who here is homeschooling?

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i homeschool. i'm the aspie though. this is the first time i've checked this area because i'm an aspie trying to raise three kids.

i'm really struggling keeping the schooling going right now. i'm trying so hard to get back on track.

yesterday i had a blow out fight with my almost 15 year old son over the schooling. i'm just struggling so much right now.
april

Aprillove: why did you have the fight with your son? What is really causing the problem getting on track? How long have you been homeschooling?

You mention getting back on track - perhaps you need to take it slowly?

There are several forums and mail lists specifically for homeschooling. I'm sorta new at this but I learned a lot about talking to my Aspie from this forum while learning how to try and relax and teach my son from other forums.

Good luck! I hope it turns around for you.

i've pretty well homeschooled the whole time. my daughter (now 16) went to a private school partially for K, then homeschooled the rest of that year. the next year she was in a private school for 1st grade and my son benjamin in K, but this school was an absolute joke. i homeschooled them during my maternity leave and then just considered that year a total waste outside of that.

benjamin is almost 15. it really boils down to he's stubborn and headstrong. always has been. he's normally a great kid and in many ways very mature. but he has always had a temper and has always wanted his way to an extreme. i have butted heads with him all along. he's smart as a whip, but i have to fight like h*** to get him to do school work. if he doesn't want to do something, you'd better be ready for a battle. it's been this way all his life.

it boils down to he doesn't want to have to do school. he wants to work and have his freedom. and it doesn't help that he keeps hanging around these kids that are in this program at the public school where they only go for two classes a day and then run around the rest of the day. they are supposed to work, but they don't always do that. so now benjamin wants to go to ps and be in this program. i've done told him no. even if he went to ps i would not allow him to be in this program because it's cheating the kids out of an education. i don't even know how they can legally give these kids a diploma. this one kid has at least claimed to be in this program since his freshman year. so that means that for four years of high school, he's only had a total of 8 classes. there's no way you can meet the state requirements with just that.

benjamin and i have already been rounds because he's running around. the kid that's in this program kept coming over after he got done with work because he didn't have to go to school and benjamin was homeschooled. benjamin wouldn't tell him to leave because he had school, so steve had to go out and tell him. that pissed benjamin off. then he asked if he could go to town and cash his check with this kid (i think this was right before steve told him not to come over during school hours). i told him yes but no running around. sure enough, they went out to eat and went over to his house. so i told him he couldn't go out any more with this kid. well the next day benjamin needs gas to get to work. then later he says another guy (this one is 25 and i trust him a bit more) wants him to run to town and get a dog kennel with him and could he go so he could get the gas. he said that this guy had to be at work at 1, so they would be back at 12:30. (it was only like 45 minutes). so since i knew i would've had to go out and get gas i allowed it. well, he's not home until 1:30, then he gets home and is riding four wheelers with the other kid.

so this started a huge argument. i told the other kid to leave which really got to benjamin. basically benjamin lied. he didn't bother to tell me it was this hs kid and not the older one. i think they just used the older one so that benjamin could get out. and then instead of going to "town" (which for over ten years has meant the town just a few miles from us), they went to another town, but that was okay in benjamin's eyes because he went to a town. he had an excuse for everythign and i wouldn't let him get away with it. huge, huge argument.

so then here comes this week where i'm really trying to get school going. he's mad right from the start. doesn't want to do typing. he wants to do what he wants to do. etc.

well, he finally settles down and goes to his room and starts working (by the way, his room is detached from the house). so he brings his work in and i'm grading it and i can tell that he's not doing an hour for science and social studies. he had already claimed to do one day's worth of work for social studies, then later brought in math, science, and social studies saying he had done those. for english and math, there are defined days. i know if they do it or not. but for science and social studies it's not so easy, so i ask them to work an hour on each of those. first there was no way he could've because the time wouldn't add up, plus i could tell by the amount of work he got done that he wasn't doing it.

so i call him in. it's war right from the start. i told him to bring his schoolwork in because he was doing it in the house at the game table. it's a fight. he finally gets in but says he's doing it in the kitchen. i say no, at the game table. at this point he's literally cussing me out and saying he hates me. i say fine, hate me, but he's doing his schoolwork. but i want his phone. he starts in on not giving it to me because it's his--he bought it and he pays the bill. i say too bad, he's a minor, the cotract is in my name, and so give it up. he does but then he's like, i'm talking to dad (i think steve was in the shower when all this was going on). he comes and parks his butt in my desk chair. i say no. he will do what i say. he just kept on and on and on, and i wouldn't buy his bull.

