One Approach to School Bullying.

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I don't know why I have to repeat what I say, again and again.

Underdevelopment is the main issue. Not bullying.

That might be the problem: I see things that other people don't see. So they don't know what I am talking about.

Bullying is very much the issue if you're the one being bullied.

You never answered my question. If you were assaulted on a deserted street at night, would you passively let your attacker pummel you into unconsciousness or worse?

Bullying is not an autism issue. It's a general issue but autistic people, being outliers, are statistically more vulnerable.

I need to read through this thread closely when I get a chance later today.

I think bullying behavior needs to be nipped in the bud when it starts cropping up in elementary school. When it’s not dealt with, the bully’s behavior gets worse and worse, and it’s often encouraged by peers who think it’s funny and join in.

I was subbing in an autism support class yesterday. On my downtime, I observed students picking on one of the students in my class during recess. I stopped the bully and then talked to teachers who properly addressed the situation. It wasn’t a “serious” incident of bullying. My student didn’t even know that he was being picked on. He seemed to think that they were playing with him.

The school district takes bullying seriously. The student who was doing the bullying is typically a good student and hadn’t considered that his behavior could even be viewed as bullying.

Hopefully, this awareness will keep worse behaviors from cropping up down the road.

Teachers are going to at least be more watchful when it comes to how our more at risk students are being treated at recess. Aides will be outside during recess keeping an eye on this issue alone. Teachers are usually just standing in a group talking to each other.

Replace "bullying" with "underdevelopment" in your sentence, and it goes through as well.

Autism is not a problem. It has never been. So I don't know why people want to "treat" it.

Underdevelopment (lack of connections/correlations inside the brain), on the other hand, is the root cause of all the problems. Yet, we don't address this problem.

You didn't convince me.
Underdevelopment as a root problem for school bullying? Underdevelopment of whose brains? The bullied ones or the bullies? Or the teachers who do nothing about it?

And you didn't answer Benjamin's question.

This is a topic I have covered a few dozen times. Since people don't read my words, perhaps someone else's words might do:

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=162776&start=4
...So what if they talk down to you? In the end you cant change them but you can just let it wash over you. Dont let what they think get to you.
One of my favourite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Its so true. Dont let any of these people have the power over you. Take the power back.
If you cant tell them thats how you feel then just stop letting them have the power over you. Its such a fantastic feeling suddenly taking control of your own life and speaking up for yourself and if you plan how you go about it, there is no need for confrontation or arguments.

Remember the videos I have repeatedly posted about Feynman, Susskind and Gell-Mann? It's a choice. If someone chooses to follow Gell-Mann, that's not my problem.

Let me humor you. Exactly how does this solve the problem? So, the bully and/or the victim has a underdeveloped brain. Probably true. What does that change for how to deal with the behavior and the need to protect the victims? There is a whole lot more to being victimized than allowing someone to make you feel inferior. A LOT. We aren't talking about feelings of inferiority in most bullying situations. We're talking about SAFETY.

I realize you see connections other people don't, and sometimes that is insightful. But sometimes that means what you see is either wrong or irrelevant. We all post the things we see, and our thoughts are often unique to us, but it is up to the person seeking advice to decide whose vision matches their unique situation best, not you.

If you expect people to search for your posts from 5 years ago, then... lol.

The advice you post may be working for very self-confident adults. Expecting children to be like that is unrealistic.

I was exposed to three years of extreme bullying in Junior High School. I simply morphed into a punching bag and let others attack me at will and did not raise a finger to defend myself. Yes it did make me stronger. But it was extremely difficult. This was not the approach that I wanted for my children. My first born daughter was a sweet girl and very obedient and shy and would someday become a perfect target for bullying. So before she stepped into a classroom for the first time I gave her permission to defend herself. And she obeyed me. And she still remains a sweet girl and now has a family of her own.

Benjamin is 56 years old.

And I grew into a strong and mostly sane adult by defending myself when bullied, both as a child and as an adult.

Again: If you were assaulted on a deserted street at night, would you passively let your attacker pummel you into unconsciousness or worse?

Why won't you answer that question? It's a simple "yes" or "no" answer.

-Potential triggers. I'm going to discuss rather intense physical attacks, self-hatred, emotional manipulation, homophobia, etc. so if you don't want to read about those this post isn't for you.-

This approach can work, but it depends on the situation and context. Before physically fighting back, you have to consider the potential risks. Ideally, it should be a last resort as it has the potential to make things worse if the bully is likely to retaliate.

Anecdotally, physically fighting back has only helped me on a few occasions.

