Is childcare good or bad for spectrum babies/ children?

Post Reply New Topic

have done the SAHM thing, and private home daycares..........had good experiences with the daycares we used. extra socialization & the understanding that sometimes socialization is just too much are what helped the most

YES! I know the feeling, I LoVe watching and helping my little one learn and grow, its vary pleasing,
and he seems to see this and tries even harder for me.

What I do is I select a large variety of the things I want him to use or try,
then I let him take his pick, from there I slowly work him into other things,
like with citrus, he does not like to eat the fresh fruit all that much,
so what I did was make cakes and things he would eat, then I add more and more
of what I wanted him to try until he started eating the fresh fruits in it on his own,
I never force him to do or eat anything he does not want to try.
we at times make a game out of feeding each other, many times when something
is new he will try to feed it to me first, I let him, then he tries it, its a start.
with meats I have him help me prepare them, I do not just give him basic hamburger or the like,
we spice it up with something he likes (he seems to do well with soy sauce most of the time)
and make it into balls or patty's, then once they are done we eat them )
slowly I reduce the the flavorings, as for the textures, he slowly gets better with them the more we
work on them, like the meats, we make the balls and patty's together where normally he does not
like to touch them once cooked if I had made them by my self, I try and make everything a game.
and I include him in most all my daily activities, house cleaning, washing dishes, etc etc etc,
he likes to copy me and be included in things, I use this to help him learn and I praise him for things,
he eats up the attention and trys even harder.

My baby just started an in-home daycare. She was highly recommended by a good friend of mine. But he is having just terrible separation anxiety. He cries so much he loses his voice, and the babysitter is getting stressed at how high-needs my baby is. I could tell he was left to cry because he has scratches on his ear and a hoarse voice. Last night he woke up every hour! Agh! Even after he comes home, his stress level is just extreme. I know the babysitter is trying though. She wears him in a sling and gives him lots of attention. He is the only baby there with a couple of toddlers.

I want him to bond to her and learn that there are other people that can take care of him and meet his needs. I never mentioned to her that I think he is probably on the autism spectrum. Maybe I should tell her that he really needs the extra attention.

Have her try wearing your perfume,
or let your little one get used to you wearing hers.
could help

Cattspur - Sorry you feel insulted by my observations. But I do stand by them. I have seen this time and time again. Many children (not all, but many - if not most, from what I've seen) who have already been exposed to groups of children in formal daycare settings seem to settle in more easily to Kindergarten. They DO tend to learn the routines faster, assimilate faster, and progress to the lessons faster than those who have to be taught how to share, how to get in line, how to sit at a table for communal meals, how to settle for a nap in a group environment where there are many children present, learn to interact with teachers and aids (who are strangers) more quickly, etc.

Since the teachers are on a strict schedule of what has to be taught and what has to be mastered in a day, they really don't have a lot of time to spare these days to deal with a hysterically crying or non-adjusting kid. And the kid loses out. That's what I've seen - Kindergarten is no longer the land of "go and play with paints and have cookies and milk" that it was when I was that age. They've brought some of the subject material down the grades to them and they have formal lessons. When I was young, in the 1950s, Kindergarten was meant to basically be the year where the kid learned how to function in school. That appears to no longer be the case. And, unfortunately, that does entail fallout for the child who doesn't fit in. Unfair? Yes. Intentional on the part of the teachers/aids/system? Probably not. But it happens.

~

I also have a nightmare story about a corporate daycare setting. I also have had exceptionally good experiences with two other corporate daycares. I have used "in home" baby sitters and found them to be the best option for when my child was extremely young and for when I had to be away at late hours when she was older. My child and the sitter became like an "Auntie/Niece" pair, and we still hear from her occasionally, 15 years later.

One disaster we had was using a family "group home". The woman in charge was totally unqualified to deal with a special needs child, but that's the only daycare we could find at the time. She pretty much was just a stay-at-home mom who was making extra money by keeping several children in her home. She was licensed - the county does inspect the places to make sure they're clean and safe, but that's all they do. She left my daughter sitting, crying hysterically, in a high chair all afternoon on the day she called me to come get her. She basically terminated the contract with no notice, saying that my daughter's crying was upsetting the other children. Mind you, I had explained carefully to her that my daughter had sensory issues, didn't do well with change, etc., and so she'd need to help her adjust - and that it would probably take twice as long as with a normal child. She called us three days into the week and said "come get her and don't bring her back." The next daycare I found was "corporate" - or, rather, it was a large center run by a church. It was wonderful, and my daughter did exceptionally well there for the next three years.


