Oh God, the restaurants ! !! !

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It is too bad that my father doesn't have restaurants all over North America. I have 2 AS sons, 1 son who is ADD with AS traits and one daughter who is 6 with ADHD. My father has AS and runs a family restaurant in our city.
My kids grew up eating in the restaurant because I was a single mom and it was my parents way of helping me out. When my youngest son had one of his daily meltdowns and someone would complain, my dad would point out that it was a family restaurant and all children were welcome. He basically told them that they had a choice not to come back if they didn't understand children. I always took my son into the washroom so he could get some control without people staring but they would still complain. We didn't know that my kids or dad had AS at the time. He also played with other children that would be getting tired of sitting still.
As for humming and making odd noises, my father starts to hum as soon as the restaurant gets busy and hums and clicks his way right through the stressful rush hour. He has even been known to start telling jokes to customers that are a little inappropriate but the regular customers all know what he is like and he has had the same customers for years. They all love him, and they all love my kids. It is really great!

(The restaurant also has many adult clientel that have other physical and mental challenges because they know it is a safe non-judgemental place to eat.)

Reading this thread is like reading about my family trying to eat in a restaurant!

My husband and I tag team whie waiting for the food to arrive - we have to take it in turns to take the boys for a walk beause they cannot sit still while waiting. It's like having 3 x 18 month olds (but in bigger bodies). - touching everything, shoving the sugar sachets in their mouths etc

We only go to restaurants where we can sit outside and the boys can run up and down.

When they're stuck indoors they go crazy and will run around and got up to people and say things like 'You look crazy!!".

we usually end up with delivery or food we can take home instead of eat there............there's absolutely something to be said for working on social skills, and helping your kid to learn proper etiquette when going to a restaurant~ there's also something to be said about not overwhelming them when you've found after years of going to restaurants, that they just can't handle the stimulation. Our son is 15 now~ sometimes he can handle a restaurant, and sometimes he just cannot. We are fortunate that he is articulate enough to tell us, and that we are willing to accomodate his wishes.
hubby and i still go out as a couple~ just family things get a bit complicated.

I am so glad I found this website and all of you. It's so comforting to know that my family aren't the only ones having these similar problems.
We too usually try to find "kid friendly " restaurants whenever we can, and my husband and I also have to do the tag team thing with D. Indoor, loud, restaurants seem to pose the largest problem, and wouldn't you know it, the reason we're usually in an environment like that is during eat outs with relatives or friends.
I still struggle with what to say and how to inform my relatives and to what extent explain that D has Asperger's....to me, I wish it could be a simple explanation, but we all know there isn't one.

Eating out is a major problem for us too. When my mom was alive, my parents would come down to visit every month or so, and my dad doesn't like fast food or pizza places, so we'd go to a regular slow-food restaurant and Vlad would want to explore. At buffet-style places, he'd get up anytime an adult got up, and end up wandering around if not stopped. My dad has OCD (undiagnosed) and it would really bother him that Vlad wasn't behaving properly.

Once Vlad got verbal enough to tell us what he wanted to eat, his behavior improved. Also, we had some luck with bringing a bag of activities (crayons, books, little quiet toys) with to keep him busy until the food arrived. Sometimes he'd be fine, other times it would be a nightmare.

Since my mom died, my dad rarely visits, and we don't go out to eat much. With other activities, like going to the library or the grocery store, it took many many visits until Vlad really got the hang of it. I suspect that part of the problem with going out to eat is that it never was a regular enough thing for him to get used to it. He has major problems with going to see movies too, and of the 3 movies he's seen in the theater, I spent the better part of 2 of them with him in the lobby. If we took him to see a movie every week, maybe he'd get the hang of it eventually, it just takes him a long time to get used to new things.

I am the owner of a small ice-cream parlor. I'm also new to the understanding of aspergers and autism. About 2 years ago I had a parent come in with two small boys - one about 3 years old and the other around 5. The 5 year old appeared to be out of control. Mom picked him up, grabbed the 3 year old and fled, I heard her say I guess we are going to be a drive-up family. I didn't think much of it, felt sorry for the Mom but felt she did the right thing. Two weeks later they all showed up at the drive-up.

The 5 year old wanted to place his own order, the Mom said "No", "The lady doesn't have time to wait for you to place your order". I said sure I do (I remembered them), then I added have you been a good boy? The 5 year old said yes so he gets ice cream. He had a difficult time ordering but I was patient and he gave me his order. They came every week for over two years and when I opened the window he would scream "I've been a good boy". I would praise him and ask for his order. Sometimes his Mom would ask me to ask him if he did his homework, or if he picked up his room, for some reason he was better behaved if I would make a comment to him. Now this boy is 7 years old and he comes into the ice cream store, orders his ice cream with chocolate syrup - he always orders the same thing. For two years he had to come to the drive up window, for two years he noticed that he could see the restroom from the drive up window. When he finally was able to come in - the first place he wanted to see was the restroom. We gave him a complete tour of the ice cream store (it's a very small place) and he was very impressed and well behaved.

So I think if maybe you can find a Mom and Pop type restaurant and explain that you are working with a child who has aspergers or autism that you might find it to be less of a stressful experience.

We have three families who bring there autistic children into our ice cream parlor and we have seen them progress with their manners. If we are told they are autistic, we know to serve their ice cream in bigger containers or instead of spoons some of them prefer forks and we accomodate.

it's so nice to hear from someone so accomodating ! thank you so much !

we eat out occasionally, but we try to go when it won't be TOO busy, Friday and Saturday nights are out, and we let my son "hide" under the table when he is not eating. People do give us the strangest looks and I am sure it is not the cleanest place to be, but so be it :)

My son doesn't have typically a problem in restaurants as long as he's got something else to do to occupy his mind a little. Meaning - we take his game boy, or the restaurants we go to will usually have crayons and things like that. We've been going out to eat since he was a baby - and I think my son just knows what it's like now? I will say though, if he's in a situation where there is just too much going on (typically that's when we have the entire family together and there's nothing else for him to do but sit there) - he can't sit still. He'll suddenly announce that he has to get his energy out, and someone will have to go with him outside so that he can run...and I mean run. My parents used to go nuts about it, but now that they understand, my dad is typically one of the first people to want to go outside with him to watch him run.

I don't know if this would or will actually help anyone...
My mother didn't know that my brother and I (and my dad...)had asperger's before she past, but this did seem to help all the same. (My sister is NT btw.)
When I was younger, and my mom would take us to resturaunts or shopping, if my brother and/or I would get "fussy" (which I now realize is a result of being stressed), she would tell us "if you don't like it, you can go to the car". This gave us a chance to go to the car (and calm down). She started this when we were younger, and our dad would go to the car with us, and when I turned 12 (my brother is 2 years younger). It was usually me and him, unless my sister was worn out by us, and she would go with us and lie down. We would usually just listen to music or talk.

If it was a resturaunt, me and my brother would get carry out, or would eat as much as we wanted in order to get out sooner, or both.

Just an idea.