3.4 am I being unreasonable?

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As someone who really struggled with math in school, and who had to deal with the AS issues of being bullied, a few thoughts from experience...

Be sure to take a look at the environment in the school--not just being involved, but knowing what's going on during your son's school day that does not involve a reprot card. My mom was also very active in the school for several years, but when I was in middle school (third marking period of 8th grade to be specific) my math grade tanked, and I missed honor roll for the only marking period from grades 2 through 12, as a result of the worst bullying and harassment I had ever experienced in my entire life. I was getting jumped on by groups of students after school. I was being called "the class f[expletive censored]", and if anyone tried to be my friend they would receive similar treatment (ironically, one of my few friends back then was in Special Ed and likely also on the spectrum, and I even got bullied for being friends with him!).

Also, if your son is in the higher grades, I'd take a look at the math class options which are available. My high school had 3 levels of math: Regular, Honors, and AP/High Honors. The first few years of school my parents decided to do what all the other parents in our corner of town did, and force me into the highest level of classes (High Honors/AP). That didn't work, even though I had usually aced regular math up until 8th grade (the first year accelerated classes were available), I struggled to maintain a C in Accelerated-track Algebras I and II, despite putting in two or three times as many hours as I ever had before for any class before. Thankfully, for Junior and Senior year of high school, my parents allowed me to bump down a notch and take Honors level pre-calc and calc instead of High Honors/AP. I kinda achieved nirvana between challenge of the class and grades, and it saved me a LOT of hours of misery, hours which I could devote to improving grades in other classes (sophomore year of high school, I got Bs in classes I could've gotten As in as a direct result of wasting all my time in Algebra II High Honors Hell). My GPA shot up by almost a half a point as a result, and I was a LOT happier. The fact that the teacher for this class ran an EXTREMELY tightly-structured and strict classroom helped too. I don't know if your son is in any sort of advanced program, or if your school even offers it for his grade, but my point is to look at the math options available, because there may be a better fit for him.

And don't punish your son if there's even the slightest hint of bullying--as Aspie1 already pointed out, you might end up shutting off the outlets he's using to vent any frustrations during the school day, and that, for lack of a better word, is counterproductive. Instead, I'd recommend a reward if he can pull his C up to a B (and a bigger one if he can get an A), announced way in advance--it wouldn't have been able to bring my C in Algebra II up to an A on its own, but if you do it along with a solution to the root problem, it'll definately boost self-esteem.

BEE BEE~ I just wanted to say Sorry! I did not mean to hurt feeling or to say special ed is bad. In our school Special Ed is a seperate Class for kids with greater disabilitys that is why I would never allow them to put him there, every mommy knows what is best for their kids and I am Positive that you are doing whats best!

I couldn't agree more!

I have to agree with this also I would much rather my child be in a non-inclusive classroom and actually LEARN something than stuffing him in a general ed class ( which they are trying to do even though they have the documentation that it doesn't work ) because they want him to be with the other kids and like school. I know kids need friends but I would much rather find some other way than sticking him in an uncomfortable situation and not learning anything on top of it just so he likes being there. My son likes chocloate too but it doesn't mean he gets it every day just to make him happy!

I have to say that I know how you feel about you're son's grades. My son is also in 5th Grade and I know that in the right environment he would get all grade A's he is so bright when he is encouraged and people believe in him, but under stress his concentraion is poor and he gets easily distracted. People very quickly come to the conclusion that he is slow, a bit wierd, or thick etc, etc. the words my son loves the most to get him going is "you can do it Dan". When he tries to increase the speed that he does things his writing is barely legible, but it is correct. But practice with him at home, not to work under pressure, but to work neatly let him correct his own mistakes, for a period of time and if you've got the time it has to be intensive and then ease up. It has really worked for my son, well, by the grace of god go us all. Your son is so lucky to have you. I hope I don't sound to presumptious but when the pressure really takes a hold of you which I suspect it does, just practice laughing with your son or sons, challenge your responses, do you really need to feel that low. I don't mean do nothing, but feeling angry, upset or dispairing when you do something doen't make you do it better, it doesn't need to feel like a battle against the world, you can do the same things with a lighter heart. Hope you understand, a little bit babbling.

take care

Eromi

I understand that too. I faced alot of that in school as well, and the stress I was constantly under in school from bullying and other social pressures made it hard to concentrate or think. The lack of support at home, often getting screamed at for being lazy, acting goofy(I still don't know what I did that was so bad), and needing to learn to get along with others didn't help me either. The only times I ever said anything bad to anyone was in self defense, when they started tormenting me.

My parents used to scream at me when I brought home a bad grade and often took away my TV, radio, etc. as punishment. Because this would often happen, I'd have anxiety on tests and assignments, because I didn't want the few things I had that gave me some relief taken away. They would take it away for weeks or months, even took them away for a whole summer vacation one year, but it didn't make me have any more respect for them or the education system.

My sister never had social problems like I did and if she got bad grades, it was always the school's fault and they'd be down there raising hell. I remember the year they punished me for the entire summer, they went down to the school board and raised hell about my sister's grades(she got some C's) and the school board for some reason, changed the grades to A's while my C grades netted a punishment.

