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Aspergers/HFA teen playing dumb and regressing

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somanyspoons
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09 Nov 2016, 11:09 am

raky wrote:
Thanks all for your suggestions.

We had enrolled him in appropriate residential/academic program after he finished the high school. But our son does not have the necessary independent living skills to survive there. Before going there we tried hard to work with him so he learns day to day skills. He said he will just learn once he is there. But once there he did not survive and dropped from the program. Now he does not want to do anything until he finishes Pokémon encyclopedia which will take a few years. We do understand the logic behind therapist's suggestion to be stricter as seemingly there is no other option. He is so lacking in skills and against learning that if we drop dead tomorrow he will on the road and probably won’t survive.
Inviting the suggestions of the members of this forum is an effort to take another step in this tough journey.


Either your son is a very slow reader, or I don't understand the pokemon encyclopedia. How can even a very big book take years to read? Anyways, I guess that doesn't matter.

So, he doesn't have the skill set that I had at his age. The options I had won't work. My parents kicked me out of the house - and I was only a few months away from starting grad school, but they thought I was being lazy. I had to camp-out in a state park until school started. (Lol. Note the skill set disconnect there. I was a competent camper, but not someone who could manage to find a friend's couch to stay on for a few weeks. To this day, my lack of this kind of friendship confounds my parents. They just don't get that I have no options but them. If they needed a place to stay for a few weeks, they would have a dozen happy offers from friends.)

The same principle around self-actualization and depression applies. Happy people don't spend 100% of their time in a book for years on end. Happy people can spend a LOT of time on a book, but not all of their time. So, the self-actualization thing still matters.

Can he be bought? Can you pay him to do household chores? Or find a friend who is willing to pay him to do something he is competent in around their home or business? If he was around here, I'd be happy to let him do some chore for the clinic for a little real pay. And the pay off emotionally would be that the town I live in is an amazing pokemon go hub.

Pokemon club is a good idea. Lean into the obsession. Sometimes that helps it "break" the obsession so that I can move on with my life. I need to know all the things so that I can let myself get bored and start to "come up for air." You can look on meetup.com to see if there's a group near you. Talk to the organizer. You might be surprised how many geeks are aware of autism and happy to hang with our kind.

I still think a re-eval of his meds might be in order. I personally hate psych meds, but my instinct tells me this is part of the problem.

I know, these ideas are probably crap. But there's not much else I have to say. It sounds like your family is in a ruff spot right now. And I wish the best for you.

Added: Here's something that worked in my family with my cousin, who does have intellectual weaknesses and does not have the skill to live without family members to help him. They put him in charge of the family cable and internet service. He is OBSESSED with WWF wrestling (or what ever modern derivation thereof.) And he has strong feelings about sports teams and which cable premium channels carry the teams he wants to see. So, he's in charge of that for real. He pays for it. He calls the company if there is a problem. If he doesn't pay, the whole house doesn't get cable or internet. (The family runs a small business so the business does have a different internet line.) Yes, they did go without TV for a while to show him they meant it. Of course, they helped with things like finding and transporting him to jobs to make money to pay for the cable bill. And they helped him learn how to mail the check, and they stand by while he talks to the cable people, or more recently, and this is genius if you ask me - he managed to get one of his friends from high school to call for him. Now THAT is a life skill.



ASS-P
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09 Nov 2016, 5:41 pm

...I was first " made homeless " when twentyish , after being committed :cry: .



somanyspoons wrote:
raky wrote:
Thanks all for your suggestions.

We had enrolled him in appropriate residential/academic program after he finished the high school. But our son does not have the necessary independent living skills to survive there. Before going there we tried hard to work with him so he learns day to day skills. He said he will just learn once he is there. But once there he did not survive and dropped from the program. Now he does not want to do anything until he finishes Pokémon encyclopedia which will take a few years. We do understand the logic behind therapist's suggestion to be stricter as seemingly there is no other option. He is so lacking in skills and against learning that if we drop dead tomorrow he will on the road and probably won’t survive.
Inviting the suggestions of the members of this forum is an effort to take another step in this tough journey.


Either your son is a very slow reader, or I don't understand the pokemon encyclopedia. How can even a very big book take years to read? Anyways, I guess that doesn't matter.

