Wife wants to get rid of 'screen time' for my son

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Every now and then someone will come on here and post that want to take away a special interest b/c they find the chatter annoying or that this has happened to them when they were kids.

Autistic kids have to have an outlet for that and if that is what the OP's wife is trying to kill then maybe she needs to read up on autism.

I think some comments are a little harsh on the wife. I think there is a problem with too much screen time. She is just trying to take care of her family. Often when people are frustrated with something they feel like throwing it out altogether. For most people nowadays, that's not going to fly.

The AAP offers this:

"For children ages 6 and older, place consistent limits on the time spent using media, and the types of media, and make sure media does not take the place of adequate sleep, physical activity and other behaviors essential to health.
Designate media-free times together, such as dinner or driving, as well as media-free locations at home, such as bedrooms.
Have ongoing communication about online citizenship and safety, including treating others with respect online and offline."

I won't lie, I have probably the same views as the wife. I hate all the screens and feel like they get in the way of real life. I want my kids doing productive things, and I think that video games are trash. But, he's already into them. And, as stated, he has this as a special interest. I wouldn't be thrilled, but I would give an hour a day on school days to play video games. Several hours on the weekend. He's probably not on the computer too much anyways at his age.

And maybe the husband could be open to this. Maybe he could agree to take a vacation and leave all the electronics at home. Maybe agree to a certain amount of time or a day that was light on screens. There's so many things you can do to work it out with your partner. In the end, do you really want to fight about this? Make each other happy.

Bah. Screens vs. Real Life? Are we homo erectus or homo sapiens?

Seriously: do astronomers, architects, engineers, physicists, computer scientists, mathematicians, journalists, office workers, playwrights and animators have too much screen time?










This is the civilization we live in. I'm pretty sure you aren't reading this from an inked papyrus or clay tablet.

I agree with the OP. I think it would be a big mistake for your wife to eliminate all screen time from your son. I think she needs to read up on autism and special interests. How do you make an autistic person miserable? Eliminate their special interests. It won't take long for the person to stop trusting you enough to talk to you.

I absolutely agree because in the modern era, screens are real life. I think there are a lot of people just stuck on how they think childhood ought to be and what they picture is kids physically frolicking and playing.

I remember my parents used to kick us out to play outside and I would literally just sit on the stoop for the whole time because I knew that if I relieved the boredom by playing that the next time we had that discussion what I would hear would be, "But the last time you loved it and had so much fun." I don't think I made them do it any less because I think one of the reasons was my parents didn't want to hear us fight over the TV, but I do think I kept them from doing it more often and so in my mind it was worth it.

Play in animals serves a function because they are practicing for real life adulthood. A lot of human play is really just recreation. Playing baseball outside doesn't prepare you for adulthood any better than playing it on a screen unless you are going to be a pro baseball player.

Edited to add, as long as you get enough exercise to be healthy, most people in the modern day do not need it as training for adulthood careers. Anything else is just recreation.

I doubt your wife wants to or could take all his screen time away, but limiting it might not be a bad idea. Kids on the spectrum tend to be really comfortable with their electronics, not so comfortable without them. If a child spends too much time playing games, they won't spend enough time socializing and taking part in the community. Many needed skills may never be acquired.

Visit a forum for parents of children on the spectrum, and you will quickly see a pattern. Those with teenaged kids almost all complain that they can't motivate their children to do anything besides play on their ipad or other devices.

Look at this very site and you'll see people in he their 20s and 30s have deep regret that they spent their whole teens and 20s playing video games while life passed them by.

Now, it is super cool that he is so interested. Maybe he will be a great developer of games. But even developers need people skills, and the only way to get those is to be around people. Let him have fun and enjoy, but also make sure, especially while he is so young, to help him become a well-rounded individual, and make him join the world sometimes, rather than spending all his time in his own.

Playing video games is a lot different than making video games. While your son is playing those video games, he's working on his hand eye coordination skills, but not doing much in the way that will help him actually design video games. 7 is an excellent age to learn new things...kids at this age learn extremely fast, so instead of playing video games, how about you start to teach him some coding, or if he can't read yet, and is too young for that, then how about digital drawing/modelling so when he does start to code, he will have some skills in place to actually make a game with a GUI?

That is the other thing too, is the OP did not say how much of the screen time is gaming versus learning and doing other things. There is a difference if the child is only playing games and watching silly videos or if he is using significant time for learning.

My son learned so much from the screen time he has. He has taught himself foundations for other languages. He watches math videos.

So again, it is unclear, specifically what his wife is actually complaining about. Screen time does not mean unproductive time, and even when it is unproductive, it does not mean a lot of non-screen time is not also unproductive. So it is hard to tell if the wife is upset about unproductive time or literally any type of screen time.