I still think even now one reason they were so harsh with me was that I was so different than my sister, even though we were close in age. I had just wished they'd realized I wasn't her(I'm not even female), had been more supportive of me like they were of her, and maybe things would have been better for me. I used to think the problem was girls and boys are extremely different in terms of socialization, but now that I've heard of AS, I think it was more.

That's EXACTLY how my experience was, except that the age difference between me and my sister was so large, that we didn't go to school at the same time. Anyway, my parents punished me like there was no tomorrow. I viewed my relationship with them as a battleground: their goal was to give the most punishment (after all, they can), while my goal was to get the least punishment through any means necessary. The "winner" was determined by what grades I got. As for most of you, this resulted in extreme anxiety on tests and report cards. I even had a suicide plan ready, in case the punishment they decided to give was too severe.

Parents, if you're thinking about punishing your kids for bad grades, read my post. Then read it again. And again. Do not put them through the hell I went through.

I understand how you feel. Another thing that wasn't tolerated was failure of any kind. There were activities in school I wanted to try out for but knew if I wasn't accepted to them, all hell would break loose at home. The result was I didn't try because that got me the least punishment. I can remember when my sister was cut from her high school swim team, my mother raised hell all the way to the principal about it. Considering my sister had never been on a competitive swim team in her life, I can understand her getting cut. I was afraid of high school because my mother had already made it clear that I was going to be on that team. Thank goodness they sent me to a differen high school that had no swim team.

In my case though, there were times when good grades weren't enough. They didn't like the fact I wasn't picked for honor socieities and the like. They said that often happened because I didn't have personality. I just couldn't win.

My sister and I were around a 1 1/2 years apart, yet we were totally different. My parents thought because she went in one direction and I went in another(I was the younger), that I was the one with the problems. They tried forcing me to do what she did and follow in her footsteps, which I didn't want to do. If you read my post on when my parents forced swimming on me, you'll understand some of what I say.

WHen my sister got bad grades though, it wasn't her fault, it was the school's fault. When someone would pick on her, again, not her fault. I used to think they'd do the same for me, but my grades always came back on me. My inability to process the concept of double standards didn't help me much. I could never figure out why the rules were different for me, or even what the different rules were. They made them up as they went along.



I tend to think this doesn't work for most kids. In most schools, public and private, you have to be a 100% advocate of your child. They rarely have your child's best interests at heart.

We made that mistake with our son, I have changed my way of thinking and am adovating for my son in school. No more punishments for school if the teachers and staff do take heed with what I have given them about AS. My son is more relaxed now and yes home is not a battlefield but a safe haven for him. Our relationship has improved 100%. So I would also tell parents as you do to really think before they punish and blame the AS child.

I personally thank you for posting it may give alot of insight to many people.

Lady, you are too obsessive ; your child's GPA does not even matter until four or five years/(grades levels) from now. He is in the 5th grade? let him work at his pace and maybe get a tutor in math but do not act so drastic.

listen to momofanspie post again and again

It's great you are advocating for your son now. The fact that home is now a safe haven will help his performance I'm sure. That was one of the problems I had was home went from being a relatively safe haven to being a battlefield. At school, I was always tormented for being different and at home, tormented for not being my sister. At one time, it wasn't like that but then my parents changed.

I think many parents have other agendas for punishing their children that are different what they tell the children they are being punished for and the children see this. The result is the punishment is not effective at all and the children question their parents' motives every time they hand down a punishment, so even legitimate discipline become ineffective. I know it was that way in my home.

My Maggie dropped 2 grades like that in math. I demanded to see all of her tests and it turned out she was missing one concept but that concept followed through on all the tests. It brought down her grade ans confidence in the subject drastically. We worked on the concept and have it down now and she is back to A's.

I'd request the tests and double check them yourself. Oh and there were also 3 mistakes that the teacher made in grading the tests that brought her grade up a little. Turned one test grade from a C to a B.

Hang in there.

I don't think you are being too hard or obsessive, just rightly concerned.

Kelly

Thanks Kelly!
I know what you mean about confidence, Vladi is very critical of himself when it come to school. he missed Honor Roll by .10. I hap a revised IEP meeting and we decided that the math tests will continue to be timed BUT he will get extra time to make sure his answers are legible and he gets to sit in a quite place with no distraction to do it. I belive this will help

If Math is one of your son's favorite subjects, and you don't want him to get discouraged because of a grade, consider involving him in activities that use his Math/analytical skills in fun ways outside of school. Robotics (e.g., www.usfirst.org ), little electronics projects (e.g., www.makezine.com), chess, Mensa math and logic puzzle books, geocaching (www.geocaching.com), or cryptography, to name a few ideas.

Lots of education happens outside of school, and lots of feedback about our successes and failures come outside of school. So my suggestion is to move on past the progress report, have some fun, and learn as you go along.

great idea ! there are also plenty of homework websites that offer math games.

Thanks MsDenver1!
yup he already plays chess and is in the Chess club, I am DEFINAtely checking those out!