Hubby and I just had a huge fight.

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Another possibility struck me, as you talked about how your husband insists things be done his way: he could be undiagnosed Aspie, and in total denial. The control thing can be very Aspie. If your husband sees himself in his son, he may be denying the condition in the child in order to deny the condition in himself. I don't know your husband or much about him, just throwing that out there.

Picklejah,

It doesn't sound to me like your husband will accept Aspergers so there's no point wasting your breath trying to convince him. Similarly, you both (and your son too) need the family to be a unit. So fighting amongst yourselves is unproductive.

It's quite probable that your husband was lashing out in frustration but at the same time, he's made it clear that things are upsetting him.

So...

1. You probably need some time out by yourselves. (get a babysitter in for a night).

2. Make a list of what you both see the problems as (problems, not symptoms)
- Aspergers isn't a problem but mucking up in class is.
- Not being able to write sentences could be a problem.

Then... write down a positive and negative way of fixing both (your husband sounds negative, so you need to cater for it).

eg:
Negative: Force him to do more writing
Positive: Offer rewards for writing

Think about the effects both positive and negative of these approaches on your son. How would he react and would it help or hinder. You might need to choose a variety of techniques - or middle ground.

Discuss also if your son needs help from outside sources - eg: if the teachers aren't doing enough, how about a tutor etc...

Eventually (hopefully) your husband will come around to seeing that your therapies etc are helpful. He doesn't need to use the word aspergers - who cares what the label is called anyway. It's the assistance and motivation provided that's important really.


Good luck.

I don't know where to start here.....When my 9 year old daughter started school, at 5, the teacher started informing us of problems in the classroom(typical ADHD). Let's just say I was not convinced, and just keep saying that I was the same way, and out grew it yadda, yadda.....but I trusted my wife to make the right decision and we got a DX of ADHD from her Ped and started her on meds.....Of course to my chagrin. Well this made a world of difference in her performance and to make a long story short, after talking to my own family physcian about some of the experiences he had with his own family, I was convinced that this wasn't all BS.
Even though we saw a vast improvement in her school work it wasn't to long before the school noticed that she was having problems getting along with other children. She prefered to be with adults and do ritualistic things like collect rocks and junk around the playground during recess. My wife started talking about Aspergers....Well I had never heard of it before and of course was back on the BS bandwagon. We had her evaluated and she was diagnosed with AS. OK, I found this to be very difficult to accept.

Picklejah,
You know what changed my perspective?

I started researching AS on the internet. Being a very visual person(Architect) I was drawn to some of the things I saw on "You Tube". I could see my daughter in some of the people nice enough to post their personal experiences. Hey! I just wanted to have what I considered a "NORMAL" (NT) family. It was awhile before I could except it....but I'm getting there.
BTW, I started going to a mens therapy group to help me work through this. It's amazing how much help I get from that....Just remember, I'm not defending your husband, but the whole perspective of this is different for a man....And the money!! !! ! Social groups, OP......Well, that's a different discussion altogether and that can wait for later.

Good Luck, Jeff

This is TOTALLY what I think.

Sometimes he reasons that he turned out successful and XYZ worked for him, so DO IT!

But my husband is not social at all. Husband does not have friends and he blames me for that (which I totally don't get).

Fortunately, I still take my son places (museums, Cub Scouts, boys groups, etc.). He loves going places most of the time! YAY! My husband just stays home.

........ the things you learn after many years of learning about someone.

we didn't find out my hubby was AS until son got dxed at age 13. ....what a stressful summer that was ! !! !! !! !

just keep reinforcing the fact that not every thing works for every body.....