I really wish her luck. Unless you live in an Amish community or in the depths of the rain forest, technology is everywhere these days...even in some Amish communities technology is allowed.

You will get debatable responses from this, but theres many things to consider. First one and most important, there are predators online that roam games like Minecraft, Blockworld, the Playstation and Nintendo network specifically looking for children with autism. I've found this happened to my son twice, and I never would've found out if I wasn't an extremely nosy parent. My son loves video games and computers in general and he was accepted in the pre engineering program at his high school and takes video game design courses at the local university in the summer time (its a camp. He's not actually in college). He's so good at computers the school has given him the job "tech guy" and he's able to fix computers, remove viruses, and update the software. He also has expanded his interests in robotics. He's extremely brilliant and if computers are their passion I'd say let your child stay with what makes him happy. If "screen time" is a problem they sell glasses that are around $100 that filters blue light which affects sleep. Just be extremely careful if your child is online, but remember, Bill Gates has Aspergers and always had a passion for computers. Look where he is now.

In today's world it's hard not to have too much screen time. As a parent I am in a similar situation with my 6 year old son. I can offer this perspective... my son loves transformers and minecraft. Both are special interests to him. As parents we have set limits as to how much time collectively he can play or watch videos per day. Throughout his day though he can earn additional time based on behavior. We feel that this recognizes his need to fulfill his special interests so isn't void of it but puts the onus on him to earn more time via a "token system". So far it seems to be working as a happy medium. Kind Regards, Shark

How about transitioning his passion into a practical form? Ie getting a Raspberry Pi board and programming it to what application he wants. This in turn takes his screen passion into a practical passion that you may both enjoy doing together.. This way you can both code and design practical applications on a basic level giving entry into the game coding world... Also look for literature on universities doing such courses and possible financial gains that can be made by such a profession.. If your wife sees this then she may be a little more open to it than taking your own word on the matter... Again like with anything it is hard to find balance... Especially when you have a great passion for such an area... Total restriction can have a negative effect and may make your child resentful... If it is his dream then it is good to try an support no matter what the age...However if one family member is fundamentally against any such thing then as mentioned she may have her own issues that are brought on by social pressures or ideologies. However if you are both spending dozens of hours each day on the computer your wife may be just wishing to want to spend more ''family'' time together to do other things also... Computers can be great but also rather addictive... I kind of fall into that category..

It has been quite a while since the original post and quite a while since the OP has checked back, but I hope he will have a chance to see my input and share it with his wife.

I honestly see both sides. I HATE the way screens have taken over our world, and I find them very addicting for myself and for my NT daughter. The two of us need outside influences to keep our worst instincts in check but, unfortunately, my job requires me to use screens all day. I am seriously considering changing my career as a result.

My ASD son, however, lives in the world of screens and is making his career from it. He can come alive in the digital world in a way that he was never able to in the tangible world. In the digital world, his disgraphia disappears and he can communicate beautifully. In the digital world he can program results and follow logic that appeal to him. He is a game inventor and a programmer by nature; both skills are highly instinctive for him.

But my son is also not inclined to stick to the screen for purely entertainment purposes. He does not get sucked into addictive video games and he does not binge watch TV shows like my daughter and I do. Just as much as he is drawn to the digital world, he is drawn outside into the quiet and solitude of nature. He loves to bike, camp and hike. He joined Boy Scouts as a youngster and fell in love with everything about the program. He is an Eagle Scout and still involved in the scouting honor society. He will easily put down his computer for an event with his Order of the Arrow buddies. He loves table top gaming like Magic, too, and started going to Magic nights at a local game store when he was in middle school. Despite his talents in the digital world, he NEVER made it his everything. I've never felt the need to limit him; there have never been signs that he stays on-line longer than actually makes him happy (unlike with my daughter and I).

I don't think you need to limit his screen time, but I would recommend the following:

1. Prioritize educational games or productive on-line activities. He is still a little young to program, but he can get introduced to some basic structures through a game like Minecraft. At my son's summer job he actually spent a week teaching programming to 11 and 12 year olds starting from Minecraft as a platform. Make sure that his use of the digital world involves creativity, not just mindless interaction.

2. Enroll him in other activities to make sure he has a chance to sample a broad range of potential non-digital interests. My son played soccer until he was 11 (he really liked it, but reached a point where his lack of talent was becoming physically dangerous), was highly involved in Boy Scouts (loved it, as noted earlier), and acted in both community and school plays (there is a script! amazing how many ASD children end up really enjoying the stage).

3. If there are any table top game groups in your community, have your son get involved with those. Magic, Dungeons and Dragons, etc may all be activities he will actually enjoy more than the screen.

If you find him sticking to the screen instead of doing non-screen activities that you know he loves, then you have a problem. I wish I could tell your wife that banning screens would fix the problem, but I can't. You have to smartly schedule things that will naturally have him part from it.