Sports programs and me pulling my hair out. (aspy kid)

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For a person that can't understand with over 80% of the planet (all animals included), seem to understand, she certainly seems to indicate otherwise. Look at the following quote:



She BRIBED her daughter!?!?!? Soccer is supposed to be FUN! It IS called a GAME! Unfortunately, many VERY inconsiderate people yell and scream, etc.... ALSO, many AS people have problems with such games.

BTW she DIDN"T say her "daughter didn't feel no pain. ", you're RIGHT! Freudian slip?

She strongly implied that her daughter really didn't feel any pain. And to pretend otherwise is to accuse her of torture. Of course, there IS that damning stuff like what I quoted above.

Oh, thank you, Triangular Trees - you made my day by explaining exactly what I was meaning.

My main reason for that last post was that I don't think it's fair to rip people to bits on here, especially on their first post. This is a "Parents' Discussion" and, being so, parents come on here for help and advice. I don't think many of the parents on here willfully do things to trigger their kids. We are all just trying to find our way through the maze of finding the right things to do.

I can understand that people with AS might find some of us parents frustrating at times, and that we take a while to get it. I must say that I really appreciate a lot of the feedback on here that helps explain things from an AS perspective. All I'm asking is that, when we show ignorance in what we are learning, don't judge and condemn us, just teach us gently. Have a nice day everyone.

we signed my son up for soccer when he was 7......it was a frustrating experience for the coach, as when he would tell son what to do, he would do it verbatim ( coach:"run up and down the field"....son: ok-then proceeds to just run)..

our son was not dxed at the time. looking back, soccer should have been a big clue for us.......i say just get the 4 year old off the team. there are plenty of other, quieter forums to help her with socialization.

OK..... I am going to try the teach gently request.... So while ignoring the emotions that the little girl's soccer story brings, I will put my "two cents in."

The earplug/pain issue has already been addressed to a fair extent, so I am skipping that part.

What I am surprised to see is that no one has specifically denoted the difference to the OP between an autistic meltdown and a child's tantrum. Because that is where the main issue is arising. It needs to be made clear that they are not the same, even if they look the same, therefore age-old parenting advice on how to deal with them is not the way to go. An NT child throwing a tantrum is to be ignored, because it teaches them that they cannot get things through throwing fits.

YOU NEVER IGNORE AN ASPIE IN A MELTDOWN. ok now back to gentle. It causes anxiety problems and in the future will damage your relationship with your child. Many aspies have strict rules of conduct, as a parent posted about their child and sport rules. When they see others not following these rules, they learn that those people are untrustworthy. An aspie's rules most likely will not align themselves with how you would think.

AS meltdowns are usually caused by what we call triggers, remove the triggers and the child stops having meltdowns (mostly). Meltdowns are not controllable by us, they are embarassing, and they make us tired. I will list a couple of triggers so that you know why you got flamed by a couple of previous posters.
1. Extreme Light.
2. Loud Noise for extended periods of time
3. Unasked for touching
4. Confusing circumstances (not knowing what we are supposed to be doing and still being made to try to do something)
5. Dealing with people who won't listen when we tell them something
6. Certain types of food/allergic reactions (just in case it comes up later)

Now your child actually seems bright, she tries to remove herself from the activity every time she is about to be overwhelmed. The problem is you are trying to teach a 4 year old not to give up, so you chase her back. Wait a couple more years, she might try sports on her own, who knows? She might also be a rocket scientist, with a close-knit set of friends. Either way, soccer right now isn't working.

I have two sons, one who is almost 22 and should have been on the spectrum (nobody ever picked up on his aspieness, mostly because it was too new a diagnosis when he was little), and one who is 12, and on the spectrum. Both played soccer, so I can give you an idea of what happens in the LONG RUN.

Oldest son played soccer from age 7 to age 13. He was uncoordinated and stiff in his gait, but over the years, he did actually learn to play somewhat well. He did not score, but he was great on defense by the time he turned 13 and decided to quit. We spent many years wondering why he just didn't hang with the team, why he didn't seem to have much ability, etc. Then, after all that time, the very last year of soccer he was playing much like the other guys. It is still one of his favorite sports -- and keep in mind, he didn't feel comfortable with this sport for the early years.

Youngest son played soccer for 3 years. It was miserable. He not only couldn't follow directions, but he just didn't understand the rules, wasn't interested, etc. By the time he was 8 years old, his lack of playing correctly was detrimental to the team, and therefore we felt like he should quit because he wasn't acting as if he enjoyed it, and the team might resent his non-interest in the game. He never made it super clear that he disliked the game, he was just disinterested.

We've stopped forcing the sports issue. We now lean towards music and academics, areas that are more interesting and/or easy for aspies.

The trouble with the way things are in society today is that we are forcing our kids to start sports at age 5 or earlier, before they are mature enough to be able to handle it. This is so for NT children as well as aspie children. In the old days, you would go outside and play, with no parents, in the street -- stickball, kickball, baseball, etc. You learned at a leisurely pace, with no pressure. Remember when sports were just FUN? Well, no longer. Sports are a pressure cooker for aspie children, and some NT children as well. If children could just go outside and kick a ball with their buddies on the street, then they would naturally develop sports skills and team skills. That kind of play is now part of history, and unavailable to most kids.

