Son Asking for Social Security Number

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I've looked up what he would need.

If he really wants the SS# bad he would have to have other documents and if he doesn't have them he would be s**t out of luck on the legal and ethical way of doing it.

If he really wants it bad and doesn't have other documents he would need to get it he would have to use less then clandestine means to get it. In other words, I'm sure his parents have his documents including medical documents floating about somewhere. If he were to search through his parent's documents while they were gone and he was gone he would more then likely find it.

Would I recommend he do that? Is it a good idea? I would say no and that it will bite him in the ass later on.

Instead, I would go with this. I would say to my parents "you're right about the social security number. I am to immature but I do have some questions for you. Since, I am immature to know my own social security number then how am I mature enough to go to college and hold down a job which both require a certain amount of maturity as well? If I'm immature in one area then won't I be immature in other things as well? You believe me to be mature enough to go to college and hold down a job yet you don't believe I'm mature enough to know my own SS#. How does this make sense to you?"

In fact, I would do this. In the future when they ask me to do chores. I would say "I still agree I'm immature to know my own SS#. If that is the case then how am I mature and competent enough to do these chores? How do you know I won't goof off instead? How do you know that I won't just half-ass it?"

If they ask me to go to their bedroom to get something or get the mail I would say "How do you know I wouldn't look through things that is not my business. Remember, I'm to immature to have my SS#. So, what makes you think that I would have the maturity to respect your privacy? Are you sure you want me to get this stuff for you?

Go OP--

Can everyone realize that the kid is probably being preyed upon on the internet? That's a 21st-century "love" story for you.

Your advice is well-intentioned, but it leaves out something important. Negotiating with power-loving parents is nothing like a real back-and-forth discussion. It's more like negotiating in a hostage situation: it requires social skills that are beyond most aspies' abilities. I'd hate to put the OP in that line of fire with misguided advice.

Instead, what I'd recommend is fighting dirty by leveraging the legal system. He just needs to wait until he turns 18; before then, he's a little more than an object. Then, call the Social Security office at 800-772-1213, and explain to the caseworker that his parents are withholding his Social Security number and/or card from him. Most likely, he's need to report his SS card stolen, tell the police that his parents have it but won't release it to him, and have the officer come to his house to retrieve it. Then finally, once the SS card is in his hand, move away across the country, and cut off all contact, never to be heard from again. That's the only way to deal with power-loving people. They don't understand anything else.

I would never would've thought of this or even consider that one could use the legal system this way.

Aspie1 I do have question for you and I think you would understand. My wife and I will have children one day and we're thinking of doing a business. She's NT and I'm aspie. And, we're both sick of employers and having to meet their standards. I can't anyway and I can't pretend to be something I'm not. She's had her own issues with them.

We want our children to be able to be free of them and to eventually work for us and with us especially if they have aspergers.

But, I'm concerned though. We both believe we will know what is good for them over the years. But do we really? In our haste to protect them from the world and free them from the employer's standards who will protect them from us if we believe we're doing things "for their own good?"

This is something I need to discuss with my wife but I don't know how to broach the subject. We need safeguards not only against employers and others but us as well. They need to have the ability to say no to us on things especially when they're adults and our emotions cloud our reason. They need to be able to set boundaries not just with others but with us as well without fear of reprisal from us.

What are the checks and balances for ourselves?

Do you get where I am coming from?

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/power ... absolutely

From what I have read you come off as far, far, too controlling

I'm not sure what exactly you mean, but there's no getting around asking for employees' Social Security numbers. It's part of I-9 requirements. You need to make sure you're hiring a citizen or a permanent resident. For that you need either: (A) a driver license and a Social Security card, or (B) a passport. The OP's son's best bet is to wait until he turns 18, then have the police get his SS card from his parents.

I agree. The OP sounds like a rotten human being and a horrible parent. I hope their son moves away and cuts off contact. In fact, in another thread, I talked about how conventional families, with parents and children living in one house, is like a prison, and does more harm than good for an aspie child. I also talked about how conventional families should be abolished, and replaced with multiple sets of parent raising their all their children tribal-style. But I'd rather not get into detail, lest I derail this thread.

