Food Complications!

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Why wouldnt you expect me to understand this?

Perhaps some part of Why I disagree with your solution is that the food issues we have are somewhat contradictory. I do not think it possible for us all to eat the same all the time as a result. Perhaps that biases me when I think about your situation, I don't know. But I don't understand why my having a different solution that I would (and to an extent do) wind up with (and I suppose that means disagreeing with your solution) would mean I wasn't able to understand?

Because you said specifically: " I just would not do this because I wouldn't be able to understand this."

Also, because you seem to be only truly seeing it from the perspective of my ASD child, and saying that feeding my children the same dinner without dairy is pretending the world isn't the way it is, although, it is the same world for my ASD kid too, but you seem to think his issues should take preference. So, it makes me conclude there is a bias there, which makes me conclude there is a lack of understanding. This is not a criticism, I am explaining my observations.

Also because I stated that I would only be (mostly) not offering dairy at dinner, but you seem to understand this to mean he won't be having dairy anymore.

And because it is just, generally, hard for people to understand a situation that they do not have direct experience with, and I am used to that and don't expect most people to understand it.

Thank you for explaining Fitzi.

And I'm sorry, I am bad with pronouns and was shifting perspectives without using enough. I try to use them but forget or use the wrong one and I know that makes it hard to follow. I was describing what I think my perspective would be as the younger child with ASD as well as the older child with the sensitivities as well as my perspective as a mom and wife in a family without the major sensitivities you are dealing with but with some food sensitivity issues as well as extremely strong preferences that can be balanced into one shared meal only by getting creative with sides and being much more flexible than is comfortable for me to be.

I'm not sure there's any meal where I could get everyone eating all the same things. Often if it's just me I will skip a part, because I'd rather have the rest of the family share but I've realized over the course of going face first into this so many times that I can't make everyone happy and eat and have them all eat and have them all get enough reasonable calorie intake and nutrition and the same for me if it's the same meal for all. If you can that's better of course, and I'm not trying to say otherwise.

Maybe I'm just burned out trying, but I came to my perspective because I realized someone felt left out or was not getting what they needed in ways that weren't good in the long run, and it's better for us we eat together when we can, which gets harder as they get older, than try to have everyone eat the same thing. So we have meals where there is overlap and sharing but not every part is eaten by everyone. Maybe that's a bad thing. It's what I can do right now.

It is really a shame the other kids pick on your son for this and I cannot even imagine how parents are unwilling to have him over, but I suppose the parents' negative attitudes are the reason for kids making fun of him over this. I believe it will get better within the next 1-2 years as kids friendships develop more but that was shocking to read. I hope some of his sensitivities can go down eventually, and more than that, I hope he finds good friends who love him for who he is and do not care what he cannot eat.

I too can attest to the fact that ppl are afraid to cook for allergies. We have been told to bring our own food to a nephew's birthday party if we wanted to eat gluten free. Needless to say we didn't show up. I believe the person thought we were just being picky but i wasn't dealing with the crappy attitude on the part of the adults. I hate kids' birthday parties anyway--sensory nightmares esp if any of the kids are unhappy about something (and if i remember correctly the first party in question was a 3rd b-day party--it's gonna be loud). There are times i do bring food to an activity; but it is always nice to have someone try to cook something allergy friendly. I try to do the same if i am aware of an allergy someone else has, and be accommodating to them. But ppl do not all think that way and if you have never dealt with allergies, i guess it is hard to understand. Some family members, friends and school contacts have been very nice about doing allergy friendly food; others not so great. I have learned to deal with it with what i hope is a measure of gracefulness. (i was pretty apologetic about it at first and my aspie awkwardness made it really hard.)

If i were you fitzi, i would probably not cook dairy at home either--or at least very seldom. That is a pretty significant reaction. Again, sounds like you are doing the most sensible thing possible given the situation. Dairy is a hard one to eliminate altogether, especially for growing kids that need calcium. Our aspie kids need to learn to accommodate others too, although teaching them this is a bit harder sometimes because of their other difficulties.

I'm not sure if you're implying that's not already the case? Whatever Fitzi decides will work best for her family about allowing dairy in her house, I thought her younger Aspie child is adapting to and quite caring about his brother's food restrictions in her description of him.

No, i didn't mean anything negative...just making an observation. Maybe stating the obvious?

Got it.....I wasn't sure, thanks!