The irony is that NOW, at age 12, I think my son has the maturity and possibly the interest to play soccer -- but now he can't play because the other kids have been playing the sport for years and are much more adept than he would be. So it's a no-win situation for our aspie children.

Our oldest son, though, is doing fine. He is still horribly inept at most sports (good at snowboarding), but who cares? He's too busy succeeding at college and getting married to care. It all worked out just fine. And it will for your daughter as well.

Kris

We enroled my son for soccer too but it was pre dx , he went once & when he said he didnt want to go that was the end of it as the whole point of it was something which he could enjoy & if we had to force him to go then to me that defeated the object . Knowing now that he has AS I'm really glad we did as I would hate to think of all the stress we could have put on him.
The best thing we bought for our son has been a trampoline,(& enclosure) this was suggested to us by our consultant , to help his coordination & strengthen his leg muscles this has been a huge success & is great for releasing some of his stress. He's also doing fantastically well at swimming, he's in a very small group & has a very understanding instructer who always remembers to say my ds name when asking him to do something & physically demonstrates what is required so that he doesnt have to follow complicated instructions .

If you're concerned about your ds getting some excercise & social skills maybe she has something she'd really like to do that wouldnt be so stressfull as soccer which as has been explained in pre posts has so many elements in it which are intolerable for an AS kid to have to cope with.

I believe you are trying but don't have a lot of information about this subject, and you are hear looking for help! That is a start. Please keep coming back and post. Many people on the spectrum are just blunt but they are trying to help. You are trying to learn. This is the best place to learn!! I am a school psych and learn more from other people on the spectrum than in textbooks!! They have helped me so much with my son.

Honestly, I think you should pull her from soccer. That is way too much stimulus for her right now - IMO.

It is so hard for people to understand how difficult it really is if you don't deal with at least one of those issues. When you combine difficulty with coordination (common with children who are on the spectrum), all the nonverbal social cues, following directions, kids running around in many different directions (visual stimuli overload for some kids), and trying to learn the game - well that can be too much.

Ear plugs bother me more than noise. I am not AS but ADHD and have other sensory issues.

With that being said, I have wanted to put my son in soccer but he vehemently says "no!" each time. I just bought him better batter baseball and he loves it! He may want to try T ball. I am going to take him to the first practice or have him watch a game to see how he does with the noise. If he still wants to play, I will try it out. If he can't handle it due to his difficulties, I will pull him.

It's different than if you had a NT child who begged you to do soccer and then just decided he didn't want to play anymore - much different. The hard part will be discerning if the AS child wants to quit something because they just do or if it's due to their difficulty with sensory integration and social situations.

You're right! I used to be very blunt, and when I am fed up, hear too much MISPLACED sympathy/praise, or hear too much STUPIDITY, I start to get more blunt than I generally was as a little kid!

And YEP, I AM trying to help HER DAUGHTER! Unfortunately, the mother doesn't seem to be looking for help, and is thus HOPELESS!! ! It isn't "what can I do for my dear daughter?", but rather "HOW can I get my daughter to more freely submit to TORTURE!?"! She even tells how she BRIBED her daughter, etc...

Let me ask you a question! If the mother were BEATING her poor 4 year old child with a 2x4, and her daughter was already bleeding and screaming LITERAL BLOODY MURDER, would you STILL show her mother sympathy?

WHY NOT? After all, it is practically the same thing. Who knows, the child could become withdrawn, vicious, insane, and deaf! The US military has run HUGE education campaigns to try to help soldiers defend against less when they are captured and tortured!!

Anyway, I guess I have said my piece. If you don't understand this, you surely must be blind, have a reading problem, or some other deficit. I wish the daughter the very best, and hope she gets a way out.

BTW I almost called CPS on MY mother! I had the phone number, lifted the phone up, and had almost dialed the whole number. It was a REAL rotary phone, so that took a while.(0, for example, sent 10 clicks, and took perhaps 2.5 seconds, for that ONE digit! Of course, 1 only took about 1 second.(There WAS a guard time.) TODAY'S phones send two frequencies at the same time, and probably send out about 4 digits a second, so a large number could be typed in less than 3 seconds!) When that happened, I wasn't even 10 yet. I succumbed to her statement that I may end up at an even WORSE home. Then again, MY torture was basically emotional. I'll always wonder what might have happened. If that was a DTMF phone, like today's, I would ALREADY have started talking to someone on the other end.

My fiancee has Aspergers. She finds it very distressing to be in crowded situations with much noise. She has never liked sport. I think it's cruel to force a 4 year old to play sport if they don't want to, whether they are Aspie or not. There's other ways of getting exercise, such as walking. The mother could take her child for some long walks instead of stressing and trying to force her into situations where she will be bombarded with adverse stimuli.