Homeschool a better option than fighting the public school?

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My son is 9 and I pulled him out of public school in October of last year (2nd grade). We were really put through the ringer with the whole IEP process. At the end, I consulted with an attorney and a private psychologist who has been involved in a lot of special ed litigation. The attorney and psychologist felt that my son was denied FAPE (fair appropriate public education) and that I had a strong case to litigate, but it would have taken years and money $$$$. It was a horror show.

I really felt backed into a corner. My son had become extremely depressed and regressed. He was stimming at school everyday. He was placing himself in the timeout room for 45 minutes at a time during the day. He acted out to be sent home. They started sending him home early once or twice a week. They started to suspend him for 1 or 2 days for disability-related behaviors. After the last suspension, I sent in the homeschool paperwork and never looked back.

It has not been easy at all, but better than public school. Homeschoolers have all kinds of activities throughout the area. When my son is around other kids, no one is making fun of him. He gets a fair shot at being friends with another kid and he's made some real friends.

Homeschooling felt weird to me at first, but then it started to feel like liberation. I don't know if Thomas Edison had Aspergers or not, but his official school career only lasted 3 months because of behavior/learning problems. His mom homeschooled him and he credited her with his success in life.

Age1600--thanks for your input. So far we are not having much luck with the school listening; that's why I'm exploring the idea of homeschooling. Trust me--it's not something I had thought much about before the problems w/ my son in school. Daughter has not had any problems with school, then again she is NT.

What about mentoring? theres groups by me that give free mentoring by other students or afterschool activities to maybe help him get back on track. I'm sorry you guy is having so much trouble, i know school is sooo hard for any kid, but even with a kid whos autistic is ten times harder. I know i struggled through school a lot, but being mainstreamed defintely helped. But homeschooling isnt a bad idea, my cousins are homeschooled, and meet with other homeschooled families and go on trips through a homeschooled program, which is pretty cool.

Unless the mom or dad are insane, or the child's behaviour is so challenging that keeping the child home would drive them insane, I will always vote for homeschool. I could not homeschool my non-verbal autistic plus daughter because of her violence, but I homeschooled my aspie all the way to college at age fifteen and he did not need to go through the hell I went through in public school. He was quite capable of learning while bouncing on his head, something I don't think the school would have allowed. He now works as a programmer for a video game company and nobody there thinks he's unusual.

I do think there is a difference between Aspies and autistics in that regard. We're on the fence about homeschooling our autistic son-mainly for the speech delay and peer modelling. He'd benefit from the 1-1 attention and the sensory breaks I'd provide at home. But he needs access to peer modelling and real world speech.

Never give up! Wanting to shelter your kid from the frustrations of being in a more social/structured school is no good reason to home school them. Don't be afraid to be tough at times and encourage them to do the same. People can get used to just about anything when they endure it long enough. And no amount of intelligence or education is going to matter if they can't face the real world.

KimJ,
Once I was asked a question by the wife of my husband's commanding officer, and so I could not answer the truth. Her job was counselling all the pregnant girls in the local high school. When she found out I was homeschooling my NT son in high school, she confronted me and asked, "But what about his socialization?" I think I answered something about statistics showing that not a problem but what I thought was: "You want my son socialized the way the girls you counsel are socialized?"
What I saw modelled in school was a hundred different ways to bully someone. Please forgive my bitterness, but I am so glad I did not need to make my kids go through that. Maybe they would not have, but I doubt it.

Kim, my son has some strong autistic traits. I was afraid he was losing peer modeling by being at home with me, but he wasn't getting much out being in the classroom with NTs. He was misreading so much and getting teased. The other kids talked circles around him and pushed his buttons. One time, he flew into a rage and started smacking some other kid. It turned out the other NT kid blew on my son's face on purpose. He knew it would set him off and get him in trouble. My son felt ashamed for smacking the heck out of the other kid, but didn't have any other way of dealing with it.

We do at least one homeschooling activity once per week. There have been no behavior issues. He has not attacked any other kid and he takes care of the younger kids around him. He feels successful. The other moms say that my son is so polite

husband came home tonight and said he has decided he is against the homeschooling so that might very well be the end of our discussion in our home. He said that since son is not failing (actually does very well in reading) and the main areas he needs to improve in are social he doesn't think it would be wise to pull him out of school. did get a good email from the school, saying he is playing with peers about 50% of the time now at recess. That is an improvement. we have also had him pick a friend to eat in the resource room with him and the kids in his class have been taking turns doing that with him. The teacher says the other kids seem to like that time in a quieter atmosphere (Bobby will not eat lunch in the main lunchroom--too many distractions) and he is working on social skills at the same time. Maybe I should just try to be more patient....