No, I am not a teacher. I have volunteered in daycares and in classrooms however, and I've paid rather close attention to how the kids reacted (in preparation for my own child getting there at a future point, at that time). I did that to see what it was she was going to have to deal with, so I could work in advance to prepare her as much as I could. Did I want to have to put her in daycare? Hell no. I wanted to keep her at home as long as I could. Unfortunately, there were no other options for us, other than putting her up for adoption. Did I do everything I could think of to help her succeed, given her special quirks? You bet I did. Looking back now, if I'd had all the money in the world at that time and had a choice of how she was raised, I'd still have put her in the good daycare we did find (at the church) a few hours a day. She loved it there. I'd ask her, on my days off, if she wanted to go to school or stay home and she'd want to go to school.

The moral of that story is, there is no one-size-fits-all situation - all you can do is whatever you have in your power to do to help your child into the world at large. Do your research as much as you can, and expect that a part of the process is going to be that your kid has to learn to fit the world in some respects, rather than the world being entirely accommodating to your child. Best to start that one young, because if you wait until they're older to have to learn the hard way, well, it's that much tougher on the kid.

around here kindergartners are expected to be able to write their name, know the alphabet and how to write it - 1 or 2 letters backwards is okay but in general all letters should be write, count to ten, write numbers up to ten, be able to add/subtract simple problems, and read some sight words PRIOR to the first day of kindergarten. Every week, starting on the first week of school, the kids are given a short book to takke home. They are expected to read it entirely independently to an adult at home



Those that don't are severely behind their peers and often end up having to repeat kindergarten. Its not so simple as saying well she's a teacher, she should spend more time teaching the kid how to stand in a straight line. Teachers lost the luxury or getting individual students up to developmentally appropriate par when no child left behind was put into place. Teachers can't even repeat the same lesson twice, regardless of whether or not the students got it the first time, if they want to cover all the material they are expected to in time for the test that determines whether or not they'll have a job. Its not like when we were in school where things were reviewed until everyone, or most everyone, understood and grasped the concepts

There are certain times in a child's life when they are just going to have a harder time, emotionally and psychologically, being away from whomever has been their primary caregiver. There are times when nothing seems to work and you have to wait it out until they leave that phase of development. Other times, perhaps alternative strategies might help.

I went through a similar situation (I think) to what you've got - the daycare home was highly recommended, but the caregiver was not prepared to deal with my child's severe separation issues. It should be pretty obvious to you by a week or two into it whether you've got a good match with the provider or not. If you've got one who just can't stand your child, it might be better to look elsewhere.

If you think there's hope, you might sit down with the caregiver, and mention that you've noticed that both she and your child are having some trouble adapting to the new situation. Try to find out what the day is like at the daycare home, see how you can help your baby fit in. You don't say how old your child is, so it's hard to give advice. The following may be more appropriate for a child older than yours.

One of the hallmarks of a lot of people on the spectrum is trouble with change, so if the child is old enough to understand spoken language AND if your care provider is willing to work with that, you might work out some coping strategies. What worked at one place my daughter went to was them telling her in advance what was going to happen (this was when she was old enough to understand a bit). When she arrived the providers would welcome her. She had her special place to keep her things. The had a routine that she went through that was the same every day. They would tell her in advance - "we're going out to the play yard in 10 minutes" then "we'll be going out to the play yard in 5 minutes" then "it's time to go out to the play yard. do you know what to do?" (She quickly mastered that she was to go put her play smock on and line up by the door and was praised for doing so). The routine at that place might have been deadening for some other children, but my kid did exceptionally well with it.

Yes, there initially were a lot of tears (some of them mine, as I cried all the way back to the car after they had to pry her arms off my legs at the door when it was time for me to leave.) But we all got through it. She learned to cope, and pretty darned well.

