All the money I spent on Autism therapy a waste
My daughter was following a mainstream school curriculum till she reached 12 and now she follows a ILP and has her own personal goals.
The highschool we moved to her is government and caters to children of mixed ability who are aiming for trades/tech/work rather than tertiary studies. Most of the kids are normal but not planning to do higher studies (although I have met parents who want their kids to transfer as they are doing well). There's a significant proportion of kids who are ID and on the spectrum. Ironically she has had some problems with some boys who are Aspies and I have had to intervene to ensure her movements between classrooms don't coincide with meeting these kids.
She has friends in her class but apart from birthdays she doesn't got invited to any playdates unless we engineer these.
What sorts of problems did she have with boys?
My diagnosis was age 21
Regional center only provides services to clients diagnosed under 18
Applied behavior analysis
Speech therapy
Occupational therapy
$$$$$
Psychotherapy
No $$$ to pay out of pocket
Maybe if I had some professional services, I would be more global area functioning and survival of the fittest
My daughter used to have epic meltdowns at primary school. One occasion throwing chairs and tables in school assembly. You can imagine how the NT parents who were attending must have reacted...
Is he on mood stabilising medication?
Ok so my daughter just turned 14 and she seeks out friends but has a compulsive streak to annoy certain kids who are sensitive to her laughing at them (she doesn't mean to it's just her reaction) so so far she managed to piss off three Aspie boys who have reacted by having aggressive meltdowns when she comes by. She is aware that's not the right thing to do now and keeps her distance.
At school camp one of the boys became her friend again so at this age maybe its all a fluid thing.
My Mom absolutely allowed me to be myself literally from the very first day of preschool when after she came to pick me up and the teacher told my Mom she was concerned because I refused to play with the other kids in group play and instead wanted to play by myself with toys the entire time, my Mom told the teacher she wanted me to be able to play by myself if that's what I wanted to do.
My Mom made our home, my world and my environment to be a safe space, a place for me to be me; my world, my yard, our woods were places for me to explore and be happy in. It was a safe and accepting environment where I felt completely at ease. That worked so well when I started school because that world and the other kids was such a challenge for me. The academics were easy. It was the structure, the distraction, the social interaction, the bullying (not all the time) that were hard. Even so, I knew that as soon as I got home, I was free..
The idea of growing up as I did but coming home and having my parents "work with me" on how I should be and having my parents play an active part in trying to change me. That would have horrible. That would have been sad. That would not have helped me.
I'm so thankful I was able to be myself and learn on my own (for the most part) how to navigate life. Was it downright brutal at times? Oh my gosh, yes. But I learned.
My Mom's extent of teaching me was based around teaching me basic manners and her mantra: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." That became my pre-filter. Yes, it resulted in me keeping my mouth shut most of the time and stopping myself before I would actually say the awkward or inappropriate things I was thinking, but it worked.
Thanks for sharing.
I hope my daughter learns to refuse more politely and I don't know how to achieve it... but otherwise, my intuition is similar to your mother's, school is a place where she needs to survive, home should be a place where she feels safe.
I didn't feel safe at home and I'm not really good at manners so it's a bit hard for me.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
My son never did any ASD specific therapy, or anything through the medical community. He did get some services through the school, however.
My son loved speech therapy, which included "lunch bunch," and felt that time in elementary school was really valuable. Speech therapy in high school was not something he cared for, however, and he did convince the school to drop him from it.
My son felt occupational therapy was helpful, in particular when the focus turned to keyboarding so he would not need a scribe or other assistance for his writing. He was typing fluently by the end of 6th grade, and that was a life saver for him. In general schools won't teach proper typing at that age. My son learned proper typing and is glad for it.
He also had an anger management group with boys his age for half a year that he liked. The description never sounded that well suited to his issues to me, but somehow he took away a lot from it and cites it as something important he did.
My son was never shy about telling us what was wasting his time and what wasn't
My son will also tell you that the right teachers made a big difference. And us, of course. He says he has been grateful to have the patient and understanding parents he had.
I think therapists spending time working on eye contact are wasting everyone's time. That is so silly.
I do agree with home being the safe place, allowing your child to be as quirky as they want to be in order to release stress, as long as it can be done safely. It is hard enough generally having to conform when outside in the world.