There were also times where I could have physically fought back, but did not do so as it would have reflected poorly on me. For instance, a kid who was much younger than me attacked me. He kept punching me in the stomach, but it didn't hurt much. The punches were too weak to do any damage. He was a rather weedy kid. Rather short also. The top of his head was just about level with my stomach. He had to stand on his tip-toes a little to get a couple of punches in.

I think he was holding back a little since there is a social stigma surrounding boys hitting girls. Now, if this was the case then he was holding back way too much. His punches had little effect on me. So I simply side-stepped and pushed him away gently. Then I laughed and continued walking. I didn't bruise him physically, but his ego took damage that day. A part of me wonders if the other boys egged him on to attack me as a way of humbling him perhaps. He didn't bother me after that. Probably embarrassed. Usually if there was a big age gap between my attacker and I (if they were much younger and/or weaker) then I would try to avoid hurting them. I was surprised that boy didn't try to trip me first. Or the other two boys who accompanied him. Usually that was the first move people took when attacking me.

Here's another example. A bully nearly blinded my best friend at the time. I heard them bragging about it to someone. Whilst I could have marched over there, shouted "How dare you?!" and punched them in the face, it would have been unwise of me to do so. He would've had the upper hand in that situation. You have to pick your battles carefully.

Generally, I was more successful fighting back when it came to verbal insults. I had previously gone through a period of rather intense self-loathing, and there wasn't much anyone else could say to me that I hadn't already said to myself at some point. I learnt how to come to terms with and not take myself so seriously. Of course, I still have vulnerable points. Accepting the insults point blank was surprisingly effective. "You're so stupid", "That I am", "...Excuse me?", "I'm agreeing with you, I'm a moron", " What?"

Or questioning such taunts. "You're such a waste of space", "Then why bother talking to me? What's the point?" However, I only ever did so if I thought that they were only all talk. If they were the type to get physically aggressive, I didn't push my luck.

Now, I went through a period of being blackmailed and otherwise manipulated once by a kid. Physically hurting them would've had especially negative consequences.

I've also experienced a homophobic attack. Unfortunately, I was unable to physically defend myself or yell for help. Whilst I've been through a lot of bullying, this was by far one of the worst scenarios that I've been in. The feeling of utter helplessness was horrible. I couldn't respond with a witty insult or get someone to help me. Nor could I move my body to fight back. I couldn't move at all, they approached me too fast and held me down against my will. They gagged me with a hand. I wanted to scream. People stood on my fingers with their heavy trainers whilst the others hit and kicked me. The pain was horrendous.

Even to this day it is a traumatic memory that holds me back, and I hate that it does. I sometimes go mute when someone asks me about something as trivial as my relationship status, or if I've ever dated someone. Whilst I don't mean to, it is an instinctual reaction/unintentional learned behaviour. My mouth goes dry, my shoulders tense, I zone out and it becomes increasingly difficult to form words. It's almost as if I partly shut down for a moment...I guess in some ways I do. This doesn't happen every single time I'm in a situation like this. Flashbacks can happen also. It's happening less these days, and I hope that it will stop for good eventually. The main guy's words crop up a lot. "You shouldn't get the right to vote or have a say in things. Not people like you". It happened when I was almost fourteen. People tell me to just move on, and I am slowly healing but it's not something I can move away from easily. I think that in that case, it went way beyond bullying.

Here's another example where I couldn't fight back. Squashed between two power assisted doors by two groups of teenagers I didn't know. Completely unprovoked, surprise attack. I was too shocked to remember any of their faces. Didn't know their names either.

Bullying can cause many hidden scars deep within Aspies. These scars do not go away. The shadow of these scars remain forever. Not all Aspies are bullied but many are. They are designed to crush your self esteem. They are equivalent of pounding a nail into your forehead and hanging a sign that reads "You are worthless".

Many times authority disappears when bullying occurs. If the authorities at school get involved. many times they punish the victim and not the bully. It is "the word of the many" against "the word of the one". You are left completely alone to deal with it.

Exactly.

And I know that my AS son is a very peaceful, gentle kid who usually ignores or laughs off provocations. (Or isn't even aware of them.) So... if he's physically attacked has to resort to force (which he knows how to do, despite appearances), he has my full support.

My brother is not an Aspie and he got deeply scarred by being bullied.
My husband is likely BAP, he was capable of defending himself from physical attacks in school, but he still feels uneasy in presence of adolescents (no one ever attacked him after changing school in 9th grade).
Girl style of bullying is more subtle and psychological, all about malicious gossip and exclusion, so my scars are not as simple as that. I survived on a belief that they were the stupid ones, not me - but it scarred me, too.