Still blamed by my mother for my son having autism...or not.

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What about taking her along to an allergy appointment? Maybe the doctor can do a one-on-one discussion of the ramifications of giving foods that are bad for your child.

Ouch, not sure what to say in this instance... I know your son loves her but you may have to just cut ties if she is causing you and your son more harm than good. Gosh, easier said than done, not sure what else to say in this situation

This manipulation and disrespect, blame-laying, trash-talking, self-aggrandizing and refusing to listen, coupled with behaving so differently towards your brother and his family, has a whiff of that B-Cluster Personality Disorder thing on it. Very likely not a full-fledged illness in the case of Grandmother here, but BPDFamily.com's documents and message-board about how to cope with that sort of behavior may prove helpful. Pretty much saved my partnership from the evil sly confusing mechanations of my mother-in-law.

I think what is difficult here is that the child adores his grandmother. Cutting her out of his life would be harmful to him in a different way.

I think my family was skeptical of some of my choices with my son until they had an opportunity to see for themselves what I was talking about. Then they got it. I can't suggest that you make such an incident happen, or even plan to allow it, but it would help quite a bit.

Odds are that your mother is not trying to harm anyone. She simply does not believe the potential reactions are that dangerous.

I know your mother has never been fair to you, and it is so sad when that happens, but if you are looking for what is best for your child, you will separate those feelings (um, not so easy, I know) from the rest of it, and sit down with her and find a way to help her understand how seriously you take these issues, and that failure to resolve them will result in you feeling that you have no answer other than to move away again and reduce contact. Say it nicely, that of course you don't want that to happen, but that her lack of respect for the reseach and study and work you've done on behalf on your child is THAT difficult for you to live with. Then maybe she'll finally get it.

What a #$%^&* thing to say. If the son is diagnosed as being alergic to milk, the grandmother has NO right to give the child milk, etc... What if he really was, or perhaps is, allergic? And it is proven FACT that foods can affect peoples health/mood under the right circumstances.

Then she shouldn't be allowed around kids! Milk problems can vary from minor stomach discomfort and intestinal problems(That can take minutes to a day to occur) to DEATH(that could take a long time, of course it could be quick also). If he shows a reaction to milk, they should try to narrow it down and determine the scope of the problem.

My point is that it may even take a while for the BOY to connect. The grandmother may NEVER connect it! The mother might connect things even her son doesn't if she is detached, observant, and unbiased.

BTW, whatamess, just tell your grandmother that if she doesn't care about your Son, she isn't allowed to be alone with him, etc...

Thanks so much for all your replies...It brings me peace to know that I am not being a witch.

Actually, one time when we lived out of the country we came to visit. We went out for the day to help some friends that were moving...she kept our kiddo all day...We ALWAYS take foods he can eat, and that he likes to eat at our house...but she has a pantry for of garbage at hers...Anyway, when we arrived in the evening, my kiddo was sleeping...about 20 minutes after I arrived I heard him coughing...when I went to him, he could barely breathe!! ! I screamed at my husband to take us to the ER, as I was trying to give him his asthma medication...My kiddo just kept crying and saying "oh mama, oh mama..." the entire way to the hospital...He had a major asthma attack...by the way, when I arrived at her house she told me how WELL he ate...he had a cheese sandwhich for lunch, other junk the rest of the day, then a cheese omelett, milk, etc...In the hospital I about lost it when she walked into the room...I told her it was HER fault and of course, she snapped back saying it wasn't...This was over a year ago...After that we didn't talk for months...Until she decided that she would be nice and not do this again...

Obviously, nothing has changed...I have disconnected as much as I can...and as someone said, I am stuck in what do I do?

She will NOT watch him at our house, that's too inconvenient for her...actually, when we go over she really doesn't do much with him except give him some toys and the TV...anyway, when we moved here everytime I went to the grocery, I would take stuff to HER house that my kiddo could eat...She never gave it to him with the excuse of "he didn't want that, he wanted Raviolis, he wanted a cheese sandwhich"...blah, blah...

Anyway, there you go...thanks again for all your advice and thoughts...

OK, it sounds like she's an idiot. I would not leave your son with her unsupervised. She never admitted in any way that emergency room could have been her fault? WOW.

I am so sorry it is that way. It really does sound like you've done all you can. Sorry I wasn't sure after the earlier posts, but I hear it loud and clear now.

ok then why don't you just drink water and eat fruits/vegetable for the rest of ur life put urself on ur kids diet or else your a hypcrit imo

You need to find another babysitter, so you don't feel like you need her for anything. It sounds like she's on a power trip and probably "enjoys" withholding the babysitting that she so freely offered before you moved to be close to her.

