How do you get your child to do schoolwork AT school??

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Thanks to all of you, I greatly appreciate your advice, please don't fight on my account!

Ah, come on! I'm not saying you are a bad parent and I'm not saying I had a miserable childhood. I'm just suggesting that you might be pushing your son too hard to be normal when he simply isn't capable. That is not to suggest that it's a bad thing to help him realise his full potential.

I'm certainly not a troll and think it's a bit ridiculous for you to suggest that I'm insulting you and making assumptions. I can only go by what you've written and frankly, some of it worries me somewhat. I suggest a nice cup of tea and a good lie down.

I have a partner with Asperger's. She is very perfectionistic and gets very upset when she doesn't understand an instruction or has trouble with a task. At these times, she finds it almost impossible to speak and ask for help or accommodations.

She can only signal for help or write down a request and if pressured to speak, finds it all too hard. Now I don't know how high-functioning your son is (and allowances need to be made for his age) but if he is anything like her, he won't be able to speak in times of high anxiety such as having trouble with a task.

For these kids, having an agreed non-verbal signal for when they need help is a godsend.

Jaleb, maybe they are more advanced in your son's class, but when I was in 1st grade, we had to practise writing individual letters, then sounds such as "an", "at" and then short words and maybe 3-4 word sentences using those words and sounds. We didn't write sentences that were any more complicated than that until 2nd grade.

Perhaps they could break down your son's tasks for a while and reward him for getting each part done, but gradually make the rewards less frequent and contingent upon his writing say 3 or 4 words in a sentence.

they are already doing all that (breaking it down etc.). And he can do it, he just doesn't want to. It is not the subject matter or his ability that is the problem, it is his motivation. They do reward him when he does it.

Your son sounds like me when I was in high school (the not wanting to do it part): I didn't know it at the time, but I was extremely overwhelmed with the environment, and this feeling [of anxiety] killed my want for doing...anything at school or anything related to schooling (as I associated said feeling with school). He could also just not want to do it as he's not focused on it (see: writing is boring to him). Does he do things he likes with a great intensity (whether at school or home)? Some things you just won't get me to do due to me lacking an interest in it, and no amount of forcing will get me to do it (it'll make the situation far worst in reality).

Also, I've never done homework in my life (school is left at school). No one could force me to do it either.

I do wonder about the environment, and they have his desk turned so his back is to most of the class. If the lights bother him or sounds he doesn't say so, but he tends to internalize things and communication on his part is poor (even though he is quite verbal). I do believe it is because the writing is boring to him. He rarely has homework, it is in his IEP and it is up to me if he even has to do it at all. And yes, things he does do is with great intensity. Some days he will do the work and others he just refuses. I just can't seem to find a way to motivate him.

There you go: his mind is obviously occupied and "elsewhere" when refuses to do the work. Those who're intently focused on things will have trouble doing other things if everything isn't just "right", "right" obviously equates to what's in said individuals mind. Even if everything is "right" the individual still may not do it (this is hard for a lot of people to grasp, but some people just won't do things that they don't like no matter if it's a means to an end; people on the autistic spectrum have a habit for living in the now). It's probably both things to some extent: the environment and his intense focus. If the environment is a part of it he may not even know what is overwhelming to him (I never knew for example), so even if he is quite verbal he may not have an answer if you ask him if there's anything he's uncomfortable with in the environment.

The intense focus is a gift and a curse.

Have they tried removing him from the bustle of the classroom for an hour or two each day. The ISS room would be good for this if there is no other place because any children in there would not be allowed to make noise.

No Child Left Behind has changed all that - children are expected to know all that, plus more on the first day of kindergarten. The work I've taught kindergartners often resembles by third grade texts, and my school was by no means "behind' - we were the most advanced school in the area, even the private school kids were often taken back a grade when they transferred in because they couldn't do the expected work

My son is in 1st grade but he reads on a 4th grade level or higher. He is quite intelligent, just non-motivated. Last year they tried the ISS room (they call it ALC) but it didn't really help and they tend to reserve it for more severe punishments. We may try it later if things don't improve though.

I didn't mean to put him in there as a punishment - but to remove him from things so he can concentrate with out 1,000 distractions going on all around him. Inded if he is the kind of the kid who deliberately stays in from recess as you indicated he might be I doubt he would see it as a punishment even if it were meant to be one

oh no, my kid LOVES recess and he LOVES the ALC room, we just didn't want him to think of it as being more of a punishment than it is, the teachers were worried about the "stigma" of having to go to ALC. I may consider having him sent there though if this keeps up, I am also entertaining the idea of trying to get him a personal aide, he kind of already has one by default during math and it seems to be helping.

Well that explains part of why it didn't work - "having to go there." It should be up to him whether or not he goes, and I don't mean asking him "Is it okay if you go here at 2:00 every day" but giving him the option to go or not each and every day within designated time frames when it would be acceptable.

Some aspie kids also prefer to do their work in the principal's office but again I suppose it could be seen as a punishment. But if the kid doesn't mind and it is okay with the head or vice principal, it is a possible option.

Wow, your son sounds the same as my 6 year old. We have had an absolute nightmare with him at school. He is very bright. Excellent at reading at home, and when you get him to write he's not bad at it. The trouble with our son is that if he can't do something straight away he gives up. I'm sure that at school he sees that the other kids can do some things better than him, and he gives up straight away. Some kids can write better than him so I'm sure it puts him off. He hates sports because the other kids are usually better, so he gives up straight away and doesn't want to join in. He just doesn't want to do anything.

We have to tell him that EVERYTHING takes practice, and told him examples of things he can do well now that took practice - riding a bike, etc. By luck a friend of his sent a "Thank you" card for a birthday present in the post over the summer holidays. He read it and I said how clever his friend was writing the card out so well. I asked him who was best at writing - him or his mate. He said he was better and then asked me to do some writing with him! I couldn't believe it. It's the first time that has happened. Something obviously clicked with him.

We had problems getting him to do reading for homework. He would just refuse to do it. But after a lot of fuss over a long period of time he eventually started to do it without fussing, and started enjoying it. I let him choose the reading books so he's in control. I suppose he was in control when he asked to do the writing the other day (rather than me asking him to do it). He is a generally power freak.

My son has his own desk at the back of the class as well, as the other kids bother him, and he's easily distracted. He sometimes wears ear plugs if the classroom gets too noisy. We have just got funding for 1:1 help at school as well which should help too. The school must be firm with your son. He needs to know the rules of the class. We had problems with our son in class not doing the work, and the school made allowances and gave him alternative tasks, etc. It ended up like our son was running the show. Everything became really bad. We've gone back to square one now. He just needs discipline, and the right encouragement.

I'm sure that with the right encouragement your son will do his work at school eventually. But when he's ready!

he has been doing a little better as far as I know, I told him that if he doesn't do it at school then I was going to have his teacher send home anything he doesn't do, and there would be no TV or computer unitl it was done. We talked about how it was better to do school work at school so when he gets home he can do all fun things, it is helping for now, so we will see!

"I told him that if he doesn't do it at school then I was going to have his teacher send home anything he doesn't do, and there would be no TV or computer unitl it was done."



Sounds good to me. I think I'll try that too!