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MsTriste Have you thought of bike riding maybe. It only costs as much as the bike and you can do it anytime you'd like. Good exercise also which will help to alleviate those depressing feelings. And its a "solitary" sport, even when you ride with someone else, you can ride behind or in frount of themand not have to deal with them really.
Just a suggestion.

Hey guys, how you all doing?

lotusblossom update:

well I survived the course (OU residential school)
to get there I had to go to nottingham so had to fight my way across london on tube even managed to change tubes twice! There was no GF/CF food so had to eat fruit for whole week and was averaging less than 500 calories a day, Ive never been so hungry!

All the other students hated me and thought I was weird and annoying and the tutors hated me even more as I am arogant and a know all and ask awkward questions. It was very hot and we had to wear lab coats, gloves, goggles and closed shoes (no air con) and I was bitten all over on the first day by mosquitoes so was very itchy.
and it was 12 hour days!

everyone was very social meeting up for lunch while I sat on my own and annoyed people with my un friendliness.

Now I am home and kids are as bad as ever! but at least Im home.

I am doubting my ability to do the phd as I really had trouble being round people. My msc is fine as I am left to my own devices but the phd will be supervised and I will probably have to work with others. I so suck and I am even more anti social than I realised.

I am thinking of putting my eldest daughter to live with my mum as she is too much to cope with and I cant think of what else to do.

I am also very lonely and would really like a boyfriend but seeing as Ive been single for 7 years that doesnt look likely to end soon. Ive been thinking of getting back with my ex as I know he would have me but he was an arse so I dont want to but I am sick of being alone and really want some intimacy. No relationships seem to work out and online dating seems to fizzle out after a couple of emails. Its too hard to meet people when you have AS as I have no idea if they like me or not, people are not frank or clear enough.

life sucks!!

All I want is Gin, wheres the bottle!

I feel the same, sometimes. I've just got back from 5 days holiday with my children (solo parenting, no ex-wife) and the first thing I've done when getting back is log on here. Now 2 hours have gone by and I have no idea where they went. I must have lost so many hours over the last few months. I don't have a television, so I guess this is my substitute.



A very familiar feeling. I feel like that at the end of every day at work. There's two sides to this in that if I have the opportunity, I will easily retreat into a total cocoon. I could easily stay in from Friday night to Monday morning. I suppose the 'therapists' would suggest this is unhealthy and is bound to lead to depression. This is not too far fetched. However, if I don't get that 'cocoon' space, I really do go crazy in a very unpleasant way. I tend to get very spontaneous and irritable in everything I say and do and often end up having to apologise for something I've done. This is how I think I've lost a few friends over the years. Too much 'exposure' and no chance to 'get back to myself' again. Being a little 'down' is, for me, preferable to the latter state.

And anyway, my biggest 'crash and burn' depressions usually happen straight after some social situation that has gone wrong for me, not after times of solitude. I'm about to give up the psycotherapist I've been seeing for 6 months as the whole thing has become frustrating. She just 'doesn't get it'. She too comes up with the same suggestions that would work for an NT but don't work for me. "Engage in some social activity". "Go out for a meal with your friends" etc etc . She believes that everything I say about having no friends and always being shunned in social situations is purely how I FEEL. That this cannot possibly be objective reality that I'm describing. Well, enough is enough and at the rates these borderline charlatans charge, I'll appreciate the extra cash I'll be saving!

I'm more and more convinced that excessive physical activity can also make me depressed, too. For example, the other day, with my children, I walked uphill nearly 1,000 meters on Snowdon in Wales. Plenty of exercise yet that night I had my worst wave of depression for several months. Bad enough to wake me up several times throughout the night, even planning my funeral etc, really really unpleasant. I am very rarely this depressed and I can only assume that it really is linked to the physical exertion. Maybe just too much for me? I've never had this 'endorphin rush' I've heard others say they get when they run and exercise. I'm sure my brain is wired differently to most peoples! There is one physical activity that *does* generate waves of contentment and fulfillment in me and that is sex. Unfortunately I have never been able to secure a reliable enough supply, or indeed any supply for most of the time. I once heard it said jokingly that all male depression is caused by a) not enough money b) not enough sex. Maybe not such a joke?



