Do all parents of ASD kids wonder if they have it too?

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For me, I was too busy at the time dealing with my son's diagnosis to even consider myself. A few months after his traumatic birth my life was turned upside down for a very long time and it wasn't only until a couple years ago that I was able to come out of the fog completely to start really thinking about it. I knew my son's behaviors and sensitivities mirrored my own, except for his delayed speech, because I talked at a normal age. I remember a lot, earliest memories of my life are at three years old, but I asked my mom about me as well and at first, just like with my son, she outright denied it. Then, low and behold to me, she had been thinking about it and came to the conclusion, that yeah, if they had testing back then I would have gotten the diagnosis. She pointed out all kinds of things and how different I was from my siblings and how frustrated she would get with me and so I was the "willful" child who challenged everything because my understanding of it was different. I know I have it without a doubt now, it fits too well. Seeking a diagnosis, I don't think it's for me mainly because at this point, what would it accomplish for me? I can't think of anything beyond confirmation of what I know.

I will admit that the thought did not occur to me on my own. I was a member of an online aspie group and they started asking me. At first I flat out denied it, but then when they started explaining why they wondered, I started to wonder, too.

In the end, I am not NT, but I am not ASD either. I am a shadow or an AC (autistic cousin). When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, it became obvious to me and my parents that I most definitely have ADD. That was a shocker to me. I had a completely false understanding of what it meant to have ADD. I thought that because I often HYPERfocused, that it meant that I couldn't have "attention deficit" disorder. Clearly. Sometimes I paid attention so hard that I lost everything around me! LOL! The truth is, I find it hard to draw a line between ADD and the spectum sometimes. My son has both and it is hard to tell what is what.

But I have known parents who adamantly deny it, sometimes even when they might not be right And I have also known parents who have never thought they were, and definitely are not.

But I do think there are a lot of us who have probably always known at some level that we are not like other people. Yet we were raised as if we were "normal," so we assumed we were normal. Until we found the explanation for why we always felt different and found out that the reason has a name.

My mom believes that my late father may have had AS, but she also believes that males who have ASD are pretending to have ASD so males can indulge in being self-centered.

My dad should think about it, because he totally does. Unfortunately he gets offended at the idea (thanks a lot!...). It's a shame as I think it would help him to get a diagnosis, but there you are.

Thank. I never heard those terms, shadow and cousin. Makes so much sense!

Yes, I thought about it a lot when my son was diagnosed. Partly at least because my mother always said that he was very like me as a small child. My son and I are very alike in many ways.

I remember reading somewhere that many people who are diagnosed as adults seek out an assessment after a child in the family has been diagnosed. I'm 48 now, so diagnosis wasn't an option when I was a child.

For a while I wondered if I was just seeing autism in everyone, but I don't see it all in my father's side of the family. My mother's side - yes. I suspect my late grandfather may have been autistic, and my sister and I may well both have been at least assessed, and possibly diagnosed if we had been born 30 years later. At one point I did ask my GP for an assessment but he didn't bother making the referral, and it had been hard enough to ask for it in the first place, so I just let it go.

You are REALLY going to have to let that word go if you want to keep hanging out on forums for people with disabities without getting harassed.

Make like Elsa and let it go.

You know what word I mean. And don't try to start pulling the "I'm a rebel and you can't make me speak PC" stuff on me here. Just putt that word in the same catagory as N-----r and never let it leave your lips or fingertips again.

I was in education when it went from being a legit diagnostic category to being a cuss word. It's confusing as heck and I'm autistic, I don't DO change. But I did change this time. If I could do it, so can you.

To answer your original question, yes. I think the vast majority of parents wonder this at least briefly. I've worked with many parents who have kids on the spectrum. And every single one of them has "confessed" at some point, that they think they might have it too, or that they have a touch of that. Or that they are ADHD and they know there is a link.

The truth is that the generation having the school aged children right now did not have the same access to diagnosis as children. A lot of them are undiagnosed. And then there is this idea of BAP, broader autism phenome - the idea that if you broaden things out and look for some traits of autism without meeting all of the dx catagories, you find a MUCH higher rate of autistic children come from families with BAP.

