Why do a lot on this subforum seem to not like me?

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Thanks all ya'll. MomSparky it's not because some threads aren't answered. I know that any thread can be hit or miss with some of all on any forum. I'll scroll by threads that don't interest me all the time and that has nothing to do if I like the OP or not. Unless I'm ignoring somebody completely I'd actually be more likely to engage somebody I don't like. So, it's not that. I don't know what it is exactly. Sort of a "vibe" or a feeling I guess. Maybe a tone. Or some other ambiguous word that I can't think of right now.

It could actually be my own issues. I may feel that I'm intruding because I don't have a child on the spectrum, for sure and I only hazard a guess that one of mine might have it. I don't like self or lay dx so I don't even go there with him. He doesn't want to know nor does he care so ok. It's the same as with that ear. Refused the implant and now he's working at that damn factory where he's gotta wear the headphones and it's gonna ruin his only good ear, but maybe then he will get the implant. Anyway, maybe I feel like I'm intruding. I don't think I feel that way but according to some psychiatrists, what you think you feel has nothing at all to do with what you actually feel. They are quacks if they say that but still. You never know.

Labpet, I had your tidy cadaver poster on my fridge for months. It was a huge hit with the guests, especially my youngest daughters friends because they were all going through that goth phase at once. All the babybats took selfie's by it. I bet there is even a copy of it hanging in a Hot Topic somewhere.

And for the poster who mentioned switches, sorry I can't remember your user name, two is my limit with this menopause memory and I was lucky to get that. However, did I suggest that here? I do do that, as do most people here and it hurts much less than hand spanking, it only stings but it stings bad for a minute. It gets great results. Everbody does that here. I developed a love of long corderouy pants when I was switching age, and I'd pretend to hop around in pain and yelling but my grandmother never caught on. Maybe thats why I'm still contentious. We call it a hickory though, not a switch. I usually don't mention that to people who aren't from here because of the big reaction I get, but if I did, it's over with you said what you have to say, mine are grown and I'm not using a hickory on anybody now. If I didn't mention that here until just now, ignore this paragraph, I made it up - it's all a lie.

I honestly don't know what it is other than a feeling. So, there is no way to explain it. Nobody has said or done anything to cause this. This is just me.

Some people might not like you because you are too straightforward for them or you have different opinions from theirs. They may ignore you if you are not posting what they want to read. I like you and Fnord, because you are straightforward and don't play social games.

You and I are both strong personalities but extremely different people and some days that clicks and some days it doesn't. I wouldn't want you to ever change anything about yourself just to please me or anyone else; you are who you are and you think as you think and I really respect that, even if there are times I 100% disagree with you. And even then, I may be smiling to myself because, well, I enjoy watching people be themselves without regard to PC or anyone else's opinion.

The thing I've noticed about being a strong personality is that when things aren't clicking it is smart for people to just leave a little distance. And it is OK. It will be different tomorrow.

You and I can both have our bad days and post a little too aggressively, but I've noticed that you eventually catch yourself on it and try to fix things. I respect that, too. I try to do the same.

In other words, no worries. Embrace your strong-personality and accept that some days it will create better results for you than others. One of the many things that just "is."

I'm guessing that, yes, talk about hitting kids might be a major turn off for parents worried about their children being behind and obviously whatever it might do for behavior, it won't increase scores on an iq test or a test of pragmatic language or receptive and expressive language, all the stuff that school personnel rattle on about children being behind on.

But I don't want to darken this nice thread with an upsetting debate and you said forget it but just thinking about what is it like as a parent, if you're looking for answers, you maybe want to see things like your child playing with friends or an IEP report that says making good progress toward whatever the goal is, and for many (not all) kids on the spectrum that does require the kind of protectiveness that rubs you the wrong way And which sometimes you argue against. Doesn't mean you're always wrong, but the approach you often advocate isn't going to do what a lot of people really want.

All I can say is, I hope most parents who are protective don't drop everything, like you describe happening to you, once their child hits the teen years but continue with lesser degrees of support as their children can handle.

My mom dropped it all when I found out that I didn't need it and made it clear that I didn't need it. I sort of achieved escape velocity. She would have kept it up for the rest of her life if I would have stayed under her wing. While I would have been very safe from ever living my life, I would not have been happy. I know thats her pathology and not all protective parents. It just gets that reaction from me.

