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Im so livid and fuming with anger

CAMHS has just phoned up again to insist that I have a education wellfare officer visit

I said to the lady before, that I would phone them back after my exam on tuesday and I reiterated that to her and she said... "Oh Ive made an appointment for you to see the psychiatrist on tuesday can you move the exam"

I said no its an msc and very important! Bloody them

They said at the last appointment that we were not intitled to see a psychiatrist and havent let us see one for the entire year the weve been attending appointments at CAMHS The last appointment they were so rude to me that I decided not to go back and I cant believe that after being so very rude theyve decided we can see the psychiatrist I bet they only want to, so the psychiatrist can undiagnoses us!

grr I hate them so much so very very much

I hate it every time the cow phones I end up ruminating and being livid about it for days, I dont want my anger with her to ruin my exam. Every time I try reading my text book, I start getting cross again. I only have just got over the last phonecall and appointment, whys the f***er have to do this every time. A whole year of set downs and insults and Im not going to take it any more.

Ive writen them a letter saying to take me off there books and that were seeing the private doctor instead. The last time I tried getting off the books they got social services to threaten me that I was witholding medical treatment and therefore was neglecting my kids- since when was psychoanalyses medical treatment

I just dont want these battles. I was stupid to ask them for help in the first place as we do a better job on our own. I just was so niave to think that they would help, I should have known better

grr I hates them I hates them

Lotusblossom, that sounds so awful I don't know what to say, except that I hope they get off your back, and that you're ok.

Did you contact a homeschooling org/assoc ( I posted links of UK ones a few pages back), about this? Ask if they could recommend/provide a "witness"/support partner for the visits.

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ugh sounds a nightmare lotusblossom

if i were you id disconnect your phone(s) and try and focus on the exam, easier said than done i know

good luck!

welcome to the thread!

Thanks Ouinon!

I have not got round to contacting those links yet as I was hopeing that the CAMHS would leave me alone but I will get on to them straight after my exam!

Drybones- Great advice! I think I will try and get a phone that shows the number of who is calling.

back to the revision books urgh

I notice that other moms do a lot more for their kids than I do. I had assumed this was a mistake on their part, impeding independence and getting the kids used to having a personal assistant. But now that I realize I am close to AS, I'm wondering if I've just been really insensitive. For example, other moms drive their kids to school and soccer practice, I make my 11 and 13 year olds walk (its less than a mile). Other moms make the kids a snack after school, I figure they can get it themselves. Other moms cook what their kids like, I cook healthy food and if they won't eat it, they can make themselves a bowl of cereal or frozen pizza. I will wash their clothes and fold them if they put them in the hamper. But they never do so they end up doing their laundry themselves. That's for my 11 and 13 year olds. For my 4 year old, I make her what she wants when she wants it because she cannot cook herself and I pick up her laundry all over the house. Other mom's of 4 year olds seem to drop whatever they are doing whenever the kids has a request because they like the interaction, whereas I say "you can do that yourself, I'm busy" if its true or "I can do it when I'm done with this". I also notice other moms facilitate the play at play dates by making suggestions, helping set stuff up, playing with them sometimes, giving constant guidance and input, etc. Whereas when my kids have a friend over, I figure its my time off and I leave them to their own devices so I can get a break. What do you guys think of that?

Speaking as a dad, rather than mom, I've felt the same.



Well I don't think so. However, maybe my judgement is due to AS I value independance more than most, so I do try and encourage my children to do things themselves that are within their capability. When younger I always needed to be independant as for some (then unknown, now diagnosed) reason, I could never rely on support from others. The idea of depending on others seems very fragile and scary to me, so it's natural to encourage independance.



A lot of that is to do with the social standards of the other moms. Competing to be the most popular, nothing to do with an independantly considered view on how best to raise children. It horrifies me to hear mothers planning more and more extravagant and expensive parties for their kids. I don't think it's what the children really want and I don't think it's doing them any good. However, eventually, the kids will absorb these messages and become good consumers of junk. I'd like to dump the whole lot of them in the Kalahari desert for a lesson on what's *really* important in life.

The parental intervention that is vital is that of safety. This is a problem I've seen where a bunch of parents (well, usually moms) are so busy chatting , they fail to notice their children doing something *really* dangerous until alerted by the screams. I kid you not, but my children have been rushed to casualty 4 times in their lives, every time they were with their mom and every time when I asked "what happened?" she replied "Well, I didn't see because I was just chatting to so-and-so who I haven't seen for ages and she was telling me about.....blah blah etc etc etc" (although I shouldn't be laughing as the injuries inlcuded broken bones and a rusty nail impaled right through the hand)

heres a bit of sychronisity!

Someone on Aspie Village forum has asked if parents with AS would like to contribute to his book on being a parent with AS.


You can write about the positives and negatives and anything you want to.

he said that it was a good idea to ask you guys if you wanted to contribute and sent me some info to forward to you.

If you pm me your email address I will forward you the attachments on what to write and who to send it to and some examples and more info about the book.

Im writing my bit this weekend, how exciting!

I went to see the private consultant psychologist and she agreed with CAMHS that Iam a waste of space and a crap mother.

I just cant take anymore rejection.

I am so gutted as she was so nice when I saw her before and I really liked her. Everyone hates me and all the people I meet think I am a bad mother. It just hurts so much. I wish people didnt all hate me and I wish I could stop doing whatever I am doing to make them think that. I wish I could make people know I am a good mum.