When I was a kid, ADHD was something delinquent boys had. Not smart, compliant, well-mannered girls. And when my dad was a kid, I doubt most parents had ever heard the word autism. He was seen as obstinate, particular, brilliant, and stand-offish or superiority complex. Meanwhile, I had pretty obvious ADD and he had pretty obvious Aspergers. And BAP? Forget about it. You are hard pressed to find someone in my family who DOESN'T fall somewhere in that category.

In reply to the message above about my use of the "r" word, I was not using it as slang for someone with special needs (like my own children), and I certainly didn't mean any offense here, where I come for support. Although I know the term has been politically charged and I did take a risk using it here, please understand that before the word was coopted by the education system in our country it was originally and remains a scientific term meaning simply delayed. That's what I meant, sorry to having been unclear and to have upset someone.

Your information is 20 years old. It is not longer used by any organization for a human being. The only thing that is literally ret*d these days is mold on citrus fruits and shower curtains.

Let's just stop with the excuse making here, OK. You used an offensive cuss word, meant to denigrate people with disabilities, on a webpage for people with disabilities. The fact that your children are in our numbers doesn't make it better. It makes it worse. And you saying that the problem is that you were "unclear" makes me go from bemused that you made that kind of social error to properly offended.

Just stop. Before your kids hear you using that and decide that its an OK thing to call people they don't like. And that maybe the kids on the playground are correct when they call them ret*d. Because they are getting called that. If they are even a little different, that cuss word has been applied to them. If it hasn't happened yet, it will soon enough.

What are you going to tell your kids when that day comes? "I'm sorry they called you ret*d honey, but historically that word was used to define people as unable to learn and therefore confined to institutionalization. Do you feel better now?"

https://www.theguardian.com/society/201 ... ampaign-us

Personally I don't want to see the R word or any of its variants used here at any time, it is bound to cause offence, and the rules are that posting offensive material likely to bait, flame or offend members is not acceptable, whatever the poster's intention or belief. This particularly applies to racist terms like the N word, dehumanising terms like the R word, and sexist terms that represent misogyny. Continued use of any of these terms by any member can lead to formal warnings or banning or both. Let's just not go there. Peace.

Meh. The r word is a medical term, still used. Context is everything. One of my 5 yr old twins suffered from IUGR (intrauterine growth r-word). That was the exact medical terminology, even in 2011.

But, if it's a strict no-go here, completely understood. Other no-go words have always been insults, not medical terms that have been co-opted. But still, I get it, and everyone should comply. However, shaming folks (especially new ones) who don't know the rules doesn't seem right. Especially given how broadly this site reaches across the world.

Thank you. Because of past bullying and taunting by bullies in the past, the R word is particularly likely to be triggering to some members here. The rate of bullying of AS people is comparatively very high, the wounds run very deep, and the hurt tends to be persistent, so sensitivity toward avoiding trigger words related to those past experiences is very much appreciated.

Yes... I spend some time wondering even though I think it is very unlikely for me! I do see some similarities with me and my kids.. but I think it's more the attention piece of it.

My husband definitely has some traits. I think my bio dad and my husband's mother and brother have some traits, too.

I thought you had me there. But then I googled. And guess what? They are changing the name for that, too. Its now called "Intrauterine Growth Restriction."

Here are the new ICD codes. They came into use in 2015. https://icd.codes/icd10cm/P059
The ICD 9 still used retardation, but most other organizations stopped using that long before the insurance companies came around. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrauter ... estriction

The reason for the terminology change is that the word ret*d is strongly associated with a non-changable inability to learn, and typically resulted in institutionalization for most of the 20th century. It wasn't used to describe a need for educational support, it was used as an excuse to NOT treat people. If you were ret*d, there was nothing that could be done for you. Outside forces had ruined any chance you had of a happy life and the best you could do was not be a burden.

This thing were we blame it all on being PC is not the whole story. Its not a cuss word just because some people use it colloquially. Its a cuss word because its OFFICIAL meaning was that of hopelessness.