It's despairing and heartbreaking. Paraphrasing a quote I've heard elsewhere "You have a problem. You go see a psychotherapist. Now you have two problems....". I know that some people do get some benefit from therapists and my own experience is not totally negative. But it just seems so vague, so unscientific, so based on luck of the draw who you get to see. The therapeutic industry is not good at benchmarking it's success rates. I wouldn't be surprised to find the success rate more or less the same as the rate due to placebo effect.

Maybe you could count the people you know here as 'meaningful relationships'? Although I've never met anyone here and probably never will, there are many who I feel I know in a way more than people I meet regularly. Mainly because of the level of openness, sincerity and insight that many here have but is lacking in the so called real world. The contrast between WP and the occasional NT forum that I wander into is as clear as being hit by a sledgehammer! NT's can waffle on for post after post after post and say NOTHING at all. And if anyone does dare express a heartfelt opinion, chances are the 'normality' police will swoop in and pile on the contempt till the usual level of nil-content NT speak is restored.



Not totally disintegrated yet, though!



Sorry to hear that. It sounds like a very unpleasant situation for you all and I hope it doesn't get this bad too often.



But you don't sound at all arrogant or unfriendly in your posts here! I think this must be a core problem of AS. Others do not see what we really are. When writing we have time to stop and think, edit, reread and edit lines to get closer to what we want to say. Maybe NT's are so complacent about their inner OK-ness, they aren't used to making the effort of tolerance? Some of my best friends have been people who could stay up all night arguing and disagreeing about things with me, yet we still had trust and friendship at the end of it.

It is very odd and very sad, the number of people who here come across as thoughtful, sensitive and considerate yet say that in real life they are dismissed as arrogant and unfriendly.

Last edited by ManErg on 05 Aug 2008, 4:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

With ref: psychotherapists/counselling, I have had two very different experiences.

The first one I am convinced was more depressed than I was, and made totally ineffectual effort to teach me cognitive therapy tools, but I think she didn't believed in them herself, they certainly made no sense to me at all then, ( not until I went on intense cult like brainwashing weekend course did the general principles sink in and then in most oppressive fashion possible), and I very soon stopped seeing her.

The second one was wonderful, and listened to me tell my tale, listened to me trying to make sense of things, how ever partially. Unfortunately that is when I plunged into the Personal Development Course ( see above) up to my neck and left for London in a state of reckless almost manic enthusiasm, so I only saw her for about two months.

Interesting about physical exercise. It is supposed to cheer you up. It certainly did me when I engaged in a lot of it, at least two hours every day over about 3 months, though I became a bit obsessed about it, performance and improvement, and not missing sessions. I felt much more "strong" inside aswell as outside. And a brisk walk can make me buzz, smile, and generally relax glowingly afterwards.

Am wondering why it doesn't do this with you, ManErg. Might it be that the sudden contrast between a habitual " in the head" state and the connection with the body in exercise makes cerebral activity seem empty and pointless for a while afterwards. I think I experience that reaction sometimes, esp when is a one-off exertion. Perhaps why it can, if persist past the first few sessions, become addictive because it gives some other " dimension" of meaning to life which mental activity doesn't.

With ref: volcanic losses of tempers: we are recovered from the fighting fits. And "all friends" again. But I was consulting our horoscope charts today to see if could trace any synchronous patterns over the next 18 months in hope that would make it plain if I am likely to be leaving in the near future! There are distinct signs of possible moment of rupture in February/March 2010. ( probable drop/important change in my living standards/financial/material circumstances, not paralleled in his chart ...)

Yes, I was surprised to to read that people had found LotusBlossom arrogant etc. The last thing I would have said about you, LB. I hope your mother can help out with your daughter so you get a bit of peace, ( relatively anyway).

.

I shall think about that. Possibly a matter of degree. I have generally lived a sedentary life, maybe it doesn't take very much for me to be overdoing it. Or maybe I really am just wired weird

The whole exercise thing is as fickle and faddish as the diet thing. I read recently that "research has proven " that to lose any weight you need to do a minimum of 1.5 hours exercise a day. Well, together with the 8.5 average working hours, the 8 hours sleep (research has also proven that we're all sleep deprived), the 1.5 hours that the average person spends driving to work, the 3 hours we should be spending in 'quality' time with out children etc etc. I don't think we have any time left to actually eat, so the exercise probable isn't needed.
If only they realised the brain needs exercising as much as the body....


