toddler won't stay in bed

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Coffee's a good idea. It calms my kids and does the reverse reaction than to adults.

One thing I know my kids needed for sure if they weren't sleeping with us, was to allow them to fall asleep with the light on. The light comforted them (they needed much more than a night light) and they weren't "scared of the dark".

It worked really well with my youngest who did sometimes had problems sleeping but was much better than my oldest. And as long as it worked, I was keeping it lol.

I think Apatura is equating coffee and beer and pointing out the dark humor in slipping a child any drugs in his milk.

I have to say, as a person who suffered from caffeine addiction at a very early age, I think it's terrible to "slip" coffee into a child's milk. Caffeine can stunt growth and prohibit absorption of calcium. Because my parents were ignorant and had poor eating habits, I was drinking caffeinated drinks as early as 4. I had terrible insomnia (and was punished for it) until college.

Chamomile can cause photo sensitivity. and why would anyone want to "knock out" a child?

My four year old is still in his crib. I use that cozy crib tent II. It's a tent with a zipper that goes over the crib. I have used it since he was born so he would get used to it and has had no problems (yet) I was actually looking for a bed with something like this, but I could not find anything online. I am scared to move him to a bed since I think he would be getting out and not only would I worry about danger, I know I would be such a witch from getting no sleep. I wish you all the best and I will keep track of this thread for tips.

Well... I've been trying palomino's suggestion. It's one o'clock in the morning right now and he just finally fell asleep. I think we're on the third night. I probably put him back in bed 50-100 times tonight. No lasting improvements yet.

I want to respond in depth to some of your posts ... I'll probably wait until I'm more awake though. Right now I just want to vent. I'm really discouraged. I guess I don't want to ramble on about the details of that... but ...

we found once son was allowed to have books and music on in his room, he'd stay in his bed...you sound so exhausted~don't miss those days

Thank you... I was very tired. Now I am still tired but not so discouraged anymore.

I've been realizing today that he just needs my help in order to focus, in many ways... including with sleep. Sometimes he will start to drift off, and then he will deliberately move and try to wake himself back up again. Tonight I put him back into bed more times than I can count. Then I gave up and sat by him, patted his arms back down each time he started to wiggle, and reminded him to close his eyes. He fell asleep pretty quickly after that. He seems too distractable to keep himself from following his whims. He has not gotten out of bed at all in the middle of the night, for the past couple nights... so at least there's that. He is still waking up too early but I think that might correct itself once he is getting to sleep on time and is less wired on sleep deprivation.

My plan of action for now is going to be to use palomino's method for naps (since that seems to be going fine). At night I will stay in the room with him until he falls asleep at first, just laying him back down or patting his limbs to remind him that he needs to relax. I just needed to "think outside the box". Music, cuddles, soft touches, and other typical sleep aids are too much sensory input for him, but he does seem to need me there to keep him "on task". I even had to take his "lovey" out of the crib, because it was too distracting. He didn't get upset at all, it was like he was relieved that I was there to help him sleep.

I will sleep on the couch until he stops climbing out of bed in the mornings, that way I can hear him if he tries to do anything dangerous.

Pugly, the reason your input helped me so much is because one thing I have been deeply worried about is that his lack of empathy and appetite for disobedience might be a sign that he has some sociopathic traits, given who his biological father is. I was really encouraged to hear that you were so much like my son when you were a kid, because you are such a good man. I really just want to do my best to make sure that he is prepared for the world, and that he is a decent man when he is grown. I might ask you for some more advice.

Thanks everybody for listening and supporting me. This thread has helped me sort through my options and get some clarity.

It's normal for little kids to think almost exclusively of themselves. It takes time for them to start realising that other people have rights too. I would not have the patience to keep putting a kid back in bed so I would have them sleep with me but it would drive me nuts if a kid didn't sleep much because I need a lot of sleep to function well.

I did sleep training with my son when he was about 1 year old. I used the Dr. Ferber method (look for his books on amazon or B&N). It gets harder to do sleep training the older a child gets, but even older kids can benefit from it. My son sometimes has difficulty falling asleep, but once asleep he stays asleep until the morning. I think the sleep training is why he's a good sleeper. I know many ASD kids suffer from sleep problems.

For my son, it was 5 hard nights of sleep training (initially) and a few refreshers for the first 3 years.

We had this problem with our (very NT) eldest daughter, though we had already moved her to a bed. For quite some time we just gave up and I sat in the room with her (and her younger sister) until they were both asleep.

Eventually my wife and I decided that we'd had enough of loosing 30-90 minutes per day effectively "doing nothing". We told them that if they persisted in getting out of bed, their bedroom door would be closed (which they hate, because they don't want to be physically forced to be apart from us like that). Of course, they kept getting out of bed; each night (after enough warnings) we'd close the door. After they'd had a fit in their room and calmed down a little, we'd go back in and explain what they'd done wrong and what we wanted. Over the following week or so, they had the door closed less and less each night, and now frequently don't have it closed at all. (It's still early days in the scheme of things, but my wife and I suddenly have much more time together... which seems to get used doing laundry! ).

I have to say I tried everything that has been mentioned, and everything I could read in the parenting magazines. It just didn't work. I was desperate!

I did not have sleep for 11 yrs!

When it gets this bad you have to do something. KimJ I understand your feelings on knocking a kid out, but you know if it affects a child for so long, and you are affected too, you have to do somethihng.

Melatonin saved my life when it came to sleep. And hell I would of picked caffeine too it at the time if it would helped. I would of done the most reasonable things at the time.

The thing I wouldn't of done tho is giving benedrill, because that to me was "Knocking out"

But now that I have Melantonin, and it's not hurting him, and he sleeps, and I sleep then so be it.