Every individual is different, and what helps or does not is going to depend on the person ... and the therapist.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
My daughter used to have epic meltdowns at primary school. One occasion throwing chairs and tables in school assembly. You can imagine how the NT parents who were attending must have reacted...
Is he on mood stabilising medication?
He is but I haven’t seen much of a difference.
We often assume that some parents are lucky, and some are not. That some children exhibit more severe meltdowns, and some don't exhibit as severe meltdowns. We take it for granted that autism is a spectrum, so, for those families that do well, well ... it's simply because they are luckier and have milder children. All that may seem true to certain extent. But, what if it is not really true?
I mean, you add two positive numbers, and the result is always a positive number, right? You add two integers, and the result is always an integer, right? But then how do you explain: 1+2+3+4+... = -1/12? That is, the sum of all the natural numbers is actually negative one twelfth?
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When children have meltdowns, like in the cases of you two: Twilightprincess and cyberdad, what do you guys do, or what do the school teachers do?
Let's compare notes.
There’s not much for me to do except ride it out and make sure nothing gets destroyed and he doesn’t hurt himself or others. I’ve received more than my fair share of bruises.
I try hard not to let it get to that point by adjusting my expectations for the day if he’s struggling but that’s not always possible.
I need to push him to eat because being hungry is a trigger. I have a sensory bin that is very calming. Before things get out of hand, I try to remove him from the situation, but once he’s in full meltdown mode, not much helps.
What works for one kid doesn’t always work for another, too.
My daughter was able to be reasoned with by aged 10 and so show now knows she needs to calm down away from the source of the trigger (basically go to a chill-out room).
You hit one good point: deep reasoning skills. Deep reasoning skills trump everything else. It's impossible for a person that can reason well to have meltdowns that affect their school or job. So, brain development is actually more important than anything else.
You know what? I have scolded at teachers in school and called for an special IEP meeting when they tried to tell my children to calm down away and go to a chill-out room. Why? Because it doesn't work. That approach reflects a total lack of understanding of autism. It would exacerbate the problem and invariably the meltdowns would re-occur. I had to lecture the teachers/principal/psychologist on the correct approach. Teachers never sent my children to chill-out room ever again.
I have never failed once to remove tantrums related to each specific issue, permanently, from my children. We are not talking about teaching children coping techniques, calming down, or behavior replacement. Nope. I am talking about removing each type of tantrum, PERMANENTLY. There is a reason why my children are always happy and smiling.
You know what else schools do? Why a child is violent, they pull the child out of mainstream class, and then send them to special-needs class. The more violent a child is, the fewer hours the child is allowed in the mainstream classroom. Guess what? Then the child has now even less chance of developing their brain, and is effectively deprived of the most important tool: establishing connections inside their brain. So, the problem does not get better, and the child suffers permanent underdevelopment. That is one way how we make low functioning children in our society.
Now take a look at this picture again, and tell me what's wrong with the mother of the boy.
The caption says: 'He still plays with sand for hours at a time.' (Supplied)
That, again, reflects a total lack of understanding about autism. Autism is a renormalization process inside human brain. https://www.quora.com/Can-you-explain-renormalization-in-physics-in-simple-words/answer/Jason-Lu-179. If you understand renormalization, you will understand that there will be universality. All the autistic problems are one and one single issue, solvable by using one and one single tool: modulation. Tell me what is wrong with the above picture.
^^
All children ARE different whether they have autism or not, just like adults on here struggle with different things and have different coping skills to help them overcome these challenges.
Some people are sensory seeking. Others are sensory avoidant. Many are both and it’s dependent on the specific sense we’re talking about.
It’s not possible for a child to spend his or her entire day in the sand.
I understand that a child exposed to mainstream curriculum is more likely to benefit educationally compared to special needs or ILP. However, even NT children struggle with mainstream curriculum in school but learn at their own pace at home or in alternative environments.
For children on the spectrum it's not the end of the world if they are unable to attend mainstream curriculum but I agree that allowing a child to spend hours doing something sensory like playing in the sand is not recommended for their development. When I was talking about "fun therapy" it could include 30 min in the sandpit but there should be a rotation of activities to keep the child's brain stimulated.
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