Do parents respect bad kids more?

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Look dude I respect ur opinion, but at some point you have to stop having such a myopic attitude about everything! Accept that other peoples experiences and opinions are different than your own and that doesnt necessarily make them wrong or lesser. Your attitude comes off as very dogmatic and almost rude in your inability to respect and appreciate others side of the story. I have to work on this too, but I have been trying to remain polite and respectful of you and your viewpoint- even if I disagree with your ideas. You keep harping on therapists for their attitude-mocking you and being condescending and mean-but you need to look at your past posts and realize that your own behavior has not come across as much better.
And perhaps that isnt at all how you intended it to be interpreted, but I think it would be a good idea to at least try and seem more open to outside ideas and opinions without the edge.

You really shouldnt seem so condescending when you ask about things like how therapists have been helpful to someone. Therapy is an extremely personal and private topic for a lot of people, but it has honestly helped a lot of people as well. I know several people who have truly benefited from and vouch for therapy and therapists. For many adults, its very hard to get to a place where you realize you need therapy and to then convince yourself to go.

And remember there are many different types of therapy. Talk therapy, art therapy, music therapy, animal therapy, etc etc. Each of them are helpful in their own unique way and not every style of therapy works on every person. Dont knock it til ya try it. Something a little different might work a lot better!
Also: therapy is a two way street. Its not going to work unless you do.

Pretty intrusive question, isn't it? You want me to spill on every family member's unique problem? Not going to happen. I will say that when I went I was feeling pretty broken, I had lost my sense of self. After 4 or 5 sessions I remembered that I am a force to reckoned with. I'm steel. I would have struggled much longer without the safe place to talk it out and reconnect to that piece of myself. No one broke me down again. The therapist was happy I had what I needed and agreed I didn't need to continue.

Grace, I don't agree with everything he believes. I do agree with him about family therapy especially b/c it is a business that involves customers (parents foot the bill). Quite honestly, a business person is going to want to keep his revenue rolling in. If completely fixing you entailed they would lose a customer they're not going to fix you. They want their money or they would be out of business.

Let me put it to you this way about the mental health establishment and the meds. My mother was put on 7 to 10 psychological drugs which helped to contribute to her death. Why would he put her on so many meds? So, he and the drug industry could make a profit. On this, I get exactly where Aspie1 is coming from.

As for the mutual adoption clubs. I would agree if it was completely voluntary. Where him and I disagree on and I have a problem is involving the government and making it mandatory law.

This is a bit ironic, since my therapist did the opposite: she withheld medications from me. Every time I asked for "happiness pills" (read: antidepressants), she deflected it with a platitude or dodged the question. Which makes sense: if I became "happy", I'd no longer need to keep coming back. So the end goal is the same. Well, she didn't know who she was dealing with. I found my own happiness pills (well, more like liquid) in Jack Daniels. Today, I got myself an Effexor XR 75mg prescription, with just a 30-minute visit to my general practitioner. In less than a year of being on that drug, I accomplished more socially than I did in 5 to 6 years of seeing that therapist.

Another thing. When I talked about things that would indirectly benefit my parents, like my anxiety in school or trouble making friends, she actually tried to help. Her help was largely ineffective, but I give her credit for trying. But when I talked about my parents berating down all the time, she only mocked me and cooed at me. Which again makes sense. They were the REAL customer; I was a little more than a broken object brought in for repairs.

If these clubs were voluntary, no parents would join. I'm sure of it.

Are you aware that anti-depressants in children often do the opposite of what was intended, and can turn them suicidal? Have you read all the posts here on why parents should approach any suggestion of medication for their children with extreme caution? I have a friend who just pulled her teen off anti-depressants because she thinks the teen's real problems started when she started taking them. She is having the teen very carefully journal her moods and keeping a close eye out during the transitions. The teen did not like being on the drugs. If a therapists is hesitant with medicating a child, I consider that a good sign. They SHOULD be hesitant. The same medication that can be a miracle for an adult, can be a disaster in a child. Never forget that.

Meh. I was suicidal to begin with. I had form of plans since I was 8. By 12, I had some pretty thoughtful ones, based on the scientific knowledge I learned in school. So I wouldn't be "turning" suicidal.

It's one thing when the therapist helps the child in non-medical ways. It's another thing when the therapist only mocks the child, because her actual loyalty is to his parents. ("Her" because all family therapists I dealt with were women.) And are you saying that a child sneaking whiskey is not disastrous?

Last edited by Aspie1 on 07 Oct 2019, 6:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I didn't know that myself.

Ritalin, if given to somebody over a certain age, acts like the stimulant that it is.

I cannot speak to your unique situation. We can all agree you did not get the help you needed, whatever form that should have taken (which is impossible to know, really). It was the casual way you assumed that not giving a child medication when they want it would always mean the therapist is not on the child's side that I was responding to. That simply is not true.