So, he doesn't have the skill set that I had at his age. The options I had won't work. My parents kicked me out of the house - and I was only a few months away from starting grad school, but they thought I was being lazy. I had to camp-out in a state park until school started. (Lol. Note the skill set disconnect there. I was a competent camper, but not someone who could manage to find a friend's couch to stay on for a few weeks. To this day, my lack of this kind of friendship confounds my parents. They just don't get that I have no options but them. If they needed a place to stay for a few weeks, they would have a dozen happy offers from friends.)

The same principle around self-actualization and depression applies. Happy people don't spend 100% of their time in a book for years on end. Happy people can spend a LOT of time on a book, but not all of their time. So, the self-actualization thing still matters.

Can he be bought? Can you pay him to do household chores? Or find a friend who is willing to pay him to do something he is competent in around their home or business? If he was around here, I'd be happy to let him do some chore for the clinic for a little real pay. And the pay off emotionally would be that the town I live in is an amazing pokemon go hub.

Pokemon club is a good idea. Lean into the obsession. Sometimes that helps it "break" the obsession so that I can move on with my life. I need to know all the things so that I can let myself get bored and start to "come up for air." You can look on meetup.com to see if there's a group near you. Talk to the organizer. You might be surprised how many geeks are aware of autism and happy to hang with our kind.

I still think a re-eval of his meds might be in order. I personally hate psych meds, but my instinct tells me this is part of the problem.

I know, these ideas are probably crap. But there's not much else I have to say. It sounds like your family is in a ruff spot right now. And I wish the best for you.

Added: Here's something that worked in my family with my cousin, who does have intellectual weaknesses and does not have the skill to live without family members to help him. They put him in charge of the family cable and internet service. He is OBSESSED with WWF wrestling (or what ever modern derivation thereof.) And he has strong feelings about sports teams and which cable premium channels carry the teams he wants to see. So, he's in charge of that for real. He pays for it. He calls the company if there is a problem. If he doesn't pay, the whole house doesn't get cable or internet. (The family runs a small business so the business does have a different internet line.) Yes, they did go without TV for a while to show him they meant it. Of course, they helped with things like finding and transporting him to jobs to make money to pay for the cable bill. And they helped him learn how to mail the check, and they stand by while he talks to the cable people, or more recently, and this is genius if you ask me - he managed to get one of his friends from high school to call for him. Now THAT is a life skill.


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CockneyRebel
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11 Nov 2016, 5:00 am

League_Girl wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
raky wrote:
Over the last 4-5 years he has lost whatever interest he has in video games, travel and even TV. He has made a life goal of going thru some encyclopedia about Pokemon and that too is very slow progress and has become multiyear project.




Has none of the therapists suggested depression? This is what it sounds like to me.



I thought the same.


I'm also wondering the same thing as well.


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raky
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19 Nov 2016, 12:17 pm

somanyspoons thanks for sharing your experiences. The problem with slow Pokemon is not slow reading speed (he can read about 15 pages per hour) but the way he does things, motivated only when his belief system thinks it is right to do. He is very slow with Pokemon encycl. as per his belief if he has completed 80% of a page in one day and has to do the rest later, he will restart next day. Many other wrong thoughts like this. He even did not enjoy Pokemon Go as per his thinking it was not the right thing to do. Right now just want to stay home and do as his mind wishes. No co-operation for any vocational or independent living. That is why therapists working with us see the need for more strictness and doctors thinks nothing can be done! Out here to hear others experiences!



somanyspoons
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19 Nov 2016, 5:10 pm

raky wrote:
somanyspoons thanks for sharing your experiences. The problem with slow Pokemon is not slow reading speed (he can read about 15 pages per hour) but the way he does things, motivated only when his belief system thinks it is right to do. He is very slow with Pokemon encycl. as per his belief if he has completed 80% of a page in one day and has to do the rest later, he will restart next day. Many other wrong thoughts like this. He even did not enjoy Pokemon Go as per his thinking it was not the right thing to do. Right now just want to stay home and do as his mind wishes. No co-operation for any vocational or independent living. That is why therapists working with us see the need for more strictness and doctors thinks nothing can be done! Out here to hear others experiences!


You're not really going to try any of our suggestions, or your therapists suggestions, are you?

I can see where your son gets these traits from!

Good luck to you and your family. I know you'll figure it out when you are good and ready to do so.