basically he first said that he didn't do an hour on each subject but that christian never does either, so that's somehow okay. i said no, christian does do an hour on each one--her room is in the house so i know. and even if she didn't, that's between me and her. then he's like, well i did 45 minutes on each one and that's good enough. no it's not. then he goes on that i expect too much out of him, that what he does is never good enough. i don't let him get away with that. so then he goes on to say i don't expect christian to get this much done. well that's true. christian is ADD and her iq is in the low-mid 80's. so when i say they each do an hour on a subject, christian generally will not get near as much done as him, but not because she hasn't worked. benjamin doesn't have ADD and has an above average iq (he hasn't had an iq test, but it's obvious). and this is not a new situation in regards to his sister. she has had language delays right from the start (thanks to lead poisoning). even though benjamin's a year younger, he was always ahead of her in language skills. christian was formally diagnosised with ADD in fifth grade, but we knew it all along. so this stuff benjamin is bringing up is old news. it's just excuses.

so basically me and benjamin were super into it by the time steve gets there. he did stand firm in what i said, which is good, but because steve's had so many problems lately, that was about all he could offer. i majorly grounded benjamin and with his dad there he did settle down and do schoolwork.

later steve tried to talk to him. benjamin kept saying he wants to do what he wants. he doesn't want to do school. he has to do typing and doesn't want to because he won't need it for trade school and i expect too much out of him and it's never good enough for me. i nearly lost it. i told steve that when it comes to typing, he doesn't even have a curriculum. i have a computer program that helps them learn how to type and all i ask is that they (the older two kids) spend 30 minutes a day on the computer with the typing program. i NEVER grade them on it. all i ask is that they try. all i want is for them to know the keyboard well enough so that they can get by. there is no grade for typing--it's pass/fail.

steve couldn't believe that benjamin was griping about that. benjamin makes it sound like it's so bad, but when the truth comes out, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. steve kept saying that he wished someone would've pushed him in school (he only finished the 6th grade) and telling benjamin about real life. he said too that he does need to know typing, that it was super hard for him on the job because he didn't know a keyboard at all (and steve only had manuel labor jobs). he really tried to back me up.

then benjamin goes on about that program at the ps. i told him that even if he went to ps that i would not allow him to be in that program because it was cheating his education. he starts to go on about that but i wouldn't let him. i said like it or not, i do know about education (my license is about to run out, but i have a degree in education).

it was all bull. i know that it's stressful right now, i know he's had to deal with his father's problems, i know he's got a mom with aspergers, but it's mainly that he wants what he wants when he wants it.

plus he has no respect for me. it kills me that steve has done all this s*** and benjamin has more respect for him that for me. steve keeps trying to talk to him about that, but it's not going through. benjamin sees me as a lazy a** b****. he knows i was severly abused as a kid, he knows i was kidnapped, he knows i have aspergers, but none of it matters to him. i'm still a lazy a** b****. and he's ashamed of me. he says so himself. it kills me. steve has been a phantom for going on 6 years now (mental illness/addiction). i've done everything i could to keep this family together, and i'm the b****.

but like i said, it's not all that. benjamin has been this way from day one. he's a great kid. people are amazed at how mature he is. but make him do something he don't want to and he will fight tooth and nail. part of why i homeschooled was i knew that neither of my two older kids would make it in ps. christian would have been retained one or two times and then socially promoted. benjamin would have been in so much trouble that they would have gave up on him. and i know that makes him sound bad. and that's the crazy thing--he's not a bad kid. adults love to be around him because he is so mature. the farmers around here have so much respect for him. i know part of it too is that we really had to be firm with him through the years and that has helped a lot. he's a good kid, and yet it's like he can change in a snap. and it's the way it's always been with him. in fact most people wouldn't even believe me if i told them how benjamin was acting. when he was in private school i prepared them for that. they didn't believe me. then about halfway through the year there was a woman that made him work, and then they saw it.

i don't know.
april

Wow, April.

You are having a tough time with Benjamin. He is one strong-willed teenager, isn't he?

Have you read a book called The Explosive Child written by Ross Greene? He has a system of deciding which issues are more important than others and strictly enforcing the most important ones, letting go of the least important ones and negotiating about the rest. It has helped me with my daughter, but she is not a teenager yet and I do not home-school her.

Here is the book, in case you are interested:

http://www.explosivechild.com/books/index.html

After butting heads with my son I decided to not sweat the small stuff, negotiate on other things and stand firm on what was most important. However I always include him on the decision making process. When he is able to be a part of it he is more willing to go along with it. Thanks for the book, it is on my to do list. Applying this technique may seem like he is getting away with a lot but it gives you both peace and allows you to get thing accomplished.

