Any advice for my 6 year old's anger?

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I have these books for my dayhome children and the kids really get alot out of them.

Earth Calling--yes, I probably do need to help my son with more of the 'prep work'... in so many ways he seems so grown up and ahead of his age, it's hard to remember that he is behind, or just at a different place in others...or even just at the same place as an NT kid! I mean, so many of these issues can be said for a 6 year old NT kids as well. My NT 11 year old still needs lots of reminders and help in organization herself!! !

Tony Attwood is very helpful, it's just that the cold hard reality of it all can be a bit hard to take. He seems to talk so much about the 'bad stuff' that can happen...like the depression, anxiety, loneliness so many Aspies can face. That really scares me. But in looking at his AS, I definitely say overall I do see mostly positive things about my son. I love his unique little mind, he never ceases to amaze me with his abilities and his great sense of humor. And he really is doing well in so many ways...we just got done having one of his little friends over, and without being told he hugged her and thanked her for coming as she was leaving. He even came over and hugged me, and thanked me for having her over!

Blessed Mom, thanks for the great book ideas. I'm always on the look out for more information!! I also liked your reminder that I am in charge of what he does and doesn't do in his life...we, as parents, are his advocates...and if school seems overwhelming, we can shape it to what works for him just as you are doing. Your son is lucky to have you!!

Jaleb--thanks for you ideas of kid-friendly books. I read in the Tony Attwood book about the 'social stories'...I need to go to a web site he suggests to learn more about those. Do any of you do those?

You really need a psychologist to figure these things out. If he had Tourettes, I do believe the psychiatrist would have picked up on that. You need professional advice on an IEP and well as a strategy to deal with his outbursts. Every aspie is different and our advice can only be taken as general advice.

You will have to make adjustments and counseling can show you exactly where you need to adjust your routines and behavior. Rasing a child with AS is not easy, but I managed to raise one who is now a very sweet 18 year old. I think it is important to get off to the right start and adjust your expectations of him to the emotionally appropriate level. Your entire family may need counseling too in order to cope with the turmoil which I assure you is ahead. You all will become somewhat aspergated in the process, but it will turn out alright in the end.

Hi again Suz,

Firstly, just tell the school you have other problems so homework is not a priority and your not doing it.


About diet, changes may not help, but it can't hurt.

We used to see a marked difference in behaviour (and being able to focus) when certain foods were cut out. My wife blamed salicilates (sp) but I'm not sure about that. Willy Wonka candies were really bad. Red food dye, blue food dye, colas and especially fanta, high sugar generally. The only soft drinks we ended up having was Sprite (very few additives).

When #2 son got these foods (usually a helpful grandparent or at a birthday party, we could see him get tear-ry and angry. As he got older he said he could feel it coming on. He's 14 now and mostly grown out of it, but he still drinks Sprite in preference to other soft drinks.

A healthy breakfast is important too. I think esp as they get older they need it to be able to maintain concentration thry a longer and busy day.

sorry about reacting abruptly.

I have see a lot of parents join here, complain incessently while they are here and then disappear after a short time. They never really become part of the "community" here, just visitors who whinge. Not that I am saying you are, just that I over reacted.

Welcome to WP.

Yes, I have written out a few of my own social stories for him. I modeled mine after the Help me be good books rather than Carol Gray but only because he really responds to those and he loves the cartoon drawings. For example he has one that stays in his backpack and it is "help me be good on the bus"

Definitely check out Carol Gray's website though

Thanks for your sweet apology, Bazza, completely accepted. I totally understand how you must get tired of reading the same old stuff...in fact I was just thinking about how I didn't want to get on here and just whine and complain. Plus catching people's 'jist' of things on line is always tricky.

Good point about the school. I'll probably continue on with it for the rest of the school year--about a month--he expects it now and knows it's what he does after lunch. But come first grade it will be really interesting to see how that goes. I'm even wondering if a smaller private school may be better for him in the future, as the social stuff gets more in the forefront. (adolescence. eeek.) I guess I'll just wait and see how he does. I try to take it day at a time. Do you have any thoughts on that one? I've always been really happy with our public schools where we live...but with my son now I wonder if he may benefit from something smaller and cozier... ? Hard to know.

Oh man, taking away my boy's sugar. Luckily he eats a pretty good diet of fruit and veggies, but he does love his dessert. (heck, so do I!) Lucky for me, too, he doesn't even like soda! But I'll have to maybe start looking for less sugary alternatives and sneak those in...see what happens...

So tonight, we had the totally easy bed-time. Who knows why sometimes it's good and sometimes bad?

Take good care--Suz

Private schools are usually better, however if you are happy with your public one then I would not jump to private unless you want to for other reasons, especially if it will put at all a financial burden on you. I would use the extra money to help him persue his hobbies and interests, or even put it away for when he is older, for post secondary ed or maybe his own business, house, whatever.