Sorry, it's off topic. I mean how do we make sure we don't let power get to our heads when we're parents.

I never knew you were married, Cube Demon. Congrats!

Anyone who thinks it's ok to share their social security number with close friends is not ready to know that information (even if those friends have good intentions). It's easy to obtain that information when you turn 18 without the need for police intervention. If you can't figure that out, you aren't ready for it.

No matter how controlling or misguided you think this child's parents may be, they are not the ones grooming him for sex nor trying to take advantage of him.

It's is definitely possible to have a job or attend college classes without also being ready to posses and control sensitive information.
Many intellectually challenged people or minors have jobs or attend college. Child actors. Adults with very low intellect.

This 17 year should be enlightened to all the freedoms of college and the responsibility of independent life. He can enjoy college without having to pay life's expenses.
It is not unreasonable to continue to protect him when he exhibits total trust in a completely unidentified internet friend. Why would this supposed friend not show himself in real life? Why be an online secret? Why doesn't the online friend say here I am - this is my picture, this is my identity, how about I meet your family and become a friend in a safe way?

Married for a while.

But, I've been paying attention to some of what LoveNotHate has said. Let's just say that we're doing our own business and I'm getting out of IT completely.

Let's also just say I've been doing some thinking and it made me conclude with my SO's experiences with employers that we don't want them controlling our livelyhoods. And, we don't want them controlling our future children's either.

And, I've gotten the ball rolling on some things already.

I want our children to be able to be true to who they are and if they have to fake and pretend to simply have a livelyhood I don't want that for them.

Beady

If this 17 year old is to naive, immature, disabled or whatnot to know his own SS# don't you think people will try to take advantage of him while he is on the job or at college because of that same immaturity, naivety, and disability?

And, when he is filling out a job and college application he is going to need his SS# and they're going to need some form of proof of ID. Does he have those? If he doesn't he will need to have his SS# to get those.

This is a no win situation and a disaster waiting to happen.

Of course, some people try to take advantage of anyone they can in any situation.

This young man shows by his actions and words that he would benefit from some added protection. This exists. The type of job he gets or the types of classes he attends would be the type that at risk individuals attend. His parents can help with job applications and the job would be one that took this into account. His employer would be well aware. Does this limit his possibilities? Absolutely. But, hopefully, he will reach a point where he understands and can take better care of himself. The options should expand as his abilities do.

I don't see that scenario as no win, it must be pretty common p!ace for individuals that need extra time or protection to reach independence to have some assistance. This is a benefit, not a prison sentence.
Disaster is not inevitable. It's ok to take some extra time to learn how to handle life as long as the protecting adults understand that independence is the goal. Why is this situation evoking such a backlash? The parents definitely need to develop a nonadversarial relationship but releasing a young person into the world with a history of clouded judgement is not the best solution.

His parents can apply for jobs for him, and enroll him in college using his SS#.

He cannot enroll himself in college, or seek a job on his own, without an SS#.

Colleges require either an SS# or some sort of number given to him through, perhaps, his US Visa.

I don't know. I made up my mind to never have kids. But one thing for sure: unchecked power over another person can be very disastrous, especially when it's authorized from above. The "above" can be anything: the legal system, one's own conscience, god, anything. Consider these the Stanford Prison Experiment, which is what most conventional families boil down to. It was set up by social scientists (the "authorized" part), and the prison guards could do anything they needed (the "unchecked power" part) to keep order. In just a matter of days, the guards were treating the prisoners horribly for no good reason.

You're treading into dangerous territory here. What you're describing is basically tyranny for the good of the subject. And that's the WORST kind of tyranny. It's the reason America turned into a police state over the last 50 years. The OP needs to realize that their and their spouse's power trip is nearing the finish line: their kid is less than a year away from being an adult. If they keep treating him like a two-legged pet, it's only a matter of time until consequences get dangerous. For them and for him. Face the music, OP: you're about to lose power over your kid, and you don't like it. So you're using whatever tactics you can think of to keep your power longer.

Beady gives excellent and well thought-out advice.

The kid could get into big trouble via his naïveté. There’s lots of creepy predators out there.

He can also get his parents into trouble if he gives some hoodlum his address.