I can't say enough good things about homeschooling. My son attended a gifted program int he public schools for 4 years before we pulled him out. He was OK until 3rd grade. I will not go into the gory details except to say that bullying, waiting and waiting weeks to get an IEP meeting (which usually ended up being pointless because my son is very bright, not a behavior problem and got very good grades (the only thing the school is concerned about) ...so what's the problem? My son was able to hold it together during school because he knew that's what was expected of him but the problem with public school is like fitting a square peg in a round hole and for most of 3rd grade he was stressed out, confused and miserable. I would not keep him in that environment because I know it was hurting him.

My thoughts on socialization are this: my son spent much of his school day avoiding bullies and then sitting in a classroom of 26 kids while the teacher tried to control the bullies all the time trying to get his schoolwork done. What did he learn from that but fear? For an aspie kid (at least mine) it was the closest thing to hell. I don't buy for a second that the only kind of socialization a kid needs is in a classroom for 6 hours with 26 kids. My son has a really great friend who comes over and they play and talk for 3 hours straight about many things, he gets to go to swimming, bowling and many field trips.

Homeschooling doesn't have to cost that much - there are millions of free resources online. We get to tailor the lessons to my son's interests - not some waste of time subject he already knows (like happened a lot in school) . Homeschool is freedom. Freedom to let your kid learn in an environment that is safe and relatively anxiety free.

The school will almost always be unresponsive if your kid is smart and not a behavior problem. There was not really much they could have done for my son - he was so high functioning but still not in the best learning environment that the only solution was to take him out of that environment.

Wow- I couldn't disagree more. Your solution to kids being bullied and not thriving in an environment is "tough it out" ? So rather than homeschooling my son I should have made him "tough it out" and be teased and bullied and have the school do nothing about it. Make my son enter an environment every day for 6 hours at age 8 that was the completely wrong place for him? Where is it written that public school is the only place for a child to learn and that suffering is a rite of passage we all must endure. My son will and does endure suffering in his life no one gets a pass on that but when there is a choice- why not give it to him.

They are unresponsive, even with behavior problems. Unless your child has a cognitive delay, they expect the kid to shake off the autism. They kept telling my son to "be good" and the NT kids were torturing him. I really wish public schools would focus on the behavior of the NTs. From what I see, those kids get a way with a ton of stuff and their parents don't care as long as their kid is on top of the pile.

But what if your child is smart but IS something of a behavior problem? Our son's teachers all say he's a "sweet boy," but they tell us he is CONSTANTLY disruptive, leaves his seat, talks nonstop, usually sounds like he's yelling even when he's not, doesn't "get it" when other people are annoyed or upset by him, and he doesn't respect other people's personal space - he will hug and hang on other kids and it creeps them out and annoys them. It was MUCH worse before he was on medication, but it's still bad enough that the teachers are constantly on us to tell them what to do. We don't know what to do. He doesn't act this badly at home, except for the arguing sometimes and not wanting to take responsibilities for himself (which is fairly typical behavior for a 8-9 yr old). Even though his class size is much smaller this year (only 15 kids or so), he still acts goofy for attention (even negative attention). He tells jokes and laughs like crazy at them, even though he does not understand the jokes. He throws himself on the floor and rolls around and tries to wrestle with other kids. He babbles constantly "off-topic", often in a high-pitched screechy, sing-songy voice.

BUT his grades are good! He reads several grade levels above his peers. So the district says he won't qualify for assistance because "you can't demonstrate that his behaviors/condition is adversely affecting his ability to learn." My answer is, how can you know that if you don't know what his potential is? And how can he not qualify for help if EVERY TEACHER HE'S EVER HAD has complained constantly of these exact same behaviors, every week, for the entire school year? The three times in three years he's somehow not taken his medication, he's had to be sent home from school, he was so out of control.

Now he's finally starting to internalize all of this and blames himself for being "bad." Great. It's finally taking a toll on his self-esteem. He says the meds don't help him enough to make his teachers happy, or keep him out of trouble, so it must be his fault. This breaks my heart.

Our meeting with the school is tomorrow morning. I'm trying not to feel hostile toward the staff. The last time we all met, I was given a lecture about school funding being tied to enrollment. This, apparently, was of greater immediate concern to this person than my son's well-being, or the sanity of his teachers (who think he's a "good kid" but haven't a clue how to deal with him, except to try various ways to separate him from the rest of the class).

Maybe if they're so concerned about their precious "bottom line" and their funding, I SHOULD tell them we'll just homeschool the rest of the year - see if that doesn't get their attention. (We might be bluffing...but I'm so frustrated at this point and very VERY anxious about tomorrow's meeting.)

Sinagua,

I wish you the best of luck with the school meeting. As I responded in another thread, your son's behaviors are so similar to my son's. Those IEP meetings left me feeling sick most of the time.

Sinagua, do we have the same child? Best of luck to you in IEP meeting. I know how frustrating it can be--we were denied for the same reasons and our children sound so similar. Sometimes I feel like the dog whisperer when I talk to the school--I need to be "calm and assertive"

I wonder if CRACK is trolling. I've seen a number of posts from him that suggest he probably is.