Asperger's and pornography

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We recently went through this, and I think we survived successfully. Sadly, DS, along with curiosity had developed an extremely puritanical midset towards sex and sexuality, and we had to help him struggle through the idea that exploring is normal for a kid his age, and there was nothing wrong with him.

Our main concern was that unrestricted surfing can lead to all kinds of dangers: porn sites are often "bait" for all kinds of traps like identity theft or worse. We did have a discussion about that aspect.

We also talked to DS about how porn is more like a cartoon than it is like real life, and that it's not a place for sex education. We also talked about how the bodies in porn are faked, and we didn't want him to be judging his own body by those standards, nor the bodies of potential girlfriends. We offered him unfettered access to the Scarleteen site http://www.scarleteen.com/ which is pretty frank and nonjudgmental - there's a great article there about porn that offers a very real-life look at it, and isn't gender or sexual-preference specific (they do have a lot of info for various different sexualities.)

Finally, in a bizarre turn of fate, we were watching a comedic TV show that had a scene in a nude beach - a real nude beach, with real bodies that were non-fetishized. I think that did more for DS than anything else - seeing normal men and women naked as opposed to the augmented bodies that are common in porn. Sadly, normal naked bodies are almost impossible to find on the internet!

Hi

Please accept this late advice from my Neuro-atypical perspective.

I am a gay man in my 20s who is high functioning autistic, simply meaning I can fake being normal though I suffer inside constantly.

1. Get over your hang ups and let your son grow up.

Porn is normal for a boy his age and asking him to miss out on this critical developmental right will cause him to act out in ways far more embarrassing than private porn viewing.

Just be glad he does it in private and congratulate him and reward him for this discreet behavior!

Watching porn will be his only saving grace when he finally charms a gay man who mistakes his social limitations for simple shyness and as result accidentally falls in love with your son. Sounds harsh, but I'm just being real. Romance is WHOLE different ballgame for us. Porn is the much needed head start we spectrum children need gay or straight.

2. Get over the gay thing. Be glad your son is gay. GAY IS great for autistic people because truthfully many females cannot handle the awkwardness we bring to the table. They perceive us as weak instead of different and weak does not turn girls on.

Gay men love boy's and autistic men are often eternal boys. Find a super caring gay man in his 50's who misses his kids and wallah, your 22 year old son is out of your house and being taken care of by a stable individual that won't make you lose sleep at night!

Your son is gay. Face it. As a mom, you can help him navigate this lifestyle the exact same as if he were straight. Life is hard for many on the spectrum no matter what. You save your son by helping him become a man. So help him find gay autistic people his age at his same development level, let him watch his porn to decide what he likes before taking on the immense social pressure of dating.

If you don't,your son will perish and he won't be happy and you won't be free. Ever and on your death bed you will have nightmares wondering where he will be and if he will have a home and spouse and kids like you got to.

Babying and coddling just makes it worse. Everyday I try so hard to get my fiance, who is also autistic, to overcome the challenges his over protective mother caused. I'm even thinking of leaving him.

Do you want that for your son? No. So less about you and more about him.

Hope I didn't offend. Take care and God and the universe bless you.

Just came across this guide, which I think is excellent - and also in YouTube format, which can make it easier to digest for a visual kid: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCelB-F ... 3dakpRPMyg

Not impossible. Perhaps he was looking for happy porn actors. Aspies have a tendency to talk in formal or quaint language, and "gay" is an archaic term for "happy". (I'm being astute here. hehe)

But seriously, there's another danger porn poses for teenagers. And no, not unrealistic expectations, as most lawmakers in Europe would say. (As opposed to "Oh no!! ! A minor will see breasts!", like in America.) It's legal risk. How so? Think about this: when a teenage boy looks at porn, he will want to see people his age, as he would in real life. That means under 18. And what would that be? Chi_d p_rn. So by doing what's perfectly normal for a teenage boy, he puts him self in legal harm's way. If you're going to worry about something, worry about that!

I suppose I lucked out in that sense. I was 16 when I first got internet access, so 18-year-old girls were young enough for me to find attractive. Which kept me out of legal trouble in terms of having the images in my browser cache.

Even more so, after my parents told me not to look at porn online, as a preemptive warning, without knowing I already did so, I used a trick. I created a copy of the Temporary Internet Files folder, hid it in C:\Windows, and renamed it to something like "win32_bat". Then deleted everything in the original folder. As a result, I could still look at porn (that I previously viewed) without actually going online to get the images, thus keeping with the letter of the rule. (Videos, while preferred, took too damn long to download on dial-up.)

I was exposed from porn starting around age 13 and I had no issues. I think it's good for both AS and NT teens because that's just a part of their self exploration. I find kids who are banned from porn get into far more trouble being that they instead go have sex and sometimes end up pregnant or with STDs. Try just having a talk with your son about moderation and tell him you're there if he ever needs help if he thinks he is becoming addicted.

the kind of porn that i'll ever watch is jungle porn

I have friends in the porn industry.

Porn is a business, and those people are actors getting paid to do those act. This act is so much money. Willing to have more than one "partner"? That means the actor gets paid more money for each partner added.

Everything is scripted. You'll perform this act, that act, blah blah blah. Porn shoots are boring as hell. It's an 8 to 10 hour day of stop and start. That 45 vid you watch on Porn Hub is the best of a 8 to 16 hours worth of work that my friend gets to cobble together as an editor.

My DD health class had a 3 day session about porn. What really skived the kids is how fake it is. That woman received x amount of dollars for a guy to ejaculated on her breast. It's a JOB. The actor may think the partner is a gross POS, but you take fake it to get paid.

Let your son know that porn does not always equal what a partner wants in real life. It isn't a text book on sex.

Also, if your son is gay, he's gay. Maybe he's doesn't know. Kids are much more gender fluid today. Just because he searched gay porn doesn't automatically mean he's gay.

^^^

Interesting post.

Trouble is....the original post that you're addressing was made four years ago.
Just saying.

Well lets put it this way. A lot of autistic men do have trouble getting girlfriends and some have never even had a girlfriend in their lives. Many of them will turn to porn to get a fix being the fact that they have troubles in real life.

I hesitate to say yes. Addiction is a strong and (often) misused word...

1) he's 14. there is a strong biological drive... It's something that needs to be OPENLY discussed. Hiding it will only convince him that there needs to be a hard search.

2) It ma have become a special interest. I know you've noticed he has a tendency to latch on to a subject and run with it. If it is a special interest, obstructing can actually do damage, psychologically.

I write a blog series about our condition.

I wrote about the mechanisms of special interests HERE.

AND

I wrote about cognitive dissonance (the mechanism that can cause psychological damage) HERE

The mom who started this thread hasn't posted in four years. So I doubt that she is taking suggestions here either.