My son has started to hurt himself

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LarissaM, delighted that you seem to be able now to try some new strategies. My son was pulling his hair out, twiddling it until it got soooo knotted that it either fell out or got pulled! When he wasn't doing that he was licking his lips sooo badly, his mouth was just one big sore, that and headbanging was a nasty combination. For him his saving grace was picking up a guitar..........keeps his brain busy, hands busy and AWAY from his hair...........actually now he doesn't dare touch his hair as he is growing it, typical Rock God!!

So finding something else for his busy hands, fingers and brain is always good. And YES laughter is great, it distracts the brain for long enough to either delay or slow down the stim.

It is terrible trying to find STRONG stimming aids..................in the meantime have you tried converting your house into a Sensory room lol!! I have managed to reduce a lot of the problem by using fairy lights instead of central lights (I am terribly photosensitive as are a lot of the kids), Lava lamps, Fibre optics, bubble lamps are all really great. Also I am forever buying headphones as we find plugging into an ipod or stereo really comforting. Plenty of fluffy soft textures too are great. Bean bags etc. Without spending a fortune you can reduce some of the sensory overload.

Once YOU and HE gets to know WHAT his precise needs and difficulties are you can make adaptations. It is just the same for someone in a wheelchair, we don't expect them to take a shower without special adaptations so why expect a child on the spectrum to cope with major sensory issues when they have no way of shielding themselves?

Good luck I am sure you have plenty to be going on with now! That is what is great about WP, there is always so much help.

Prof Attwood MY HERO, says that he learns most from the his professors (his patients ON THE SPECTRUM!!)
How lovely is that, at last someone important listening to US!

I just wanted to update everyone that my son is doing a little better over the past five days. He has only had one head-banging meltdown, which he was able to pull himself out of after about an hour.

We are closely following the plan from his psychologist which involves encouraging habit reversal, use of coping strategies, a prevention and reactive plan, and a high-motivation for him to participate. I know it sounds really behavioral and it is, but there are many sensory elements and respect for his temperament woven throughout our entire lifestyle and this plan is no different. We just want to urge him toward something safer than head-banging when he's feeling stressed and frustrated, not deny that he has stress and frustration or punish him for those emotions.

I came across this timely interview and thought some of you might find it interesting: http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/03/ ... illa/2374/

Oh and philosopherBoi, thank you for the suggestion regarding humor. Somehow I can't pull that off with my son - it only makes him angrier. But luckily, my husband can and often uses that approach successfully.

This thread has been very helpful - my son, while he doesn't really hurt himself, he does bite his nails...and he does pick at his nails (although that stim has kind of gone away in the last year). Right now he's taken to coloring his hands with marker (and I just love getting the marker out of his clothes....), and he also shreds and tears things - such as his clothes, sheets on his bed, etc. Typically that happens at night, but it's clear the stress is from school that's causing a lot of it.

Jelibean I just had to say that your insight has really been amazing. My son is having a horrible time at school right now (he's in 4th grade), we're in the process of getting an IEP set for him - but it's a process and it won't "fix" things overnight. Anyway, I appreciated your comments.

In any case, I was wondering if any of you had good sources to go to for some of these stimming objects. My son can tear through just about any stress ball around....I need a good one (or several!). He always has to have something in his hands at school, and so we're looking for a variety of things to have around here and school for him. Thanks!!

Hiya and thanks for the comments

The stimming aids that are on the market are useless to be honest. They cost a fortune and break in a second. Nothing is strong enough to withstand the constant usage. There is however a weighted belt that is apparently meant to calm the stim down. I am just the messenger and have had no experience with it so am unsure if it is good. But WP has everyone on here and I am sure someone will come and let us know. I know at night, weighted blankets are very helpful for a lot of children.

Stims never disappear whilst stress is present, not the harmful or destructive ones. They change. So the fact that your son's stim has changed and is continuing to change is completely normal for a jelibean

My son was juggling with the remote control, pencils, packs of cards, rulers and driving us MAD! So we kept on and on and then he started juggling with knives!! He just needed a long object to run his hands up and down continually........................so then he discovered the GUITAR. Since then he has shown savant skills in it and is no longer juggling! Just walking everywhere with a guitar strapped to him, yes even the loo.

