cleaning and optimization (that is putting every thing in it's place), then she worked in the yards.

she was busy and enthusiastic from morning until night.

i am not like that. i wish i had that character in me.

__________
father;

built an empire from nothing.
he went to WW2 twice (once in the middle east, and again in the pacific (kokoda trail)) and endured much more than i could ever have endured.
then he got back from the war and met my mother and started off in a one bedroom bedsit with her and wheeled his tools to work (as a building apprentice) in a wheel barrow because he did not have enough money yet for a car.
anyway, he scrimped and saved and became a master builder licensed to build up to 25 storey buildings over the years. during that time he also was having children with mum.
they moved into a house which he built after buying the land and the materials.
he had more children and got wealthy and then built a mansion eventually (leaving out mush of the progress for sake of brevity).
they moved there and then he bought some more land and started building a block of flats (condo's in US?).

he worked hard and when it was completed, they adopted me, and the rent from the flats (12 of them in the initial block) as well as the income from the new houses dad was building and selling on other land he bought, put my sisters through very expensive education.
he kept expanding and working and became very rich.

i do not have that ambition or drive. i wish that was in my character as well.