Worried about my toddler.

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My son is also about 2 1/2, but he's been recieving services since about 16 months old so he's really caught up a lot in speech and cognitive development, but his social and coping skills still leave a lot to be desired. My son is also not potty trained at all, and our biggest problem with that is his need to have absolute control: he will not poop at daycare or anywhere outside the home, and he needs to be standing up. Very odd, and if anyone has any suggestions I'd like to hear them.

As far as developing speech, I found the biggest help for my son was his infant stim teacher who came to our house twice a week. She wasn't really geared solely to speech, but the way she talked, the way she described things, just really connected with him. I'm not even sure how it happened but he went from not saying anything at all to saying whole sentences in about 4 months. I'd hate to tell you to switch speech therapists at this point, but maybe if you could find someone that your daughter could better connect with, she might make more progress? My son never liked any of his therapists as much as he liked teacher Iris and he made soooo much progress with her.

PDD = Pervasive Developmental Disorder

If you want to be technically correct, PDD - NOS = Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified - also on the Autistic Spectrum.

My 2nd son was originally diagnosed with PDD - NOS because the Paediatrician didn't believe he fit all the criteria for Asperger's. However, his diagnosis was later changed to Asperger's.

Helen

I apologize for being abrupt, earlier.

Do you have any developmental pediatricians in your area? We were sent to a neurologist first who was very perplexed by our son. We didn't actually get a dx until we went to a develpmental ped and then later we got the same dx through Early Intervention. The dev ped eval really helps with obtaining services quickly. It can be expensive but worth it.

As far as weaning and potty training go, I wouldn't stress it at this age. I know typical kids who are not weaned and/or potty trained at 2 1/2.

My son has always had good eye contact, which is why it was so hard for a his regular ped, the neurologist, and several other people to make a dx. I think it is the quality of the eye contact that matters, as I have seen even low functioning kids on the spectrum look directly at me for quite a long time. Not to say that that means I think your daughter is autistic. I agree that she may just have sensory processing issues, especially if she is playing with you at home.

Our son got a PDD-NOS dx at 2 1/2. Around other kids, he was exactly the same as your daughter, but shopping or in restaurants he was like an angel. To the rest of the world, he seemed very typical but extremely quiet and still in public. None of my friends even recognized there was a problem. But at home, he was the same. He liked to lay around a lot and didn't know how to play with toys. He lined them up a lot, didn't run around much. He did very unusual things for his age like read books for looooong periods of time by himself. He played with me, but not with anybody else, and not like what you describe your daughter does. He did develop language very quickly, which was probably a factor in why it was hard to see anything was wrong.

I am not sure if there's a developmental pediatrician in my area. I am willing to spend more, if it would mean helping my daughter.

She prefers musical toys, books and puzzles. She also LOVESSSSSSSSSSS Barney, and has a good vision/memory. At home, she's a little devil; at day care, apparently, she's "in her own world"
and in group therapy, she really tunes the lot of them out.

BTW, what do mean by "quality of eye contact"? Could you give me some example?

Thanks.

I am not sure how to describe it, but there is meaningful eye contact, which you can tell the child is trying to make a connection with you, express a feeling, or send you some kind of message. Then there is a somewhat empty but not quite blank, almost fearful, but not quite, kind of expressionless stare, like there might possibly be some kind of telepathic message behind it if you had ESP, but not exactly a typical kind of look.

I think another good indicator is joint attention. Does she ever show you something, look at it, look at you and try to share a feeling, then go back and forth between looking at you and at the object? An aspie child will typically show you something, look at the object and even make facial expressions directed at the object, talk about the object, but never really look at or reference the person he/she is showing the object to. If your daughter can shift her focus back and forth between object and person, she probably isn't on the spectrum, as hyperfocus, problems transitioning, eye contact, lack of social awareness, and lack of joint attention all prohibit a spectrum child from doing this.

As others have said, a child can make eye contact and be very loving with parents and still be on the autism spectrum. I have a five year old son with Asperger syndrome. When he was 2 1/2, there were very few signs that distinguished him from typical kids. He was affectionate with us, made eye contact, and his language development appeared typical.

From what you have said, I think there is a possibility that your child could be on the autism spectrum. Some speech delayed children show a few autistic-like behaviors when they are young and then go on to be completely typical kids. Others turn out to be autistic. If your daughter is autistic, though, please don't give up the dreams that you have for her. There are doctoral level university professors with autism (I know several, actually). I understand how you feel, because I've been in your shoes. I've come to realize, though, that it is not fair to the child to put limits on what you think she can accomplish. If you allow yourself to give up on her, that will be a bigger obstacle for her than autism ever could be.

Autistic or not, as she gets older, you will discover talents in her that, as of today, you are totally unaware of. At the age of 5, I am continuously discovering talents in my son that I had no idea he had even a year ago.

As the parent of a child on the autism spectrum, the best advice I can give you is to:

A) Get your daughter evaluated as soon as possible by someone that is an expert on autism.

B) Regardless of whether she is autistic or not, help your daughter overcome her deficits, whatever they may be.

C) Regardless of whether she is autistic or not, help your daughter develop her talents, whatever they may be.

If your daughter does have autism, there may be a temptation to focus all of your energy on "fixing" what she isn't good at. That is important, but it is equally important to help her develop her interests and talents. No one can grow into a confident, happy adult if they spend their entire childhood being constantly reminded about the many things they aren't good at. If she has autism, get her as much help as you can to help her overcome her difficulties, but remember to also help her develop her talents and interests. Those talents and interests are her key to success, whether she is autistic or not.

Again, I'm not saying that your daughter has autism -- she may end up being completely, 100% typical. Even if she is, though, most of what I said above still applies.