Things I'm having trouble getting my daughter to learn.

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I'm whats considered a technical savant (I'm abnormally good at figuring out how things work and how to operate them) and I still couldn't tie my shoes or ride a bike until 8 or 9 (I probably still wouldn't know if I hadn't reverse engineered the process from closely inspecting a tied shoe and a bicycle) even with people repeatedly trying to teach me it just didn't make sense until I figured it out on my own. I just did trial and error for a few minutes one day and was off like I had been doing it for years.

lands end sells sneakers that look like they have laces, but they're actually slip-ons ... the only other issue i'd really address now would be brushing her own hair. if you're feeling brave, you could have her practice on you. if not, have her practice on a doll or even the dog....the only way she'll get proficient at it is to practice.
BTW, I got my daughter to brush her hair more often by telling her that she could only keep her precious long hair if she agreed to brush her hair twice a day. no brushing=short haircut....it worked for us !

This is not totally related but it is kind of funny.

My son is 12. We have had a heck of a time with the personal hygine and grooming with him. Finally though, we "may" have had a breakthrough with the hair washing!

Typically he used to only wash his hair every 10 days to two weeks. When he was younger we got him to do it everyday, that was the only way we could keep him desensitized, but he went away to his grandmothers for 3 weeks when he was 10, and that was it, it would turn into just about abuse to get him to wash his hair, the irrational fits! So, not having the stomach for it, we eventually settled into 10-14 day hairwashings, although he would shower or bath every other night.

Anyway, with the hot weather hitting in the last few weeks, and his being 12, I decided enough was enough, he was going to have to wash his hair more! I took advantage of the broken arm in that he new he could not fight back! So he screamed, he yelled, he got used to it.

Now he has been talking about his hair non stop, about how "healthy" it is! "Mom, we just gotta keep buying this shampoo, my hair is so nice and healthy! Put your hand on it, it just springs right back up!" I "enlightened" him today that it was not "healthier" it was "cleaner" and if he wants to keep it, he has to keep washing it!

He was amazed and very excited that he finally figured out how to keep such nice springy hair!

Ok, that was totally unrelated, I am overtired, sorry!

That's a good hairwashing story! Since he's 12 and soon approaching teenage years you might want to point out girls don't like greasy haired guys. lol Really I can't understanding him going that long between shampooing. My head gets itchy if it doesn't get shampooed every night.

Have you tried the cherry Suave shampoo and conditioner combo for kids? It smells really good like Kool-aid. I can't imagine a kid objecting to that.

The human body is pretty amazing. If you go a long time between hairwashings, you produce a lot less oil. Generally your hair gets greasy to match your hair washing schedual. If you only wash your hair 12 times a year, you will only be looking Oily a few days a month! (also he keeps it short). If you wash it everyday, you soon can't go a day without it!

My grandfather claims he knew a couple of sisters from Europe, who had the most BEAUTIFUL hair, and the secret was, they only washed it once a month!

He has had a healthy scalp too, that may just be good luck, no dandruff or dry skin, possibly because of the lack of hair washing!

Anyway, with his hitting puberty, I think it a good idea if he starts getting into a better schedual with it. Also with it being summer he will be swimming everyday soon, and his hair will start to turn green if he does not get the chlorine out!

As for girls, he really could care a less! Although some comments from peers about his developing Acne did get him to start washing his face everynight with an astringent! So at least he is not invulnerable to peer pressure!

Loved the hair washing story, Earthcalling, right now Z is going through a "Why do I need to take a shower?" thing. He gets in under protest and then we have to fight him to get out. Go Figure.

regarding tieing shoes, here goes. When z was in pre school, before we knew about Aspergers, one of his teachers main concerns was that he couldn't tie his shoes. Cor was not greatly concerned but asked his Pediatrician when he went in for his yearly physical. The Dr., smiled gently and said, "My husband did not learn to tie his shoes until he was in the third grade. Don't worry about it." We didn't, at the start of fourth grade this year he decided he wanted totie his shoes,so he figured it out. As for the other things, she is only six, they will come as they become necessary for her.

Don't let social pressure dictate to you how to raise your child, do what is best and right for her. You will figure it ou in spite of the handicap of being merely a parent. Most of us have, sort of.

This morning, my son got up, he did not yell or scream or throw things. I was not even sure he was up, until he started complaining about a bug bite on his leg that was itchy. Then I heard a noise... It sounded like, Water, more specifically, a shower! I was not sure, and was about to investigate when not my son, but this strange alien creature who was occupying my sons body called out pleasently with only a hint of panic, "Mom, can you get a towel?"

His hair was wet!

He finished, got out, turned the water off, and went to get dressed, he put on an outfit that was colour coordinated and acceptable for the weather today. He did 20 min of studying, (he has 3 tests today) I had to suggest he could eat because he started to complain about being hungry (we typically do that in this house, eat in the morning...) Then he followed up with another 10 min of studying and helped me pack his binder! He even went to get a styrofoam plane he bought yesterday for recess!

