Depression in Mothers of AS kids.

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I have a lot of AS traits too, and I think that I would have a hard time parenting an NT child, especially one who would want to attend social gatherings all the time. I feel that my son and I do share a special bond because we are so similar.

I'm an aspie myself, and just found out, so I don't know...I think my daughter has an advantage because no one can understand this as much as someone who actually has it. My own mother, however, struggled for as long as I can remember with depression, and still does - if not as bad.

Yes but not because of kids.

Sheila took Zoloft, I took Jack Daniels. But after a while I decided Jack Daniels was not the best option, so then I switched to Wild Turkey (but now I am more likely to have a light beer).

Sheila says zoloft was not good for her and would rather not have had it, but everyone is different.

I am Aspie, as is my son. Before figuring out my own neurological status, I had at 2 or 3 bouts of (what I would consider now to be) clinical depression. Prozac was my first option, which was started more so as a PPD/my kid was just dx'd safeguard. Our daughter was born while he was being evaluated for autism.

Popping a pill seems to be the best option for me as I am too busy to talk to someone who doesn't "get it" in terms of an AS adult who has learned to assimilate into society. (I tried that once already.) The meds take the edge off the daily stressors and eventual doom-and-gloom.

Kilroy, anger is a manifestation of my depression and frustrations. I do my best to apologize to my kids if I go over the edge. Sure, I'm not wanting to be a Stepford Wife, but it would be nice to be able to take whatever comes my way with the frame of mind that "this too shall pass". If I'm lucky, we could look back on whatever it was and laugh our butts off.

To me, that's what counts.

My son J is my second child ( i have 3) and is my only aspie.
Please don't hate me 4 saying this but at 6 months pregnant i wanted 2 adopt J (glad i did'nt), he was my worst pregnancy and i never really bonded with him till i found this forum (12 month's plus ago)( i finally began 2 understand J).I thought i cracked it, till now ,i think J has started puberty 11yrs? and is driving me nut's.

Glad i'm not the only one

Oh, paxil is my friend! I really agree with a lot of the moms that depression is common in moms of aspies. I feel responsible a lot of the time for the way things are (isn't that ridiculous?). I also tend to yell a lot (working on that too, since it has no effect but to make me more frustrated). It helps to have a solid support network, but husband and I aren't on same page as far as our son goes so that is hard.

I am very depressed tonight. We had our son's IEP meeting today and suddenly his going to kindergarten (special ed class) seems so scary...they say that they're equipped to handle meltdowns but I'm having such a difficult time with worrying about school. I've been crying all evening and now I'm just tired.

Here's a big hug ......... *hug*

I've had 2 sessions with the psychologist now and it's really helped. My energy levels have picked up already.

Also, the boys have had weeks and weeks of sessions with the psychologist. At the beginning and end of each session I spend 10 minutes alone with the psychologist, discussing issues and how to deal with them.

I now feel confident in preventing /handling the boys' meltdowns etc. Being confident in knowing what to do is extremely helpful. Some days are really hard, but at least I know how to deal with the boys.

Helen

Hang in there! The first IEPs can seem scary, and anything we are experiencing for the first time can be stressful and overwhelming. Just do your research, talk with your son's psychologist about what services your son will need for school and then make sure the school implements them. Sometimes there will be a fight, sometimes there will not, but knowledge is power. Use it to do what is best for your son. If you expect the best, show respect and are reasonable, I believe the odds are in your favor of getting what you want if you are in a halfway decent school district.

Your son will be alright, and he will learn how to control his tantrums...probably better at school than at home. When he was younger, my 11 y/o son ironically never had tantrums at school, but boy when he got home, he would let it all out!! ! Home is his safe place. Now at 11 he hardly ever has a tantrum, and he usually only has them if he is under extreme pressure. It will get better...I promise.

Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it!

The school is being very accomodating; it just made me sad that no one at the meeting took my worries seriously. Preschool was awful and it's hard for me to trust anyone to look after my child. I kept hearing, "block preschool out of your mind" and at times, the special ed coordinator was a bit condescending. My son is going to a school in another district, and at one point, the coordinator said to me, "I will NOT take him unless your district provides a trained aide." He's already going into a 2:5 autism support class, and although I appreciate the extra help, it just made me sad that they think he needs his own aide even in such a small class.

The coordinator met my son once over the summer. He did have a meltdown, and it took a little while for the teacher to calm him down. At the meeting, the coordinator said, "WE had him out of that meltdown in under two minutes...." That's not exactly true.

I just don't like how the school is treating me like I know nothing and they know everything.

Be strong AND VOCAL! No one knows your child better than you and you know what's best for him. Don't let them scare you into silence. If you hear things at the meetings that you believe are inaccurate, say something. I was taken aback that my son needed to have one on one attention from a para but now I am so relieved that he has it. It helps him stay on task and he looks forward to school so much now. It took awhile for the school to listen to me about certain things Bobby needs but now things are so much better. Keep strong.

I cry after IEPs! embarrassing enough, I cried DURING my oldest son's IEP (and again after)
at least they are done with for another year. IEPs can be so stressful and you are bombarded with all the things wrong with your child and with all that you and everyone else has to try to do to "fix" it, it is overwhelming.

Yes, that's exactly how I felt. I like the teacher that he'll be with, but I have an uneasy feeling about the special ed coordinator. She has a "my way or no way" air about her.

It's so reassuring to know that other people start sinking into a depression at the thought of a new school year. I thought it was only me. My son has just turned 10 and as well as AS, he has dyslexia etc. IEP meetings are always interesing as the Learning Support teacher has no idea how to set targets and is more of a barrier to children's learning than a help. She was meant to be starting a social skills group at the school - all the parents were up in arms as she has now social skills to pass on!! I once asked what computer programme she was using to teach my son to type and her answer was "what to YOU need to know that for?" - so much for parents being equal partners!

We've started a local branch of the National Autistic Society (I'm in Scotland) and that has been a life saver - we go to eachother's IEP meetings as someone who isn't so emotionally involved can be so valuable.

Wish the depression would go though - just have to keep muddling through.

Am sooooooooooo depressed at the moment, so worried about my son and what the future holds for him. Having a particularly bad time at the mo as he's 14 and the hormones are raging.

Just feel like getting in a car and drivng and driving and driving.............. No doubt parents of NT's would say feeling like that makes me a 'bad mother'

Hi Lola~

Big HHHHHUUUUUUGGGGSSSSSS for you!

I don't know....I think parents of NT children going through puberty have their moments when they want to escape, too. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You're not a bad mom. My son is 11 and has started going through puberty. He's done some pretty embarrassing things, which prompted me to have "the talk" with him. I was open, honest, and very black and white with him about what was appropriate and what was not. We had a good conversation. He saw that I was not ashamed or embarrassed to talk with him, and that helped him to open up to me a little bit. He didn't ask any questions, but he did answer the ones I asked.

One more BIG HHHHHHHUUUUUUUGGGG!! ! Just remember that this too shall pass.