He's gone-

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Lots of good ideas in this thread. The first thing that comes to my mind is depression over the mistreatment by a bad teacher, probable bullying as well, and low self-esteem which can happen during adolescence, if one fails to "fit in" with the other kids.

But this is not either/or. Autism FREQUENTLY has depression and anxiety as co-morbid conditions.

It is worth mentioning that schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are two adult mental illnesses that normally present for the first time in either adolescence or early adulthood. Those need to be assessed as well.

In addition, at the onset of sexual feelings and thoughts for the first time, there may be gender dysphoria or awareness of being gay, which can cause disorganization of the sense of self.

All of the above situations are treatable, but all differently. You need the very best diagnosis you can possibly get from a child and adolescent psychiatrist or psychologist. Not a lower-level mental health person at a regional center. (unsure who did the original diagnosis)

A concerned parent should familiarize herself/himself with diagnostic criteria and keep an open mind as to observations that don't match the diagnosis. There is no other way to ask intelligent questions when you meet with the psychiatrist. Also be aware that diagnoses may change over time as new information becomes available, and that does not necessarily mean the earlier diagnosis was sloppy. Try to develop a collaborative relationship with your mental health providers, rather than an adversarial one.

For handling the autism part, if that's what it is, you need to see if certain sensory stimuli upset your son, give him lots of opportunities to do things he likes, and let him know he is loved and wanted. Family activities may be more stressful to him than before, so I would try to occasionally get some one-on-one recreational time with him.

I know you are feeling a sense of grief and loss. I don't want to be unsupportive of those feelings, but get over them and become a strong advocate for your child who still needs you very much.

Are there moments when he doesn't act the way you've described.

Are there moments when he hugs you, for example?

I had a mental breakdown when I was 13. Became someone else. Was even a stranger to myself. But I recovered in time.

For most boys, they experience bullying and teasing at school around the age of your son. Those with Asperger's Syndrome bear most of the brunt of this. Many times they will find it extremely difficult to deal with and may not tell their parents. So have a frank talk with him on this subject and if this is the problem, try and help him through it. It is not a simple problem.

This sounds more like Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, or something along those lines than Autism. Autism is a lifelong condition, you can't develop it at age 13.

No, you can't, but it's not uncommon for it to first come to the attention of parents and caregivers in the greater stress of middle and high school.

The same is happening to my daughter who just got diagnosed as well. She’s 5 years and has been having a lot of issues offlate. I have been reading that at times it can seem to get worse - mental capability before it gets better.

Or there is something else goin on.

I will throw in that we think my daughter is on the spectrum, and we are moving forward with a formal diagnosis. I also think she went through what is called a "diathesis-stress" event, where something very stressful combines with a vulnerability, to cause a change in behavior. In my daughter's case, in the face of unusually high anxiety and stress she becomes catatonic, or frozen for periods of time until she can calm down from what are clearly feelings of overwhelm. I feel bad because at first I thought she was joking or fibbing, but we have realized this is a real issue, and actually happens with people on the spectrum.

The original event was a fracturing of a close friendship because my daughter is "quirky." People in her school then decided she was odd, and they marginalized her and her friends started ignoring her. She went from being a part of the main group - very happy, bright eyed and engaged, to having one or two close friends, struggling in school and with episodes. She is predisposed to anxiety, and the combination of the experience plus some core social anxiety has really had a negative impact in terms of increased anxiety, which is becoming more pronounced as she is about to move from elementary school to middle school. It is a very stressful time, and I very much understand the worry of the O.P.

I am so sorry to read everything that has been going on, and am glad I read the full thread before responding. It changes my answer.

It is possible that your son is both on the spectrum and suffering from some form of mental illness ... or just an extreme form of adolescence. Having one ASD child and one who has severe issues with depression and anxiety, I see pieces of both in your writing, although of course my instincts from reading on a forum are not a professional opinion.

My son, my ASD child, did visibly change during adolescence, but it wasn’t over night. He was bright eyed and social as a child, albeit not always with success, but he drew in a lot more starting in middle school. We probably would not have had a diagnosis at all if it weren’t for his disgraphia. But back to middle school. First, hormones. Second, it is an age where boys stop having natural shared shared childhood interests like Legos, and diverging more to unique interests like game design v. Sports. My son’s friends from childhood didn’t seem to abandon him as much as he seemed to abandon them. He wasn’t interested in what they were anymore. He thought they had all lost their minds, actually. And, well, it also IS the age boys scramble socially and are quite capable of hurting each other a lot. There were a lot of moving parts, and it was really rough for a while. And that was without the trauma your son was experiencing. Piling on the trauma, I don’t find it difficult to see why your son would be so different now.

My son, now excelling in college, did eventually find his new crew, it was just very small. He is completely happy with that. He is really happy with his life and moving forward in ways that spell success under most measures of society.

My daughter succomed to stress, anxiety and depression over a year ago. It turns out she had been doing a lot of acting when showing her enthusiasm for things going on in her life. She thought she needed to be perfect, and she wore it like a cloak, right down to declaring her enthusiasm for ever increasing obligations and expectations. Eventually her body rebelled, and she got very sick. This was the period during which i would literally say, “I want my daughter back.” I couldn’t find any of the daughter I thought I knew.

I do have her back, but I also had to adjust my vision of her. I don’t WANT her jumping in 200% because I now know that isn’t healthy for her. That person I used to see was only 50% the real her, and 50% her projecting what she thought she was supposed to. This has been a very tough few years.

Getting through both these transitions had one thing in common: trusting my child and giving them what they needed, even when every fiber of my being wanted to shake them awake, or wondered if stricter parenting was called for. It took a lot of patience. A lot of purposefully jumping off the merry-go-round and ignoring the timing progression of expectations that is pushed so much in our society. Remembering that my kids need to do things in their own time. Loving them unconditionally and without expectations. Help from professionals as appropriate.

I wish you luck. I hope the journey to the other side isn’t too rough, but I do know it will be a lot of head down, work hard, get to the other side. I wish I could save you from that but I can’t. Just ... believe there will be a future you will be happy with.