I suppose I see being very protective as smother mothering like mine did to me. You wouldn't believe the insane things I couldn't do and other crazy things I had to do. It just throws me right back to being helpless and knowing that I'm not that fragile and trying to get out from under my mother who was determined that I was going to be that fragile if she had to break every bone in my body (metaphorically!) to make me that way.

I'm not arguing spanking, but I think you misunderstand how I used it. I want to explain it to you. You can skip it if you want. Oh, the schools spank down here too. But not for grades, for behavior like I do. Ground for grades, spank for dangerous stuff. And no a spanking won't help grades but it will make sure they stop trying to pull the tv down on top of them or get away from you and run in the road when your hands are taken up with two other kids, or many other dangerous things they do when you aren't standing right there looking at them, which you can't always be. Also, not all kids need it. My youngest daughter never did I don't believe. Maybe once, but I don't remember it right off. Plus they all grew up to be pro-spanking so I don't think it did harm. I'm not saying that it can't, because it can. It really, really can, depending on who is doing it and how and why it's done. Also, if it's something the kid has never seen before it's going to really freak him out. Down here all their friends get spankings, they get them at school, it's just part of growing up. I don't think any of my boys have had a friend spend the night where the mother or dad who dropped them off didn't tell us in front of the kid "Now if he doesn't mind you, you know what to do. Just like he's your own!" and we would say that to other parents too. Although you really don't do that, thats just to keep them in line. You call the kids parents to come get him and let them do it. Unless you are very close and they stay over a lot, then they are just family. You know when it's coming and what you did to deserve it basically. If the schools and parents suddenly went pro spanking in somewhere like California, all the kids would have nervous breakdowns because they would have no clue why or if it was abuse or what the adults were trying to do. It wouldn't work at all. It's really something you need to be raised around to understand it. Otherwise it's just mean. So I don't want to debate it, I just wanted you to know where I was coming from because without being able to see my POV and the culture surrounding me and mine, you can't get the full picture and it looks crazy.

I think overprotectiveness is particularly bad for autistic children, as it could prevent them from developing skills to become independent adults, or delay their developing some skills. I think a combination of pushing/motivation + emotional support in the form of believing in childrens abilities is good. My parents were more pushers than protectors, and I think their parenting style benefitted me greatly growing up.

Hey Olive, it's me, Angie. I really like you and I think we would really get along IRL where I could talk to you. You remind me of my friend Mary and she can usually lift my spirits when I'm down. On here, I'm having a problem keeping up with your emails because they are very long to where I had to print them out in order to get all of the information. Thing is, I didn't want to say I was feeling overwhelmed with all of the information because I know you're Aspie and the Victorian subjects are very interesting to you. If we were conversing in person, I'd let you talk and tell me all these things and show me your Victorian items and I would say a few words in between - like I let my friend Mary do and it usually goes great. Since we have the same interest in the Victorian subject and in knitting and crochet and you have put so much effort into sending me all of the information, I feel obligated to answer everything and normally I would, but right now I have so much stuff on my mind and I'm kinda depressed so everything that involves a lot of thinking takes a lot of energy. I write several posts because it fills a social need for me, but I don't have to spend much thinking on it - it all comes from the top of my head and I can get up and leave to do something else when I want without having to come back to answer something if I don't feel like it at that time. So it's not you, right now I'm having a hard time keeping up with all of my online friends and my IRL friends. Thinking about it, I'm more able to text my friends rather than email, as strange as that may sound. Email seems like it takes more energy - have to turn the computer on, log on, check mail to see if anyone has emailed me. With text, it is spontaneous, comes to me in a second, I can reply in a second, all my pictures are in my phone - it's just much easier and quicker and I can still do other things. Email - I'm stuck to the computer. That could be why I spend more time with my text friends than my email friends. Just a thought. I'm babbling. I should call my friend Mary because she called me Friday twice and I never called back because I know every time I will be on the phone with her a long time - sometimes up to 5 hrs (my phone battery finally gave out). I want to be social, but at this time I'm anxious about school, work, having to take an extra class that I wasn't planning on and if I'm going to work any extra to help pay for it all, and I have this recertification for ACLS that may take several days online to pass otherwise I won't be allowed to work until it gets passed. (Heavy sigh). Oh, I usually babble a lot about whatever is on my mind when I'm anxious about stuff. And Mary wants me to go this HOA meeting tomorrow night and I'm sure she wants me to say something about our psychotic neighbor Ryan who is doing things against the bylaws, but Mary is the President of the HOA - not me. We got into an argument about that last week. I need to upgrade my glasses, but I'm so depressed it just seems like it will take more energy than it's worth. For some reason (I believe it's because of doing pushups) both of my shoulders are hurting and I've had to stop exercising and I can't knit or crochet because my arms go totally numb. I still enjoy reading because it lets me escape to a different place without any worries or problems. See what I mean by babbling? I think all of this rain is getting to me too. Everyday, rain and thunderstorms and tornado warnings. I'm just tired of it. My friend Julia is trying to get me to do some bible study with her and gave me what I should be reading right now, but I honestly don't have the energy for it or the attention span (which makes me feel guilty). I want to also finish the throw for my Aspie friend that I promised him months and months ago. It's 3/4 of the way finished, but I have no energy. I'm thinking I need to get out my sun lamp, but it's summer and I shouldn't have to do that cause then I'll have another thing out that needs to be put away. Maybe I'm just tired and need to go to bed. But that's what is going on right now, Olive. I hope to talk with you again soon. Ciao for now!

