My son is insatiable; willl anything including a psych help

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I have no plans at all for the summer.

I always thought that the point of summer was to be free of plans.

If your son wants to go to England, than he should go.

Well, England is sort of mucho bucko's......

How old is he?

He just turned 17 last month. :

OK, there is nothing wrong with that. I have NT friends that have never dated, and they're 21.

motherofhim, I also think you should seek other opinions about his meds.

I've heard good things about a book called "The Teenage Liberation Handbook." I haven't read it, but I've seen it recommended. I also think you should ask him what he wants to do concerning all the issues in his life... he's old enough to have a say. About work... it depends on how high functioning he is. Even a short volunteer stint might be nice.

Maybe he needs to find the right girl. I myself am 20 years old, I have a radio show, I go to college for History Education, and I am doing independent films. On top of that, I am a shred guitarist, musician, poet, artist, and unofficial sociologist. I dress like 1980's heavy metal (NOT HAIR METAL!) and I look like Slash from Guns N' Roses. Girls don't find me attractive, at least the typical shallow ones that want to yack about prada bags and how great paris hilton is.

Please, whatever you do, don't try to make your son "normal". My parents tried doing that, and I took the ball and ran with it for the longest time. Look at me today, I'm a compulsive liar because I've spent my life lying and deceiving people and myself from the truth about what I am. I've gotten so good at lying, I could do it straight to Jesus' face if he were to show up (sorry, tried to find some analogy beyond the lying to the mother's face, because every teen that I know can lie to their parent's faces, so it's not really that big of a deal).

It was only when I embraced what I am, have I felt alive. I am different, there is nothing wrong with that, infact, it's the most awesome thing ever. I'm not you, and I don't want to be you. You're not me, and for GOD's SAKE, don't try to be me!

I would encourage him to get involved with "something" this summer, be it volenteer work, or building something, or maybe picking up an extra course in summer school. I don't think it needs to be very involved or take up most of his time, but doing "something" is a good goal. However, if he is really resistant, then I would not push the issue. After all, I bet that being in school 10 months of the year really takes a lot out of him; he may just need a couple months of relatively low expectations to distress.

As for girls, my guess is he has not met the right girl.

And for food, who buys the groceries? Make sure you keep good food in the house, and portion meals properly (don't over cook). If you have leftovers, dish them up with everyone’s meal and put them straight into the freezer or fridge. I assume he has some extra pocket money, and that is ok, he will probably choose to buy junk with it sometimes, and that is ok. If he is buying nothing but junk food and that is the issue, then I think you need to restructure his spending allowance, maybe cut it back a bit and say that you are starting a fund for him (and do it) for when he is older, either for college, or buying tools for an apprenticeship, or even saving to help him with his first house or apartment! (That is if you think he will one day be living independently). This way, you are cutting back his funds, but not "punishing him".

And I think that seeking a second opinion on the drugs, or even getting him into therapy so he has someone to talk to about things he is going through is a very good idea. The more the professionals know about AS the better. The more help he has, and positive influences the better!

You can't make him "normal", that is not a reasonable goal. Focus more on what will make him happy and successful, and getting him to live as independently as possible. Keep in mind that he may take a little longer before he is an "adult". It seems many NT boys already are not really adult until mid twenties to thirties, but for most aspie boys this is doubly true.

Thank you so much. I have STILL hardly realized or wanted to realize that he is not going to mature like a non - aspie. Maybe I have been trying to hide from the reality and not face up to the differences that my son will always have.

Unfortunately, this is work that I, his mother, must do.

Maybe I need more therapy than I am presently getting in order to deal with what is going on with the differences my son has been born with.

What is your son like when he is off of the drugs? --You may be trying too hard at making him 'Normal'.



The 'C' average isn't particularly a bad thing. I think that perhaps you should try to find out what causes him stress to the point of freaking out, and deal with that, if at all possible, then work on helping him with a job that won't cause him to stress out, if that may be possible.

It is true Aspies mature slower. I was in my late 20's before a lot of things started to dawn on me so to speak. I know with guys it takes a lot longer. I know an Aspie who is 28 and he still has to hold his mothers hand in public. Don't pressure him about getting a girlfriend even if he wants one. There are Aspie males in their 40's who have never dated. He does need to develop a personality to get girls which us Aspies aren't good at developing so some kind of summer time project or volunteer work would be good for him. Vegitating in front of video games all summer is not. What about asking the hospital if they have some kind of volunteer work for a teen Aspie? That would get him good experience plus ability to meet others. They don't pay you but when I was a volunteer they all the time held parties with good food for the hospital volunteers.

The more you come to terms with it, the better you both will be. If you think you need more support through therapy, I think you should go for it. Again i suggest seeking a therapist that knows about AS, or if you can't find one, keep an open mind that the therapist is not an expert and don't be afraid to seek another one if the therapist seems out of touch with your situation. They are not infalliable, and it is not "uncommon" for therapists who don't know about AS to say things that are insensitive or not very understanding. Still though, seeking help is a very good idea!

You can't hide from his problems anymore. With help and support though, he can have a good life, but expect some problems and bumps along the way. He needs your help, support and leadership now more then ever!