Is it that he really seems that more mature, or is it more to do with his speech rythems and the way that he verbalises some things? This is really common for AS kids, one minute they seem so grown up and "mature" the next they are throwing an infantile tempertantrum or not socially interacting at an age appropreate level. My son recently broke his wrist, when we where at emerg, some nurses and medical staff commented that he was 12 going on 32. Others saw a different side of him where he was screaming like a 3 year old! One minute he is asking questions like "if I get pins in my arm and need an MRI, are they going to come flying out?" (Highly verbal) the next he can't tell the nurses or doctors that he is in pain even when they ask! Eventually he exploded in pain so severe that even a few shots of morphine where little help!

So, it is definately important to remember that just because he has some manerisms or speech patterns of a much older child, he is indeed, still a child and in some ways, when it comes to "functioning" or "socializing" or "advocating" he cannot be counted on to function at an age appropreate level.

As for Tony Atwood, don't let it get you down. Knowing about the bad sides can help you make sure that these things don't happen! He is young, you are getting informed, there is no reason why things can't be turned around and he will have a very nice life. I would have to say the most important thing is going to be understanding him and compasion, making sure that his self esteem remains intact. At the same time, this should not be at the expense of good behavior, but we talked about that already and I think you are getting a better picture of things you can do differently!

Personally, I can't imagine why he has so much homework! I would strongly recommend NOT doing it for the next month or so, tell the school you have other issues to focus on, and perhaps do some work with him in the summer if he is willing. Even if the homework front is going ok, I am sure it is adding to his overall stress load, he already has to go off to a class and do his best to fit in and "function" when he comes home I think it is understandable that things get out of hand easily in other areas, he needs his load lightened a bit.

At his age, any type of work should be more "play" then work, that is how kids learn best, through play. Afterall, they have the rest of their lives to "work".

Quote:

Oh man, taking away my boy's sugar. Luckily he eats a pretty good diet of fruit and veggies, but he does love his dessert. (heck, so do I!) Lucky for me, too, he doesn't even like soda! But I'll have to maybe start looking for less sugary alternatives and sneak those in...see what happens...


Splenda is a wonderful thing

Earth Calling--I do really like my son's primary school, which goes up through 3rd grade. He will get good services (if he qualifies for them, that is, but I'm thinking he will), I actually have a good friend that works there that can look out for him, and at that age kids are generally pretty kind and accepting. The private school thought for me was more because I worry about the social stuff--I'm just wondering if a smaller school, maybe with religious overtones, may be smaller, more intimate, and put a little more emphasis on 'loving one another'. But the nice thing is he has a few more years and I have time to see how he does. He may get along just fine and it won't be a worry. It also gives me time to shop around...and save money....! !! aaak. I worried too about paying for that AND college, but my brother brought up a good point--these are the most formative years and the most important. We can deal with college when it comes!! !

I'm quite my son's maturity is mostly on the surface, with the way he speaks! My NT daughter was always mature for her age, so I'm sure it's easy to think that about him, too.

Thanks for the pep talk re: Tony Attwood. It's all just new to me and reading about all of the many possibilities can be so ovewhelming...just when I think my son's doing pretty darn well I'll read something that could happen that didn't even occur to me! But I do think he is a great resource and I sure wish I could meet with him in person! (doesn't everybody?!) Thanks for your overall support, too. I tend to be a worrier--gee, wonder where my son got his AS? --so I have to force myself not to look at the worst case scenario.

I don't mean it to sound like my son has a ton of homework, he really doesn't. He is supposed to read a very short book each day--like 4 pages, and he LOVES that!--and do a math worksheet which usually consists of 4 problems. I know it's more the idea of it than anything, obviously homework in K isn't going to be to extreme.

Jaleb--Splenda, eh? That is a good idea....! I've always shyed away from that synthetic stuff, tho. Tend to cook with butter verses margarine, that sort of thing. Would rather have the fat then chemicals. But to use occasionally in cakes and cookies instead of sugar may be a really good alternative. Thanks!!

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Before I forget it, ditch the math worksheet, and and replace it with some math games! Worksheets in the primary years just don't work for everyone, I know with my son, that the pictures actually distracted him too much! But without the pictures, his interest was non existant and the concepts too abstract.

What works, is to get physical objects (manipulatives) to work with. Popcicle sticks, pennies, cut out pictrues, and convert the assignment into a hands on activity.

So if he is asked "how many balloons are in this picture?" Ask him instead... Can you count how many pennies are here? You can even drop them off on him at an informal time and really praise up his "good counting". Then let him keep the pennies! (I would let my son keep the change after an "assignment" however he had to understand that it was after all the questions that we used the money for.

For number recognition, a good idea is as you go through a store like Walmart, (any store with big numbers all over the place) play a game where you "hunt" for numbers. "Can you find me a number 2?"

If you need ideas or suggestions as to how to get started doing this, feel free to PM me. I am online obsessively, I can probably have an answer back to you in a couple hours.

This type of hands on physical math works well right up to grade 3. For some homeschoolers, it is all they do up to grade 9.

Some great resources for it is a series of books by Joanne Currah and Jane Felling called "Box Cars and One Eyed Jacks". (Although they do have other titles now too). You can view a sample of their math games for grades 1 and up at http://www.education-world.com/a_lesson ... cars.shtml

Might be a good idea to see how receptive he is to some of the Grade 1 stuff over the summer.