Last edited by nurseangela on 13 Jul 2015, 9:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You hardly ever respond to me

LOL, It's no problem. I do talk a lot but I was trying to answer all the questions and points in your email, but it took a lot of words ROFL. I know it was long. The links one is just links though with a brief description of what they are.

We don't talk about our wardrobes, cooking, interior decor, and needlecrafts. Give me something I can type a long PM on and I'll do it. Hell, you have heard me on the phone, it's damn near impossible to get off the phone with me lol.

All right...you're cool!

PS: I added more babbling to my first post, Olive.

K, I'll check it out. I can be a little much, I usually warn folks of that but I actually forgot to mention that it's ok to tell me when enough is enough. I'll get excited and completely forget that while we may share the same interests, it's not obsession level to you lol. It honestly doesn't offend me at all and in fact I can relax knowing that the people I talk to will tell me when I go overboard. Sometimes caffeine is involved as well lol.

ETA: Don't let your friend push you into anything you don't want to do. It's perfectly ok to say no, and you don't have to give a reason. Simply saying "I'm sorry, I can't" is plenty.

You have a lot on your plate right now and you need some time for yourself. Don't worry about the PM's until you get around to them, that's nothing, honestly. Take some time for you, that is just for you, to do what you enjoy doing and don't think about anybody or anything else.

As for the shoulders, you could have pinched a nerve. I'd see a Dr if it's not better in a week or so. Numbness isn't a good sign. You might need an EMG, although I hate to say it, those are torture.

You take some time and chill. Don't worry about PMing me right now, I'll be here. And the best thing about the Victorian era is that it's always going to be there too. Wait until you can enjoy it.

Night!

My brain hurt by the time I was around ten sentences in. Please, walls of text are really hard to read.

I think she said she typed that on her phone. Probably no way to format it.

I can absolutely see why you'd be uneasy with protectiveness. I try to be protective while supporting independence, and I think of protective as wanting to meet parents and coaches before leaving kids somewhere, checking on them, those kinds of things. Refusing kids the independence they want and need and are ready to have isn't protective, it's just controlling.

I don't think I was clear what I meant about spanking, which I oppose under most circumstances regardless how normal it is in a particular place, I don't want anyone trying to argue with me that it's ok though I understand that's how you feel and what's normal where you live. I think we agree, though, that there's a lot of issues kids on the spectrum face that something like spanking or grounding or taking away electronics and other discipline strategies just won't do a thing to help with. I was trying to say that I think frequently parents who post here have tried the typical type solutions if they're applicable, or they're not to their child's situation, so maybe could they be ignoring rather than disliking what you post because your suggestions just aren't practical for their situation, and they're just caught up in looking for answers?

I haven't actually noticed people disliking or ignoring you myself. You're pretty hard to ignore.