There was a time if I said the sky was blue my son would say it was green. I home school and I admit it can be difficult to be Mom and Teacher but what I've learned that keeps peace in the house is to negotiate. We also have a time to talk about anything he feels liking talking about without there being any consequences. This is our time to touch base with each other and to see what is working and what is not.

April I would give anything for my son to have friends. We can only give our children the information to make the best choices and I'm sure you've done that. I am increasingly giving my son more responsiblities and independence. I want him to know I trust that he'll do the right thing. But to my son. I'm probably going to be the over protective pain in the rear MOM who loves him dearly.

Good Luck

thanks for the suggestions. i haven't read explosive child (hadn't even heard of it before). i do have to pick and choose my battles with benjamin--some things just aren't worth it. i think it is when i stand firm in something (that he is opposed to) that we have these blow outs. but school is definitely a priority. that's why normally if he does his school work, i don't care where he does it.

i think once he gets in the trade he wants, he'll do fine in that regards, but i do worry about relationships.

april

homeschooling a 12 yr old AS son.....mostly for reasons having nothing to do with typical reasons for homeschooling. Main reasons include teachers who refused to accept his difficulties and abused him in class (or more accurately: schools claiming to be able to handle him who proved they couldn't and had no ability to) AND because of his ever growing rages, meltdowns, and emotional problems we didn't want him getting thrown out of school after school and destroying any chance he might have of a college education in the future because of the dreaded "bad school record."

Barkway - that's exactly why we're homeschooling. While Alex was a handful before, we no longer recognized the violent, raging boy that started coming home from that school.

We brought him home and have worked to stabilize his environment, offer him guided educational opportunities to keep him interested and involved and he's even beginning to pick up a pencil (always a difficult thing for him).

He is making wonderful progress. My in-laws thought I was nuts at first when I blamed the school for creating the *monster* - two months later they realize I was right.

I started homeschooling my almost 13 yo aspie son this year, and it's the best thing I could have done for him.
He has multiple problems (one of which was undiagnosed dyslexia) and I fought the school for years trying to get him taught properly. I even had an Aspergers specialist write up behavior plans that the school failed to enforce....I had the state ed department at that school constantly, and to make a long story short, at the end of last year after spending the last 2 years in special ed classes I was told that he was ret*d and needed to be in a life skills only class with a full time therapist to ease him thorugh his every moments!
I haven't been able to work for a few years due to physical problems, but I use to be a teacher, and after he became sucidal at the end of the year....and having 2 or 3 meltdowns daily at school, I decided to make the leap and home school.
Before I forget, I found this Yahoo group (they must approve your membership if you want to join) but they are a group of home schoolers with AS kids! I can't tell you how much they have helped me.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASLearningAtHome/

Anyway, now we work in between crisis's and get done what we can (he's still on a 3rd grade level work wise) and the school doesn't give me a hard time.....they're still thankfull I haven't sued them for gross misconduct.
Paul hasn't had a single meltdown since, has been learning to read, mastered many computer skills, and most importantly learned that he isn't stupid or ret*d. We now have a goal.....to design computer games, where as last year his future included life skills only classes or group homes.
I am a single mother, and an aspie to boot. School was hell for me, and I was an A student. BUt I was a social outcast, and by homeschooling I am able to spare him from all of that. Those of you that are aspies know what I mean.

We are now finishing up our third try at homeschooling. I am very sad that I can not make this work. My son has an IQ of 135 and does not want to learn. In public school he is a straight A student, he understands the first time and gets bored when the lesson has to be taught over and over to those who have a hard time understanding. At home he is the same way so I do push and try to do more than one lesson a day in some subjects. If I stuck with just one lesson, our school time would be over in less than an hour. This year was are going to go with an IEP. I am hoping that is the answer to our problems.

And schooling in an hour is not good? At the college level, they generally spend 3 hours a week on any one academic subject. If gets math in 10 minutes and the rest of the class needs 50 minutes, then he's only probably getting an hour a day at public school anyway.

It's interesting to see this come up again and read some of my comments from months ago.

My son has decided to go the unschooling route and now with all the Back-to-School ads, he's starting to think about learning again. He's on his summer vacation, so it's been a very easy going summer, but he was at the library the other day and brought home a stack of books (a good portion of a public school day does include reading) and now he wants to borrow Grandma's typewriter and actually write a story. We've decided we'll go in a week or so and check out some books and topics and things he might want to start learning once the other kids go back.

And, he's learning all the time - maybe not the pencil to the little dots learning of public school, but he sure knew exactly what he was talking about when we visited a friend's farm and he discussed how cows eat and digest their food.