*§*AS-Parent Support Group*§*

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Only now beginning to realise just how much reaching/nearing the end of the first, full-time, stage of motherhood, which occupied me for the last 9 years, seems to have left me high and dry, with little or nothing to do. And with no solid professional experience or training to fall back on/resume, and in a foreign country where just my lack of formal qualifications in french is enough to disqualify me from almost anything of interest, I am completely at a loss as to what I could do.

What am I going to do? Transition from motherhood does in fact look as if it will be as challenging as transition into it was.

I had another look at online courses yesterday, Lotusblossom, thinking that perhaps that was after all the solution, but again was put off by the fixed-learning-routes involved which even then do not lead to any professional activity, ( fixed-goal learning would make sense if actually led into a job, but otherwise looks pale in comparison to the independent/self-directed learning that I have done from books and the internet etc over the last 6 years or so).

I think it is something characteristic about AS, that tend to engage in activities in an all or nothing way, and so having ( after a 2-3 year period of total depression/resistance to it) engaged fairly single-mindedly in motherhood now have to change course drastically to create any sort of active future.

I think there's a lot of truth in that. And the more stimulation you have, the less effect it has, so you need to keep increasing it.



Same for NT's too. It amazes me that friends I've known who allege to love going out to overcrowded, loud clubs because "people are social animals" then say they *have* to drink there because "it would be unbearable without alcohol"! !! ! I explain it as a deep inner drive to follow the herd, even when it is actually painful to do so. We are all a mess of contradictory drives, anyway!



Good point. I believe that what we call AS may have been around at the same rates for 100's of years, but has become more obvious due to what you describe. It's not the rising rocks, it's the falling tide.

I'm intrigued by the effect of meat eating, too. Apparently causes increase in testosterone, which causes an increase in aggression and (yes, it's very arguable, I'm just speculating...) perhaps a decreased sensitivity to the environment leading to a tolerance of more noise, volume, chaos etc etc etc Which leads to urges to drink booze and eat kebabs to make it bearable and so it goes....

Sorry, I don't have time to give justice to all the interesting things you've all said recently. I've been away and ultra-busy so hardly any WP time.

Glad you enjoyed your holiday, Oiunon.

Diet Plan topic

I have read up on all these various diets that have been floating around and I have found the best one is JUST TO EAT LESS. It is called Portion Restriction. Saves me time, trouble and money. All you do is eat three basic meals, no oversized portions and NO BETWEEN MEAL SNACKS. At least four hours between meals and no food after dinner whatsoever. Learning to eat less takes time but you will feel better, get to an optimum weight and stay there. Works for me. Moderate exercise (walking) and you are good!!

I once ate gluten free bread (a few slices) and was constipated for four days. Now I follow William Shatner's advice regarding All Bran. Best breakfast. Fills you up with less calories. And makes you regular!! !

Oh, crap.

Sticky killer? topic

I hope I did not kill this thread, as nasty as the last post was. Help!! !

I think that it was pretty dead already.

I begin to think that something that distinguishes AS parents from others is not actually being very interested in the role of parent, having much more fascinating things to think about, and that is one of the things which makes parenting so hard for AS!

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Not just parenting - our interests are more fascinating than EVERYTHING else out there! Is it a core difference that many of us are driven to seek knowledge, where the typical NT is driven to seek an acceptable status in the herd?

lol, thats so true, I am not interested in being a parent at all!

Its funny as CAMHS keep accusing me of being an overbaring mother who intrudes too much on her children. The trouble is it doesnt look any better to them if I tell CAMHS that Im actually not interested in the kids lol.

Doesnt it suck that other people always want to talk about the kids, every time I meet an old friend they want to talk about kids, there are so many better things to talk about.

This is a good and needed thread as others would not understand our feelings and would critisize us harshly. I really enjoy hearing everyone on this threads experiences and getting support.

hello. im still here reading

<EDIT> Ooops. Quoted the wrong bit. I agree that *talking* - or being subjected to the never ending success stories of other parents talented, gifted, all-singing all-dancing little angels - is very tedious.

<On AS parenting in general>
Not sure if it's that straightforward. I've also known several NT's confide that they're fed up with parenthood. Yet I really quite enjoy it! (parenting that is, not listening to NT's...) I'm often very happy to be with my children - not always, but mostly. I find them easier to understand and communicate with than 99% of the adults I encounter, it's uncanny, almost as if we're related

It does sometimes take a kind of 'inner mind switch'. If I've decided I have something to get done, then the constant interruption of children can get to me. Until I realise that 9 times out of 10, the task I want to do is purely arbitrary and the universe will continue as normal if I switch attention to the children. I believe that attention is about the most important thing you can give your children. Also the most difficult.

ManErg- I do give my kids attention, I home school then for one, I am with them 24/7, which is why when I get the chance to converse with other adults I would rather talk about something else lol.

I know what you mean about understanding each other as I have that with mine, we are so a like. I get on better with my kids than I do with any other people.

Never the less I would on occasion like a break and like to chat about something else

Thank god we have WP!

Hello, everyone!

I'm Karen and I'm a former biologist, now a stay home mom with three kids age 4 to 13. I've had such a hard time parenting and I never knew quite why. I have entertained lots of possibilities: that my kids have issues that make them hard to parent, that I wasn't getting enough social support, that I worked when the kids were small and this affected bonding, that my mood was too low. None of those explanations really panned out. Now I realize that I'm pretty close to aspergers on the spectrum, but maybe just an nerd with a one track mind and little social skill or social motivation. I now think that my lack of social skill and motivation is mainly what my problem has been all along.

Anyway, I'm glad to find this group.

Hello!

Yes, it helps to have an explanation which makes real sense. Lots of aspects of parenting require capacities/skills that AS are notoriously bad at. On the other hand it can be useful to be AS oneself if child(ren) is AS ( as is likely as AS is a genetic predisposition ), because understand them better. Are yours? ...

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No, I think the kids are all NT as is my husband. I haven't read all 26 pages of this thread yet, but have you guys found any resources that are directed at parents who have aspergers? I have read all the mainstream parenting books and while they seem to be full of good ideas, I'm never able to implement the strategies on a day to day basis because they take, for me, an infinite effort. I thought a book or website just for parents who have aspergers might help me work around my deficits.

Hi Karen wellcome to the thread

Ive not found any books on parenting with AS but like Ouinon have found John Holts books about educating kids really helpful and made me feel I was a good influence on them

I found some books about women with aspergers/ autism really helpful aswell as was Jaqui Jacksons book "multicoloured mayhem" but alas Ive found nothing on being an asperger parent.

perhaps we should write one and make our fortune

I have found little support in the real world but wrong planet (and this thread) has been a very strong source of support and knowledge for me

How to survive being an AS Parent! topic

Yes!! ! LotusBlossom! Capital idea!! ! (British phrase )

However, the subjects in the book would be varied and special, and there would be little on the children!!