Child sees no cause and effect.

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Thanks for the compliment. We all just feel it out as we go, don't we?

I've given up on the shoes. We just go the extra mile to find velcro or slip ons for him. He actually CAN tie his shoes now, he's almost 11, but he has no interest in re-tying them 5 times a day and so it's better just to make it a non-issue. He can tie his little buddy at school's shoes when asked, and for my son that is all he needs to be able to do (he actually surprised himself when that happened, but he didn't want to tell the kid he couldn't do it, so he amazed himself and simply did it, lol - as with so many things, they aren't a problem when the motivation is there). Given that velcro has been invented, why not take advantage it? That's how he thinks.

I think ALL parents wrestle with realizing that their children are not copies of themselves. It's a constant learning process for us. I don't think any of us realize just how unique each individual really is until we become parents and try to help a completely different soul to adulthood.

Yes, we do. I guess it's all any of us can do, as parents.

I've given up on the shoes, too. Really, you are right - there are lots of "slip-on" shoes (as he calls them) these days, and he will wear one pair at a time, until they fall apart. Then we go buy another pair. If I buy him a brand new pair and his old ones haven't fallen apart (or the new ones are slightly large), he will continue to wear the old ones until they fall apart and he literally has no choice but to wear the new ones.



Very true, very true. I never really thought my son would be a "copy" of me - he's a male, for starters - but I didn't appreciate how many flavors of "different" there are - I guess that's what "unique" MEANS, huh? lol! Silly me, but sometimes I don't "get" everything on the first (or fifth) try. And I had really poor parental units, myself, so all I know is "try not to do what they did." But that doesn't always tell me what to do INSTEAD. I would've had struggles with an "NT" child, much less one with AS/ADHD/whatever.

Anyway, thanks again for the insights.

Congratulations on the diagnosis. Start educating yourself on Aspergers. I always recommend Tony Attwood The Complete Guide to Aspergers c/2007 (available on amazon for about $25).

With your son being older you are a little “behind the curve" but the same supports needed for a younger child still apply. He needs a comprehensive non-academic curriculum including social skills, theory of mind training EF (executive function) supports, a sensory sensitivity audit and accommodations, a comprehensive bullying program for his environment, teachers and clinician who are adequately trained in Aspergers so they “get it”, an appropriate behavior plan with “incident autopsy procedures” for when incidents occur, likely some language therapy for non logical language constructs, possibly a paraprofessional for generalization of the non academic curriculum, and referral to the gifted program as his special abilities manifest themselves.

All of these can be accomplished by aggressively applying IDEA

When these supports are in place your daily struggles will subside quickly

I am sure you already know this but you have a very special child

bookwormde

I'm amazed people expect so much from a 9 year old. What ever happened to being a kid? School sucks, I never learned anything there that I needed later.

That's the same thing about me.