In all, it was a good morning, the first one in 3 months! I told him I really appreciated how nicely he got up and how pleasent he was. Will there be an encore? I won't hold my breath, but 12 1/2 years and he showered on his own!

So, there is always hope! Eventually they can overcome huge obsticals like water in their eyes, and tying shoe laces! It is not a foot race, they have their whole lives to master these skills!

Earthcalling, I loved your story - I hope it happens to us. My son just turned twelve and cannot bear water in his eyes. I still wash his hair for him or it would not get washed. Getting him in the tub is difficult but he likes the soak when he gets in there. He won't even consider a shower.

He doesn't ride a bike, doesn't want to, though the other four of us in the family do.

He doesn't tie shoes, will only wear velcro sneakers, or slip-on boots in the winter, no sandals.

He has shoulder length hair right now because he refuses to cut it, but it is thick and straight and doesn't look bad with the minimal brushing I do. When it gets warmer he usually asks me to cut it.

Truth is, we just don't care if it doesn't affect others and he doesn't want to change. I never stop giving him the opportunity and exposing him to things, sometimes pushing him (gently) a bit if I think he is wanting or ready to do something. We have the luxury of homeschooling, which makes a big difference.

What Ticker said about teaching kids is true for us, too. My other two boys would want to try things on their own at some point but the middle guy rarely does. For years I have been telling him what I am doing while I am doing it, not every time but sometimes, like when washing his hair, and this makes it easier when he or I think he is ready to do something on his own.

I forgot to say, too, that I hate to have anyone touch my head, but also hate to brush it or fix it at all, so I have had very short hair all my adult life. A year ago I shaved it off and have been buzzing it since. So maybe I'm not one to talk about hair

These are all things I had difficulty with, too.

1. Tie her shoes
I hated this. I'd pay attention for about 5 minutes, then as soon as I made a bit of progress the person teaching me pushed more, and I just lost it. It took a while for her to figure out that the only way I'd learn was at a much slower, more relaxed pace. I'd say just introduce it every once in a while, and don't push it, I.e. in one session just teach the first bit or 2, instead of all the movements involved.

2. Ride a bike
I still can't ride a bike. I can do scorpion kicks, wrist locks and all kinds of things requiring balance and coordination, having practiced, but I've never been able to learn this one. There's a really big fear of failure and getting hurt involved that stops me from being able to concentrate.

3. Jump rope
Again, I still can't do this.

4. Swing
This one I think just comes naturally after a while. Probably a balance issue that takes a while to work out.

5. Brush her own hair
Not sure what to say on this one. Brushing hair can just feel constantly wrong, and I'm not aware of any ways around that.

When he turned 12, I never thought that he would at some point this year get into a shower on his own! In fact, I think it was only a few months ago that we got into a few battles of witts that envolved holding him in the shower taking both my husband and I to get him clean! So, there is hope, you may have a showering hairwashing kid any day... or not!

I know my son has warn goggles in the bath / shower before to keep the water out. That worked pretty well. Then he decided they fogged up too much and he could not see, this apparently was a real problem so he stopped wearing them.

Do you think you can get your son to take a shower without washing hair? I agree, if things are not compromising his quality of life though, then there is not much point in fighting over it!

As for the shoes, you can get laces that have elastic in them. So you just tye them up once and thats it, they have enough "give" to be slipped on and off.

My son almost 9, just rode his bike last week down the road. I still am shocked.

He has never road his bike to the circle since it looked scary, a slight hill. So he would only ride his bike down the bottom part of the drive way. Then last year he fell off, got scraped up on one leg and refused to get back on it again. That is until last Thursday. He just decided to try and is enjoying it. I had accepted that he probably would never ride his again, let alone down to the circle. But, he surprised me. My 4 yr old rode her bike with him. But, for him to overcome that I am very proud of him.

We got him to wash his by using a handsoap dispenser filled w/his shampoo. This helps him know how much shampoo to use. He was going through a bottle a week. The showers came only because of the beach house we were at last year that didn't have baths, only showers. So, now he likes showers.

But, just remember even NT kids work at different paces w/learning these tasks. Some learn sooner, others later. So, then AS kids are no different. Just let her work at her pace, keep introducing them one at a time at her pace and no one else's pace. But, every amazing step deserves proud praise.

my 6 year old can do NONE of those things, he won't even SIT on a bike, not even my exercise bike that I SWEAR to him will not go anywhere. We have this book (red lace yellow lace) and it is helpful, although we are no where close to being able to tie shoes, he cannot pull up a zipper on his pants, button, snap etc. It has taken 2 years but we have FINALLY taught him to open the back screen door (push the button in and HOLD it while you pull). I have to bathe him as he will make only very pitiful attempts to wash himself and refuses to put actual soap on a cloth (don't even think about a puffy thing). I promise you that you and your daughter are not alone!

My 5 year old can't pedal a bike well at all...he may go a few inches and then gets scared and stops. He is nowhere near tying shoes, and can only push a button through a larger sized hole. He can pull up a zipper on a jacket if I start it for him. He will wash himself in the tub but I have to wash his hair in the sink--he refuses to get it wet in the bath.