Kids say the darndest things

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When my son was younger (about 10 or 11 years old maybe), he was being bullied by other boys. His response to them calling him a ret*d was to call them a "gluttious maximus cavity" to which they scratched their heads and left him alone.

LOL Mine says, "MOM, he was being a total.. you know.. the guy who went up the beanstalk... and the OTHER name for butt...Can I say it?... No??? They say it on Shrek, you know.... Well. THAT'S WHAT HE WAS BEING!"

My daughter adds "no offense" to everything. She thinks she can say anything she wants as long as it is followed by "no offense". Such as "You have a big nose! No Offense."

Today my son had a practice test and he told me that he'd done really well, despite the fact that the answer sheet made a frowny face instead of a smiley face. (Not quite sure what he meant, maybe it was a pattern in the answers.)

I was giving my son a hair cut the other day, just his fringe so it was out of his eyes. He looked at the hair cut off and started screaming "mummypig, mummy pig, call granny pig, granddad pig fix's everything."

Too much peppa pig. Gah.

Mine does that too... I think he picked it up in social skills class... Except.. when he says "No offense," I am instructed that I'm supposed to respond, "None taken." LOL One day I asked him, "Well, what if I DO take offense?" ............................................... he just looked at me for a moment....................................................... "MOM.You're supposed to say, 'None taken'."

What is it about that show, anyway? Both of my kids are obsessed....

The Youngest has picked up some odd verbal tics, and I don't know where he's getting them from. "Fire!", which he does while pointing at/with things, is definitely a command and not an observation. But I cannot for the life of me figure out where this barely verbal kid picked up the phrase "Lego SCUM!", which he used while disassembling minifigs.

So are mine. I actually miss listening to the wiggles all day every day. At least it wasn't the annoying whinning sound. And they are so mean to daddy pig. I know if i was daddy pig, i would let out some swear words. Especially in the episode "Very Hot Day." and what about the very sexiest comments that they have littered throughout the show. "you won't win, your a woman, women are hopeless at these sorts of things." WHAT?







Back on topic......

This morning, my 2 angels awoke to find a home made chocolate cake in the kitchen. They both strt flapping and jumping about saying. "home made chocolate cake, home made chocolate cake." so i told them to "hold your horsies." My son replied with "Hello horsie" and grabbed my daughter and she said "neigh"

Oh my, my daughter does THE EXACT SAME THING. She'll wait for me to say it and then if I don't she'll say "And?????"

That's so funny!

My daughter loves the phrase "hold your horses" but she doesn't quite understand the concept. So we will be late and she'll run to get in the car yelling "hold your horses, hold your horses!". One time we saw a car run a stop sign and she said "she needed to hold those horses!"

Here's an example of being literal: I told my daughter we could go to the park all summer. A girl in her class asked if she would come to her birthday party and my daughter told her "I can't-I'll be in the park all summer!" That took some explaining!

My AS son has a hearty appetite (for certain things!) , so he was horrified when he was told he could not eat or drink anything for 12 hours preceeding oral surgery which was being performed under general anaesthetic. By the time the surgery was over, it was nearly 24 hours since he'd eaten, and he had a mouth full of stitches. As he was coming round from surgery, still woozy, a nurse was explaining to me that once he could get up and walk round, and had eaten something, I could take him home.

Still half drugged, he shot out of bed, charged round the room and said 'What have you got to eat?' She cautiously offered him jelly (jello) which he woolfed down, saying 'Right, it's OK for us to go now.' The look on the Nurse's face was priceless.

It's just as well she didn't follow us out of the hospital. As we passed the canteen he said 'Now I need some proper food. Pizza and chips please'. He ate the lot without wincing.

I take full responsibility: I was recently prodded by a surgeon halfway through an operation being done on my ear under local anaesthetic and asked:
"Are you alright?"
Me: "Yes, why?"
Surgeon: "It's just that you're keeping absolutely silent and still. Patients usually find this procedure uncomfortable and a bit distressing."
Me: "It is, but I presumed you'd rather not be performing such a delicate operation on a moving target."

I was being perfectly serious. He and his assistant Nurse were helpless with laughter.

Actually, I have to admit that I love that particular episode, at the carnival. After Mommy Pig is told that she's hopeless, the camera zooms in on her eyes narrowing, and you can tell that she's gritting her teeth as she says, "Give. Me. That. Bow."

And then, of course, she shoots a bullseye.

And her rage after Mr. Bull insults Daddy Pig's "big tummy"? Epic.

Any kid's show is better than the news, though. We were watching a report on the death of Bin Laden last night, and the Oldest was very upset to hear that someone had been killed. I tried to explain who Bin Laden was, and what he had done, without going into enough detail to upset him...but he was more interested in whether or not a superhero had been the one who killed him.

I've really got to stop playing City of Heroes when he's around. He gives me such a guilt trip if I happen to be playing a villain. "Daddy, you can't rob a bank! That's what BAD GUYS do!"

Sorry to be WAY off topic but I just had to add that I think it was a whole team of superheros who did that job.

My son has started saying now "(insert my daughters name here), you can't do it, you're a girl." I banned that episode.

I just end up feeling sorry for daddy pig in nearly every episode. what they do to him must be borderline abuse. poor daddy pig.

My son tried a new food yesterday, corn dogs. I'm less than thrilled about the choice, but cheered up immensely when I learned that eating the corn dog had unlocked apples and pears.

My 8 year old recently discovered "Knock, knock" jokes. He likes to make up his own:

E: "Knock, knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
E: "Fire"
Me: "Fire who?"
E: "Your head's on fire!" (hysterical laughter)
Me: (Blank look)