You can meet other homeschoolers in your area who are willing to babysit.

I guess you missed the later post about her son having trouble breathing and having to go to the emergency room?

Sometimes the choices aren't that great, but you've got to live with them. Um, foods outside the restricted diet and emergency room, or restricted diet? Logic says the later, doesn't it?

We aren't discussing some bizarre diet the parent hopes will improve her child's condition. We are talking about documented allergic reactions with severe consequences that I am sure the child prefers to never experience again.

We aren't our kids. While many parents will put themselves on the same restricted diet as their kids so that their kids will feel better about it, the reality is that each individual in this world has his own burdens to bear, and they are different for all of us. Shall I wear glasses all day just because my daughter now must? Shall I cripple my hands because my son's are? Am I hypocrit that I don't? Or is the fact that I am hearing impaired and wearing hearing aids a fair offset?

what im saying is im sick of all these ppl claiming a guten free diet is great news for autism

IMO its a load of crap

how about parents PUT themselves on the gluten diet since it has such good results U GO ON IT and DO IT

and the kid seems perfectly fine eating cheese he obviously can speak for himself

if im allergic to something I don't eat it, I don'tr like the taste of it and i dont like the side effects then thats that.

This kid sounds like he loves cheese and milk and can tolerate it pretty well considering he keeps eating it an is not dead

Not dead, but in need of the emergency room after eating it all day. If the parents hadn't picked the child up and noticed he was having trouble breathing, would he still be alive?

I understand the thing about the gluten free diet. That I do. But this parent has made it clear to me she is talking about something much more serious and real.

I'm so sorry. People did this to my parents, including my grandmother, who decided it was their fault I was weird and basically ruined their place in the community by spreading rumors about them being crazy attention-seeking liars.

ProtossX, some of us aren't as "high functioning" ( ) as you so autistic children often don't understand that they are allergic. Peanuts put me into anaphalatic shock but for the first few years of my life I always tried to find and eat them. I just couldn't understand the connection.
I realize from reading your other posts -say, the ones where you attack people who can't physically control their bowels because 'they're not trying hard enough' - that this is difficult for you, but please actually TRY to understand what others are going through once in a while.

ProtossX...I don't think you understand or read my post.

I have one test done at 3 years of age, before ANYONE said anything about autism to us at all that shows he was allergic to milk. This test was done because of his constant ear infections, upper respiratory infections and asthma (which they would not diagnose until the test was completed). That test also has a "sensitivity" to wheat, but at that time we were ONLY told to keep him away from milk.

The second test I have was done just 3 months ago. He was diagnosed with autism at the age of 5, he is now 7. This test ALSO shows he is allergic to milk...and sensitive to wheat. The only difference between when he was 3 and now is that at 3 we were ONLY told to keep him away from milk. Now at 7 we are told to keep him away from milk and anything else he is sensitive to long enough for his system to heal...

By the way, I was out with one of my best friends, who is also a friend of my mom and we went by a fast food to pick up a drink/fries...(no, not for my kiddo, he had already eaten)...anyway, my friend says, "look, there's your mom with such and such..." My kiddo notices and of course, they say hi and to come in to sit with them...So, I figured, what the heck, we're in public, let's go...

Guess what? My mother's friend says to me, "you know, I have a friend who also has a son with autism...he has done so well, he is in regular school, blah, blah...and she knows so much...blah, blah...and remember such and such (an old friend from highschool)...she ALSO has a kiddo with autism and she contacted this person and this person knows so much and helped her out and her kid is doing great now too...even his allergies are mostly gone now...if not completely...

I said, "really, that's great...so what did she do?" She says to me, "can I have her call you? because I know she talked some about taking away milk from him and that she found he had a bunch of allergies, even to preservatives and food colorings...but after taking all this stuff away for about a year or so, he is doing great now!" My mother of course then said to me, "but, didn't one doctor say he had ADHD and NOT autism??? I about lost it...but I kept my cool and told her friend, "have your friend call me...I will be happy to talk to her, I can almost assure you that her kiddo had the same allergies my kiddo has to milk, etc...it's just that nobody believes that I know what I'm talking about...Oh, by the way MOTHER, the one who did the latest test on my son for the allergies was that doctor YOU said was on TV and he was very knowledgeable and YOU gave me his phone number..."

sigh...whatever, sick of it and done...but funny how her friend, who of course has always though I was an idiot thanks to my mother, basically said the SAME thing I have been saying to my mother, but she never listened to me...

so hard to deal with moms sometimes.......don't talk to mine anymore