Don't go there.....



Ah....now that would be the general collapse of the capitalist world banking system. Always just around the corner, the end of snivellisation as we know it. I think we should base the new economy on leaves so that nobody can say "money doesn't grow on trees" any more.

My baby will be 3 shortly and I am not looking forward to the lessons she will probably enjoy. She seems to be somewhat gifted, but I have No desire to attend dance or piano recitals. I have bad Social Anxiety so it's very hard for me to appear NT.

Hubby is already getting a little steamed about how I refuse to go on special outings I feel like I can't handle right now. And I do feel like screaming, because if I did feel more comfortable I would be a van/soccer/dance mom.

I am an older parent, but enjoy it and am considering another. I don't want my baby growing up to be an only, bcause I'm close to my sisters and know what it means to have them there when life just sucks. I havn't heard one only say they thought it was great being the lone child and I don't know if my condition will improve so I'm questioning the idea of having another for many reasons.

Don't know if anyone else here has such concerns, but thrown into the mix is we are a one salary family so money and benefits are tight. I have a BS, but have not been able to find a job that tolerates my aspie traits. I would love to have my own business or work from home, but I am not good with accounting and the like which makes choices rathe limited.

Thank you thank you thanky you for this thread. I feel so alone sometimes as most of my relatives seem more NT then I. On an online quiz I came up about 50/50 between NT and Aspie and I havn't found that an easy place to be

hey guys

Im going to give the internet a break for a while as its taking over a bit too much.

take care and hugs to all

((hugs))

( Where? ) and why not?

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drybones update

oops seems ages since i checked on here. sorry n all that

its been interesting reading up on posts on here. firstly apologies for not being on WP. heres the brief synopsis of whats being going on in my corner of the world:

* brief trip away which was great
* meltdown within 24hrs of returning from trip
* things gets steadily worse with everything except work which thankfully is going well
* some old and new obessions are important to me right now
* ive concluded that an official diagnosis for me personally seems pointless
* im trying harder to say NT things and act like they do, sometimes sucessfully

so overall, life sucks
thanks for reading

Apatura - your list was perfect!

Pook - welcome to WP + this thread

Drybones, good to see you back!! !

I had noticed your absence and just about every day for the past few weeks thought "maybe I should PM to see what's happening with him", but never actually did it. Maybe that's an AS thing. Thinking you'd like to contact someone, but for some unknown reason, *now* isn't the right moment and before you know it a year or two has gone by.....Or maybe it's just a Man-Erg thing??

Would you mind disclosing your obsessions?

Right now, official diagnosis is more or less pointless for any fully grown adult. If the state decided to provide AS sufferers with a decent income without having to go through the trauma of having to work with others, then it would be useful. But that is never going to happen!

Even in the realm of whats possible, there doesn't appear to be anything provided specifically for diagnosed adult Aspies in the UK. I'd be prepared to campaign for it, only I don't know what I actually want, anyway I shouldn't be disclosing this, but the only thing I can think of right now to improve the lot of your average middle aged, struggling, rejected by all women, male Aspie is that sex should be provided by the National Health Service

Thanks ManErg.

Regarding contacting people and never actually doing it - I've done exactly same thing on and offline, no idea whether its a AS thing or not though!!



i pretty sure i posted the main ones here a while back shortly after joining WP. my newest one involves me searching for MP3 rips of pirate radio stations operating in London, 1989-1991.

^ what Apatura said.

btw - nice to see you again Apatura

To be honest, I don't think there's anything more to be said - you've summed it up perfectly.

i was thinking about this one and for me personally its the sudden, unexpected physical contact thats often the worst kind - i react badly to those situations

additionally, i struggle with simply hugging my own kids at times adding to peoples belief im a "cold" person very frustrating

Just to let people know; i am going away on holiday to Germany for 12 days tomorrow and don't think we will be taking the laptop, so I won't be posting for a while.

Happy rest of the summer everyone!

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Germany for 12 days topic

Lucky you, Ouinon.

I have never been to Europe. i would enjoy visiting Ireland, England, Wales, Scotland, France and the Czech Republic, as I would like to visit the Kafka Lands. Money is needed, and I do not have it!

Summer here in Barrie, Ontario, Canada has been very rainy, and now hot this week.