Discipline

Post Reply New Topic

Thanks for the insight. I knew my issues weren't unique, but it's reassuring to hear from people who can relate.

My stepson is the only one is his school with autism of any kind and their solution was to place him in with LD children (they didn't know what else to do with him). While this has been helpful with his below level reading scores, he is of average/above average intelligence and probably was bored (he is being transitioned to a regular class hopefully by the end of the year). I know these are adding to his stresses; changing classes, new children, new teachers, more homework (it's amazing the volume 3rd graders bring home). He is on Focalin and has been for a few of years. I don't believe he is currently receiving any kind of in-school therapies; had OT in K and 1st. This has been one of my concerns. I think he could benefit from something additional for his behavior, but I don't know where to start. We are not the custodial parents of C and his mother tends to be indifferent/complacent. I see things escalating as he has a tends to get aggressive and more physical now. The teachers usually just have him leave their class when there's a problem, sending him back to his special ed. teacher. There have got to be better solutions than this! His maturity level is more that of a 6 year old, so it's hard to reason with him. How do your schools handle these type of problems? What therapies might be helpful based on anything you've experienced?

This is a default course of action and is very unhelpful. This doesn't teach anything other than, "have a tantrum, get out of class". It's a very poor tool that teaches a child self-loathing and manipulation. Unfortunately, when the school says that they don't know how else to deal with your child, then it's hard to convince them how to change.
Likely, there are specific triggers that are causing your son to want to leave class or have disruptive "behavior". He needs to learn to recognize those triggers and ask for a break before he gets kicked out. These are my son's goals and we had to fight really hard to get the school staff to implement them. The special ed teacher would deny knowing anything about my son and the regular ed teacher was too harried to really investigate anything, she had 30+ kids.

Smunkey, my son is mainstreamed and, while he was very far behind in reading for a while, his IEP team felt it was important to keep him at grade level to keep him interested in school, given that there were so many areas he was far ahead. The answer they provided for the disparity was to pull him out of regular class several times a week to get intensive one on one help with his weak subjects. I think being in a class with students generally performing below grade level would have been very frustrating and counter productive for him. I am glad that this was not the way our school handled my son.

We do have the advantage that our school has had several children on the spectrum, and is experienced with it.

My son receives OT and counseling through the school, in addition to the pull outs for working on specific skills. He received speech for several years (to deal with pragmatic speech issues). His school also provides a weekly lunch bunch to work on social skills in a controlled setting. He also received accomodations in the areas of writing, which is stressful to him, in that he may dictate or shorten written assignments. The teachers watch him for sensory conflict, and have allowed him to leave assemblies when they saw him covering his ears. He has also been allowed to escape into an antiroom near his classroom when feeling overwhelmed. And no one tries to make him sit still, lol. It is understood that motion is important to his ability to pay attention. All of that helps a lot.

I am afraid that I have gotten the impression, on occassion, from some parents, that some schools would rather play the ignorance game, than devote the time and resources it takes to properly educate a child on the spectrum. Perhaps they hope you will leave the school, and they won't have the sag on their test scores and finances (the false impression that most of these children cannot score well). Knowing how well a child on the spectrum can do in school, I wouldn't settle for anything less, but I understand that this isn't within your control.

You can, however, ask the school about services you have heard other schools provide children like your stepson. There is nothing to prevent you from advocating for him. I think it is great that you wish to.

I agree that most of the issues are related to the autism. of course you can't be sure so we treat it all as if it is. basically, we use all the behavior issues as teachable moments. Discipline means to teach so that is in line with my family's philosophy. I am reading an AWESOME book that was recommended by another one of the parents in my parents of Aspie group that is helping me understand my son's mind so much. It is called Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick. I highly recommend it to any parent who is having behavior issues with their aspie.

sounds like he needs a behavior support plan (BSP).....this would outline what behavior you're trying to extinguish, and how you ( and the staff) will attempt to do this..........BSP's are very individualized plans. I can't really say what would work best for your son. some kids respond best to adults ignoring a specific behavior. other kids respond best to direct intervention from an adult ( ie; stop it now).........It should be outlined within an effective BSP how you/staff will reward positive behavior, and what positive behavior looks like. for instance: there's a child who screams when he hears the school bell. A BSP would outline the negative behavior- screaming when he hears the school bell. determine a course of action- He will be calmly removed from the area where the bell is ringing, determine what positive behavior looks like- He will tell you what is bothering him before he starts screaming, determine what reward is appropriate- staff will acknowledge that it was good that he talked about what was bothering him. staff will encourage him to use a small stress ball instead of screaming.............

once the screaming behavior is extinguished, you/staff could move on to work on perhaps, extinguishing his need to use a stress ball...........or work on a different behavior.....

When our son has meltdowns, he usually goes to another office, that of a teacher who works with other kids with Asperger's. Sometimes he goes to the school nurse. Generally the meltdowns are rare but are triggered when he doesn't understand a particular lesson, or doesn't understand what's being asked of him (sometimes questions are phrased awkwardly enough that WE aren't entirely sure what is meant, either), and before anyone knows anything's amiss, he's already crying, and there is simply no talking to him or reasoning with him until he calms down. Even in a relatively small class of just 12 kids, he still usually needs to leave the room - not being sent away or banished, although yes he's said he sometimes feels that way - but because the classroom environment is too distracting and he gets so hypersensitive so that anything said to him is construed as an argument or an insult, making him MORE upset...it just spirals. And it often takes a good 15-30 minutes for him to calm back down enough that he can articulate what's wrong and HEAR you explain calmly why this is not the end of the world, we can work this out, offer suggestions, etc. Once he's gone over to full-blown frustration, he just can't hear you - or he takes what you say and turns it into something vicious when that wasn't intended. Our son turned nine in January and we've been noticing he's been getting a bit more "dramatic" lately. Of course, we are moving across country in a couple of months and no doubt that transition could be causing some (or a lot) of his anxiety, even though he says he's excited about the move and looking forward to it.

We hate for him to think he's being "banished" from the class for being upset. On the other hand, he acknowledges that he NEEDS and even WANTS to know that there's a safe, quiet place he can go to for awhile if he becomes overwhelmed, and that there is at least one other adult he can speak to and express his frustration without fear of being punished.

It's hard, isn't it?

SO MUCH depends upon the tone and attitude the child's primary teacher takes, and whether or not they believe/understand much of the undesirable, disruptive behavior is related to the AS or autism etc, and not just "acting out" or "bad behavior."

sinagua~ my daughter is like this. there's just no talking to her when she's in the midst of a meltdown. she just needs to be comforted. when she's calm, you can reason with her.we've tried minimizing her meltdowns, but have found that for her they're usually due to her misunderstanding something someone has said and/or taking someone too literally........we've changed our language to accomodate her & have encouraged her to ask for clarification before she assumes that she understands someone. seems to be working so far