At first, when she was a toddler and I'd have to leave her, they worked with her feelings. They had a little step stool by the door, so she could see out the window as I was walking down the sidewalk to my car. They had tapes of some popular children's entertainer of the time, and one of the tapes was a song about how "My Mommy Comes Back to Get Me" and they'd sing that every morning with her. They taught her how to read a clock, saying that Mommy would come back when the big hand was on the 3 and the little hand was on the 5, that sort of thing. And at about the time I would be due back they'd start mentioning that - "it's almost time for some of your mommies to come back. do you know when your mommy should be here?" Routine, routine, routine. They posted what the snacks would be a month at a time, so I'd know what she was going to be given and could prepare her for that. (Also used it as a learning tool - "where do eggs come from?" "what sound do chickens make", etc.)

The best of luck to you - PM if there's any way I can be of assistance. - Nan

Thanks Nan, but my baby is 9 months old, so he can't understand language or be reasoned with yet. He is very upset by the change of environment, change of caregiver, and being apart from me. I hope he will get used to it eventually.

Ah, good luck! Mine was 11mos old when we first started at the family day home (the disaster). One thing I did notice, the kid understood a whole lot more of what I was saying than everyone told me she could possibly understand, so just keep talking to him.

If memory serves, and it's pretty rusty, there's a really bad "separation anxiety" period at somewhere in from 9 mos to 11mos. Inconvenient timing at best, if that's when you have to put your kid in alternate care! Best of luck to you.

[Edit] Here's a link to info on separation anxiety. http://www.baltimorepsych.com/separation_anxiety.htm

I'm sorry I did vow to stay out of this thread but can't help myself. Why would you allow your child to endure this and why do you think it's the child's job to "get used to it"?

It just makes me sad to think of your baby scratching his ears he is in such distress

Not the mom here, but I'll chime in as well anyway: I don't know of many parents who want to torture their kids intentionally - and I doubt that mysterious wishes to do so. But not everyone has the option of keeping their kids at home, or of finding an immediate "fit" for their childcare needs - especially if the child has nonstandard needs. And, quite frankly, even though it is upsetting to think about the poor little thing being unhappy, he does have to learn that his situation is what it is. That goes with the territory of being a kid. Every kid has to learn, eventually, that mommy goes away and that mommy will come back. It's hard to watch, but they do learn and they do grow through it. The ones who DON'T learn that end up having serious problems later on.

Best sentence. "The moral of the story is, there is no one-size-fits-all situation."

Now if only most people thought that way, there would be a better understanding about life itself.

Balance.

I can't quit my job. I don't really understand your question. Why would I allow my child to endure this? I can't quit my job. He has separation anxiety and doesn't like anything to change. Things are going to change in his life all the time. I would think that over time, he will get used to going to the babysitter and at least have less anxiety.

Of course I am terrified that this will scar him for life. I am afraid that he will completely shut down and stop interacting with the world. I am afraid that he will withdraw and I will 'lose' him. I am afraid that he will never get used to it. I don't think it has anything to do with this particular babysitter. He doesn't like any strangers.

My son is not a normal child. We don't have a diagnosis, but I know he is different. He is different from my first son, who never had a single moment of stranger anxiety or separation anxiety. This baby wears me down. I am his only security, and his only way to calm down.

mysterious - it will not scar your child for life. your child will learn, you will help him, and he will grow up. you're doing the best you can for your child. that's all anyone can do. they are a LOT more resilient than they appear. having a spectrum kid isn't easy, but having ANY kid isn't easy. it's that the variables are different with a spectrum kid. take it one day at a time, think outside the box, don't "expect" him to be one way or the other - just take him as he comes. you're going to do fine, just follow your gut instincts. - nan

Very true.

I know if you investigate, you can find a good place.

I'd like to add this.

If you must stay at home with your child, do what you gotta do.

If you must have your child in daycare, do what you gotta do.

Not everyone is a lumped up statistic.

All you have to do is think of your child's needs, address it before you sign the papers and make sure they won't let your kid go hungry over strict policies.

Oh and if you can afford it. Montessori school. Investigate it first though before deciding and don't let others talk you into the most convenient location or word of mouth from someone who doesn't understand what's going on in your world and your child's world.

This is the best way I can summarize my long lengthy post.

Cheers!