Math was once my sons weakest point. Mid grade 2 he tested at a Kingergarden level. Changing things to hands on has allowed it to become a relative strength for him. YOu need a lot of patience and some creativity, we spend hours and hours sorting things to understand placevalue, but it can be done, and it probably won't happen on a piece of paper!

Anyway, I gotta go, so maybe I 'll respond to some of the other stuff later!

I would leave him where he is for now, if it is a good school and he likes it, why rock the boat? Some private schools actually have less resources to offer a child with special needs, not more. The advantage for the average student is small class sizes, but if your son needs one on one, or special services, they may not be able to provide that.

I would wait and see how the social thing plays out for him. Not all aspies have huge social problems, many just find a niche in the school, and are basically left alone which they are fine with, or do make a couple friends. I think the key is, not to move him around to much that way, it takes years for them to develop relationships, and many get the social lable "mostly harmless" by peers maybe even their good qualities are known for. In moving them, they have to dog it out to find their place again with kids that are at an age that they are not as accepting and are more critical of "differences".

However, sometimes a move can't be avoided, and well hey, that is just life!

Again, your son is 6 and already has a DX! That is fantastic for his future outcome. You can help head off any problems, which many aspie children don't develop anyway. Awareness is the key, knowing what to look for, and making sure his confidence and self esteem remain strong. I think a lot of parents with un diagnosed Aspies feel like they have to crack the shells of their kids, "make them care" or "make them learn concequenses" or the opposite "think they will grow out of it and don't disapline them". Aspies need guidelines and a lot of coaching, not cracking or dismanteling and building back up, nor being left to their own judgement. Just be there for him, listen to him, encourage him to talk about his day and experiances (not always easy) and reward good behavior. In later years at the school, make sure that the school is accomidating him and not trying to stuff him into the NT mold.

I don't think you don't understand the gravity of the situation and if you don't adopt a more realistic attitude, your child will suffer damage from the social situation at school. If you haven't finished Attwood's book, why not? Painful to you? Just think about how painful it will be to him.

Unfortuantely, Earthcalling seldom knows what she is talking about. She's only known about AS since January. She blabs on and on saying all sorts of unsubstantiated blather according to whatever she feels at the moment.

This statement: However, sometimes a move can't be avoided, and well hey, that is just life!

is so far out of touch with reality, I can't even begin to respond to it. Everything you do or not do for your child will affect his future, good or bad. People do have control over their lives. Sometimes, it is hard to the the RIGHT thing.

You can help head off any problems, which many aspie children don't develop anyway

Earthcalling, you are out of your freakin' mind. Young adults here have horrendous problems. How can you write such crap?

Hey, let's not get nasty here. I know I'm only new and don't really 'know' people here, but I don't want to start any tiffs!

First of all I am planning on finishing that book--I never said I wouldn't. I'm just stating a fact that it is painful. I resent even the implication that I won't try to do the best for my child. Right now I am just feeling things out, talking out loud. I haven't made any decisions and obviously--which I'm sure you are aware--I will make on my own no matter what advice I get. It seems to me this should be a safe place to vent and talk about whatever. Nobody knows what's right for each child--they are all different. I'm taking things a day at a time, and if something feels like it needs to be done, when if and when the times comes I will do it. Parenting doesn't come with a manual, whether it's a child with a diagnosis or an NT child. We're all on this forum for the same thing--to try to figure it all out and do the best we can. At least I hope that's what it's all about, or I guess I don't need to be here.

Suz, I'm sorry, but I've raised two children with AS. I've been dealing with it 15 years. There are right and wrong ways to deal with this and that is a fact. You need to read as many books as you can get your hands on, consult psychologists, understand your child's rights and get a good IEP, just to start.

Kids with AS can have serious problems such as depression, OCD, anxiety, just to name a few. About 75% of all aspies suffer clinical depression. Just go read the Haven Forum. 6% of aspies commit suicide. About 80% of aspies are currently unemployed.

So you need to get to work and help your child and you can't do that without the proper information and professional guidance. And you are starting a bit late. My son was in an intensive program when he was 3 and half. By the time he was 6, he didn't have anger issues.

That's because we had a neurologist, psychologist and school system working together to give him the tools he needed to progress. We weren't worried about whether he brushed his teeth on time.

AS is a form of AUTISM. It is a life long problem and it will take a lot of work and understanding just to prevent your son from having his self-esteem destroyed in school.

I agree with whole-heartedly with everything that Seriousgirl had to say. There is only one person who knows what is right for your child. I have 4 children, 2 teen boys with AS, an NT teen and a 6 yr. old with ADD. I take into account the needs of each and every one of them. The one I wrote about before is the one that has the hardest time over-all. He has been with the same children for 8 years and at the middle school for 2 years. He did not want to move so I went into the school and made them change to meet the needs of my son. I did not yell or freak out. I got professional people to be with me for meetings and I argued on behalf of my child. I spoke at assemblies about special needs and Asperger's and talked to the parent's of my son's close friends. Everyone met him at his level and he is the happiest teen I know. But you have to advocate for it. There are no easy answers.

Listen to Blessed. The most important thing you can do for your child is to be their advocate.