I thought it would be impossible to stop his stims which were becoming very dangerous, not just for him but EVERYONE around. Instead we found an alternative and bingo, we have killed two birds (not LITERAL ONES!!) with one stone as now he is not only happier, found his passion, stimming as long as he wants BUT it has increased his self confidence and self esteem too (yes he is THAT good!).

I quite agree with you that the stress is obviously taking place in school which is why you are seeing such dramatic presentations at home. My advice is to try and source the problem at school. Talkiing in TIPS may help. Check out our swimming pool analogy and ask him where the sharks in the water are and what they are doing. Is your son a Nemo fish or a gentle butterfly fish who has had a fin torn off by a passing shark? By communicating with objects you may well find he is more receptive and can explain more what is going on. He may not even be aware of the exact problem so asking at school is a good idea. Do you know anyone at school that you can easily talk to? Not someone who thinks you are an anxious mother (even though you are of course!!) who is overeacting and causing a fuss (which you deffo aren't!).

The drawing stim can be used most productively. The thing about colouring the hand is that it is interesting. The feeling, the appearance and its easy to smell (some children sniff their hands all the time). Have you tried showing him how he can tatoo himself with felt tips? I used to do it when I was a child and now my kids do too! You colour a picture onto the sticky side of sellotape and then pop it onto the skin where it transfers magically like a tatoo. Make sure you have non toxic pens though!! When he sees that he can spend heaps of time DRAWING ON PAPER some designs. This will draw his attention away from his hand but allow him time to do it 'legitimately' which kind of takes the fun out and may reduce it? Just an idea.

The shredding is worrying, his sleep pattern is obviously up the shoot. What time does he go to bed? Is he asleep and then wakes up tearing the sheets or is he doing it before bedtime? What is his sleep pattern, late to bed and late to settle, or is he up bright and early after flopping earlier in the evening? I would be interested to know as sleep disturbances account for so many problems!

Let me know how it goes. Here is the swimming pool analogy, hope you like it
http://www.jelibean.com/ladder/index.ph ... &Itemid=28

As far as the coloring on his hands go - he does that at school. His teacher was telling us during the IEP meeting that he will grab just about anything out of his desk and then play with it while she's talking during class. He's not being disruptive, just keeping his hands busy. So, it's not as though he's actually drawing something - he's just scribbling on his hands. I suppose that it's a step up from putting holes in his clothes (he's famous for that) though.

As for the shredding - I am honestly not sure when he does it. He goes to bed at about 9pm, but I also know that he will lay awake and read himself to sleep - he's told me that he does it to calm himself down. That's fine, I know that sleeping can be difficult for him and so if that helps, fantastic. The trouble is that I suspect at times he either gets bored with reading, or maybe he's just having a lot of trouble sleeping that particular night, and so he moves on to another stim....ripping the sheets or destructing things. Recently he cut the arms off of a stuffed animal. (apparently he had smuggled a pair of scissors into his room - which have since been found and confiscated) I asked him about it, and he said that he was just messing around, but then he did admit that he gets mad because of the kids at school making fun of him and sometimes he just does things like that. That one conversation is what drove me to going to the school and requesting that he be evaluated for an IEP. I've talked to his teacher since then and she tells me that lately he's been getting angry with the kids on the playground (I'm assuming it's when situations occur where he's being made fun of), and that's completely out of character for him. Oddly enough, I was happy when she told me that - because the truth is, I don't think the school would have been willing to do anything for him until his teacher agreed that it is time to get him on an IEP because he's beginning to act out. Anyway, I think that's where all of this stems from. He's anxious, but he's also stressed out from school. So, we're working on it - but I do appreciate the swimming pool analogy. I'm going to use it for sure!

What I really need to do is somehow find him a passion that is constructive - like your son and the guitar. My son's real passion is playing video games, and if I could only put him into some classes that would teach him how to write program for video games, I think we'd be on to something!

RondaR,

My son just started in an elective after-school class that is using a software module to make games. It sounds like it is something you should be able to buy. GameMaker or something like that.

Thanks so much for the tip - I will have to look into that! My husband has done some programming in the past, but the stuff he's worked with is a little over the top for a 9 year old, and not nearly as exciting. I never even thought about finding him software that could do that....great idea, thanks!