My son is 16 and was on Lexapro and Abilify after trying Effexor with horrible results. Right now we see two therapists, one a psychologist, who says bipolar,(hence the meds) but I believe this is wrong and the other a cognitive behavioral therapist who agrees with me that he is an aspie. My son is very verbal about his meds and how they make him feel and what he likes and dislikes about them. The combo of lexapro and Abilify was supposed to help with his outburst(sometimes violent) , his social anxiety and slight depression, but I will tell you nothing has made him "more normal". He still had outbursts, he still has huge difficulties with the social stuff, and his mood really hasn't changed to a more upbeat happy go lucky person. The more I read on asperger's the more I realized that this is what we are dealing with and no medication is going to change that. Not only have I seen first hand that people on the autistic spectrum can sometimes react to meds differently, but they will not change the core problems, they just can't. I am not saying that meds are out of the question, just be careful what they are being prescribed for and what your expectations are for them.

My son says the Lexapro dulls him and screws with his short term memory. It also causes him to gain wieght. He is artistic and plays guitar, but he said the Lexapro interferes with this. Since we have not seen any signifigant change with the Lexpro we( me, him and the doc) decided to let him go off it and just keep the Abilify which he says does help take the edge off a tiny bit on the social anxiety. We have not seen any change in behavior other than he is drawing again. We are working on getting into another doctor to see what they say, apparently alot of them say they are educated in asperger's, but are not as educated as they should be. All in all the cognitive behavioral therapist has helped the most and has been the only one after a long time to get him to open up and talk about how he feels.

My son does not exercise either and has no plans for the summer. We try to keep him busy around the house, and if he doesn't want to go out, we give him a project to work on. I don't mean like school work, but something like, redecorating your bedroom for the least amount of money...something he likes and gets his mind going. As far as exercise we give him chores to do like cutting wood, cutting grass, that sort of thing. We also set up the badmitten set and try to play often as he likes this, anything that gets him moving. Another good thing is walking, but you should do this together, it's easy, good exercise and a great chance to talk to him. I find I can talk to my son about situations that might otherwise cause a blow up without an issue when we are walking. I guess it's harder to get angry when you are moving,lol.

I would be happy that your son is going to school, and getting C's. My son's social issues along with his sensory issues cause him to be home probably 3 days a week and meltdown the other two to where I have to go get him. He is failing alot of classes due to absence alone. Remember it is alot to sit in class and feel assaulted by the world you have so much trouble understanding in the first place, let alone learn something.

Good luck and keep searching for the right help.

I was actually just thinking about your son while going through my recycling in the kitchen. I was thinking about his C average.

I think the fact he is pulling off a C shows some level of stability in him. That is a good thing. I know with me, I was a crash and burn student, either getting high 80's and 90's, or failing, (my all time low was 10% in geology, at midterm I had a 35% and asked the teacher "do I stand any hope of passing this course if I do everything from here on, and he told me a flat "no". So I put my efforts to other things). Anyway, when I was mentally "not there" or really stressed out, I failed everything really good, when I was feeling better, I did really well. I know this was similar to my NT friends. If they where really struggling with things or overwhelmed by life, the last thing they could do is pull off a C Average.

I am not saying that he does not need help or is "fine" but I think it shows that things may not be as bad as you dread. I would still get him counselling, and get him a few psych consults, but make sure he knows that it isn't because you think he is "broken" that it is just you want to make sure that he is indeed, getting the best course of treatment available.

Also, my husband and I have been discussing a lot about the benifits of focusing on a childs strengths. This is a spin off of the management style at his place of work, where they focus on their employees strengths. I am just going to talk about kids and school though, because our kids are not our "employees!

Basically, it works like this, lets just say a child brings home a report card, they get a B in science, a B in math, a C in history, a C in geography, and a D in English. What are most parents going to focus on first? The B's in Science and Math? Or the D in English. I bet that it is that troubling D. Many parents would rush the child off to tutoring programs, cut back on extra curriculars, and even resort to "bribing" them to get that grade up!

Is this the right thing to do? Maybe in some situations. If you know your child is usually a strong English student, then you will want to see them back on track. Maybe they need a little extra support to get over the "hump" maybe they are recently not being disciplined enough, maybe they have a teacher that is not compatible with them!

But, if your child has a life long history of struggling in English, maybe a better way to approach things is to focus on the B's in Science and Math. Recognize that those are your Childs strengths, and play to them. Perhaps enrol them in an local environmental organization or club, perhaps see what work or volunteer opportunities are open in the area that would nurture this interest. Encourage them to do the best they can in these areas, make that their "focus" and see if you can get those B's up to A's!

Now, that does not mean you "blow off" English! After all, even scientists and mathematicians need a method to communicate and make reports! But maybe having them "focus" on English solely to get that grade up is not a great idea. Maybe they need some accommodations, or even to repeat the credit, and that is an ok thing! Maybe they need to not take it in class, and do the credit spread over a year with one on one support through correspondence. Maybe they need to move down a level. Maybe you could see if instead of studying "Shakespeare" or "creative writing" if these things are not the Childs interests, they can focus more on "report writing" to complement their science projects?

Generally, the more you look at life, the more you see that there is more then one way to do things! I would tell your son that you are proud of his C's, and the fact he is trying, and maybe see if he can show interest in moving just "one or two" courses up a level next year! Make short term achievable goals! As long as you are taking forward steps, things are improving!