Did you ever think that perhaps your therapist was actually looking out for your best interest by not putting an obviously messed up and potentially suicidal young kid on drugs?? And that your underdeveloped brain at the time just could not understand and comprehend?
Its true- you mightve gotten really unlucky with your therapist. But its also just as possible that you were perhaps just an angry and depressed little kid who, when faced with an adult that was actually trying to help you, could still only see them as the enemy and has held onto that belief and childish way of viewing the situation for many many years. Move on. Stop holding onto this grudge on therapists from your childhood and start living in the present. Trust me, youll probably feel a lot better once you do.
And Im not saying that I dont believe you or sympathize with your story. Im saying this as someone who has seen you recycle the same angry words post after post and realizes that there might be a whole lot more to this story than what we're seeing and thinks it would simply be best for all parties involved to just let it go and move on.
(And another note: you keep saying youve been suicidal since you were a kid and yet- you're still here. Some people arent. So either you're really bad at following simple instructions, or there is a part of you that doesnt actually want to die. So do yourself a favor- and get over it. Life moves on, and so should you.)
My apologies if any of that was too harsh and insensitive. I just feel as tho this thread is getting quite redundant.

Now, I can understand why the therapist didn't want to put Aspie1 on meds. I didn't realize it would affect teens and adults differently. Even then couldn't she have explained it instead of fobbing off his question



What caused the anger and depression though? Here is the problem. She may have believed that she was helping him but maybe her help actually did more harm. Therapists from another time thought that Electroconvulsive therapy and lobotomies helped their patients.

CS Lewis said "“Of all the tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under the omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber barons cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”






Why do you continue to post here?




Simple Instructions? What simple instructions? And, simple is a relative term. So, let's not be condescending. It's not a good trait to have. I literally hate when people are condescending towards me and/or others.



Again, why do you post? Why bother? Geeze, it's a very simple concept. If you don't like a post or it is becoming offensive or redundant then don't post.

And, another thing, if you're really sorry for posting something then why post it?

Look honestly I get that suicide is like a really heavy topic. Trust me, I do. One of my very good friends from childhood killed herself earlier this year. If someone truly wanted to die, they would find a way. Unfortunately, its not very hard to do. Theres a difference between wanting to die and truly being suicidal and actually trying to kill yourself. Maybe its just because its personal to me, but it very much gets on my nerves when I hear people saying like "ugh I just want to die" like its some throwaway phrase to say when you're bored or frustrated. I dont doubt that Aspie1 was much more serious than that, but the fact that its so easy for him to talk about it in such a flippant manner while obviously still being alive just puts me off some. So it wasnt that I was being condescending (I for sure dont feel superior) I guess I was just slightly annoyed with his tone in the last few posts.



Now who's being condescending?
One thing: Im not sorry about posting. The apology was in case I came off too harsh and hurt someones feelings.
I continue to post in this thread because although I do feel the responses are becoming redundant, I still have a slight hope that I can help convince Aspie1 to see things in a new light. Im not trying to force him to change his mind or to see things my way, but perhaps I can make the slightest difference in how he looks at the situation and then he can choose himself if he would like to change his mind. I think if I am this invested already, it is worth sticking around to see if any change is made. I cant force him to do anything he doesnt want to- but I can make him think. And if Im being totally honest than I kind of enjoy the back and forth sometimes.

I see nothing wrong with what Grace is doing.

Sometimes, there are people who are not ready to heed advice at the moment the advice is given---but are very ready at some later date.

I've seen this happen numerous times.

Well, I was more serious than that. I had some form of suicide plans since I was 8. By 12, I studied different methods and related human anatomy, to ensure... you know. What stopped me was discovering how happy whiskey made me. As a little kid, I remember my parents' dinner parties, where wine was on the table, or less frequently, whiskey. And whenever the adults drank it, they looked so happy! Happier than I could ever dream of being. (We all lived in a small city, and the dinners ended by 9:00 PM, so guests could walk or catch a taxi after.)

Fast-forward to age 12 or 13. One morning after a very brutal therapy session, where I cried myself to sleep afterwards, I decided to take a swig of my parents' Jack Daniels. Lucky for me, they left me home alone for a few hours. You do the math. The joy I felt from Jack Daniels made me realize that happiness wasn't entirely out of my reach. In high school, I also discovered that cooking wine is more easily obtainable in larger volumes. It got me though the stresses of high school better than all other coping methods put together.

Please don't. I will say this: If I were a truly bad kid, I wouldn't have gone through half the crap I went though.

Some of the above posts seem like a challenge to someone considering suicide to encourage them to try harder to actually do it. Can you see how wrong that it is? Please don’t talk about suicide so flippantly just to make a point.

I assure you, they are not. But for compliance with WP's TOS and the US laws, I agree with you.

That said, being a good kid did me more harm than good. I was neither respected nor rewarded for it. Any approval or praise I got for good behavior felt like a transaction, and a ridiculously price-gouged one to boot. Like $12 hot dogs at an NFL stadium.