When can my son just be a kid?

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I just don't have this right (trying to respond to quote). Oh, well. Mark, maybe what you're feeling is the distance between you and your son? Emotionally, you might be mourning what isn't, the typical boy who plays out in the yard with a group of friends and is content to do this for hours.

Your son, on the other hand, is special and will, as you say, do great things if he has the discipline. He seems to know this and is in training. He seems to crave this stimulation which for other children his age might be exhausting and overwhelming. Wonderful.

Yet, for you, it's lonely (maybe) and a bit sad that he doesn't exactly need you so much, emotionally. He seems to be self-driven, a perfectionist, and you're wondering why can't he just hang out with the boys and be content. He will never be content with the simplicity of hanging out. He will always be driven to perfect something and maybe always feel the tension underlying this drive. It is seperate from you, his drive and unique way of thinking, and this might be causing you to feel a sense of loss for the "kid" he won't ever be.

My son is almost eight-years old, and I sense a departure on his part. He is analyzing his world, pondering, reflecting, questioning and I'm left on the sidelines waiting to coach, advise, moniter, nurture--he doesn't seem to notice. I, too, wonder why things have to be so complicated for an almost eight-year old...it seems to be too much. Once the mind has progressed, there is no returning. Even though they are young in so many ways, they are advancing in leaps and bounds.

Just a theory.

best,

equinn

Has it occurred to that maybe your son doesn't want to 'be a kid'?

As a child (I am an aspie) I HATED being forced to 'play' and make silly noises, like animal noises, or watch patronising children's television or listen to silly songs - or in fact anything that would usually come under the category of 'being a kid'.

My parents and teachers just forced me to do these things because they wanted to try and make me 'normal'.

I was most happy when reading, or watching a documentary, or practicing the piano or flute, or listening to music of the baroque period - and most happy when on my one and LEFT ALONE BY OTHER PEOPLE.

I couldn't stand the pointless and futile silliness that other children (and many adults) seem to think is so important.

Maybe your son is happy being the 'intellecutal' and you should leave him be. If he expresses to you that he is unhappy, that's different. But you should make sure you do what is best for HIM, not what you THINK he should do. And don't try and force him to be an NT - just let him be his own person and be proud of his talents.

You didn't want a textbook answer? But you asked in a place that is Aspies domain. Many of us are bookworms and write like textbooks. Then again WE Aspies are the experts on Aspergers. I just love how NT's think they know more about being autistic than an autistic does. I've been autistic since I was at least 6 months old, maybe entire life, so please don't tell me or my fellow Aspies we don't know what we're talking about when it comes to growing up autistic.

I don't recall being forced to make "animal noises" had to laugh at this one. I did pretend I was Lassie and crawl around on all fours barking (alone)...I was a weird one...wanted to be a dog.


I had quite a bit of down time--maybe too much. LOL.

But, I think if I were overscheduled, I wouldn't have liked this--adults supervising, telling me what I needed to do--YUCK.

We had lots of neighborhood games we created ourselves. We were creative! I spent hours listening to music, reading, and it was my time. I had time to think! Today, kids in general, all kids, are too overscheduled with formal activities. In my opinion it is way too much.

So to answer the question--when is a kid allowed to be a kid? When a parent realizes the value of down time, nonthinking time, and refuses to pay for and enroll the child in three or or more formal activities.

Sounds like a contradiction to my previous post--but I tend to waffle back and forth with my views. It's all that free time I was given.

CAVEAT: Downside of too much free time in childhood? I am opposed to regimented things like clocks, 9-5 jobs, and anything that resembles restrictions on my time. I happen to love my time--- to read, think, walk, write...I don't have to be involved in anything formal to be content.

Ask your child what he would like to do not what you think he should be doing. As a child I absolutely hated doing kid things.