bullying and ASD

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That’s the premise behind “play therapy.”

Getting children to learn about themselves and how to relate to people through play.

I also think that the discrepancy between how you are handling it and the teachers / day care people are handling it is telling. You are probably very tuned in to what is happening and pay a huge amount of attention to the actions whereas for them they appear quite normal. Many boys throw things or injure others at that age. Even now, my youngest daughter is 5 and she tells constant stories of how the boys are always getting in trouble. It is always the boys missing out on 'golden time' and being told off.

The other side of this is to query whether our current early educational institutions really cater well for boys and give them a good outlet and help them channel extra energy in productive ways. What kind of toys are there for him to play with? How much outdoor time does he have?

Also, he might be the one who needs the few extra hugs and reassurance. Perhaps him acting up when people are looking at him etc is a defence mechanism. I think the play therapy you have started sounds brilliant. That has often worked for me.

my nephew was similar at that age, he's four now in reception (pre-school) and behaving well.

I've been constantly bullied by a younger sibling until I stood up for myself. No parent stepped in and either yelled at me for sounding the alarm or saying it is a usual kid thing. Literally I was smacked around as a kid like a piñata, forced to skip meals and I have PTSD nightmares every night. I'm currently staying in a hotel since it is the only option to be honest.

OP- your little one is at the age of learning self control, all have given excellent suggestions, and you are doing a great job following up and being consistent. I wanted to add one more ingredient and that is “follow through”. If you have said that hitting is not allowed and if he continues or doesn’t listen then he will have to leave daycare then be very sure to follow through. Take him away no matter the reaction or promises of behaving. It might initially be for five minute outside or in the car or wherever he is totally removed. For continuing hitting maybe ten minutes etc. it’s critical to establish reasonable and consistent consequences. If he loves daycare he will soon respect that rule. Empty threats or his attempts to get around the rule will teach him that he can get his way by manipulation. It didn’t take long for my kids to change their behavior. It’s also important to not be upset but just calmly doing what you said you would.

My nephews were pushing, grabbing toys and even biting other kids when they were 3. They've both stopped and learnt to behave much better over the last couple of years.