I just am so gutted with it all. I think whats the point of not drinking alcohol if everyone thinks you suck anyway. Whats the point of working so hard at parenting and home schooling if everyone thinks you suck at it. If everyone thinks I suck when I am trying my best I really dont see the point.

These last few years Ive just been rejected and rejected by everyone that I know and I just cant take any more. I need at least one person that is not a blood relative to like me, its just too crap.

Ive ordered some son-rise books to try that program with the kids and if that doesnt work I am going to put them in care and drink my self into oblivion.

I just wish someone liked me, so many people cant be wrong, if so many people hate me I must be so unlikable and rubbish.

Any psychologist capable of expressing this kind of opinion about a client/patient is not competent. They may well be depressed; it is a common problem amongst mental-health workers.

Are they AS-knowledgeable? ie: familiar with the problems AS have in expressing themselves appropriately/socially "normally"/acceptably, and therefore able to see past any "socially-abnormal" ways you have of expressing yourself ?

Have you got in touch with a homeschooling association so that you feel less alone with all this?

Do not take it personally. The fact that the psy sank to such depths of personal criticism is more of a reflection on them than on you.

Having said all that I know that one reason why I almost entirely avoid contact with social services/bureaucratic administrative bodies of any kind is that I too have tended to very quickly feel criticised, disapproved of, generally negated, by most of the people who work for them.

Could you move, and avoid making such contacts in a new place?

You said another time that you had talked with a friend after a similarly sh***y series of interactions. So there is at least one person who does not think that you are a waste of space.

And I for one don't believe you are! Best wishes. Take care.

PS: Alcohol has been called "jet propelled" food-allergen, in that many kinds are based on cereals, or corn, use chemicals which many people are sensitive to, or fruit high in salicylates which many are intolerant of, and generally exacerbate any sugar and/or yeast-intolerance problems you might have. So need to think about how it might be acting, with awful effect, as a replacement source of foods that you are sensitive to and that you are otherwise excluding.

I have found coffee a reliable, and apparently relatively harmless, anti-depressant.

Good luck, Lotus.

Last edited by ouinon on 16 Oct 2008, 7:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

hi Ouinon

the psychologist is an asd expert and she had been really nice before so I dont understand the change?

I will avoid getting help in future as it just makes me feel worse. I think I am better off avoiding people and being happy than seeing "therapists" and feeling terrible.

My friend who I saw before is no longer talking to me.... I just so suck and cant seem to make any friendships.

I wont drink as Ive learned my lesson with that before. I will read more Thich Naht Hahn and susen jeffers books and do more yoga. I will even make the effort to listen to my louise hay affermation cd.

I wish I could just get it right.

I am glad you think well of me, it means a lot.

I feel such a failure

Yes, that is odd/puzzling. Maybe she was having a bad day?


I think that you have succeeded incredibly well. I have only one child ( a relatively gifted AS boy), and am not a single parent. Whereas you have two children, both of whom sound very difficult to deal with at times, and also you are handling all that on your own. I can totally understand your feeling overwhelmed and thoroughly disenchanted/fed up with the whole situation on a regular basis, because I have often done in my own "relatively" easy one.

You are not a failure. But I realise that it can feel that way. I have had some awful days/weeks, months, even years as a mother.

Hugs.

re: friends: I have been managing to capsize friendships for several years now, and most of the time have no idea what I have done wrong. It was easier when I was a footloose and fancy-free dope-smoking alternative type, than it is as a mother.

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Are you sure that's what was meant? I'm surprised one would be so bluntly negative. Could it be that you've taken the intitial negative judgement further than was intended?

It looks like you don't need any more negative judgements, you need support so why can't these people offer some help? It is their job after all. Did they have any bright suggestions to fix what they see as a problem?

It's sad that some of the worst mothers are those who *think* they are the best, wandering around in a dream reinforced by their popularity. The fact that you think about your mothering ability probably means you're not as bad as you think. Perhaps you're comparing yourself with too high a standard of perfection?




This really could be better in the short term, at least. Gives you some space to regain perspective. Therapists thrive on us feeling terrible. Not just financially, but they get a big boost from feeling 'superior' to us who they are judging. They feed their ego's by imagining themselves as healers when in fact their trade is little regulated and their success rates are arguable as they are rarely empirically measured.

BTW With regard to your previous message about the email address for the AS parent book, I sent you a PM but I just noticed it's not in my Outbox. This has happened to me several times recently, I'm probably closing the PC before it's sent or something. Did you receive it? If not, I'll send it again.

Actually I wanted to ask if anyone else has found parenthood seriously reducing their capacity for/ability to make friendships.

I ask because I don't know if it is all/partly language related ( with my living in France the last 10 years, and consequently missing many of the spoken cues that I used to concentrate on to make up for body language), or whether it is "advancing"/worsening AS as get older, , or parenthood, but I have not managed to make a single new friendship which has lasted for more than a couple of months before foundering since becoming a mother.

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Thanks ManErg

I did not get your pm, try sending it again


Ouinon- re friends,
I have found it much harder to make friends as a mum. Its hard as I cant hang out and meet like minded people, most of the people I do meet are mothers and I have often not got anything in common with them except having kids. My kids are quite naughty so if I make a friend they are unlikely to want us round trashing there house, and on and on.

Absolutely, yes. I'm not sure exactly why, though. (but I'll hazard a guess.....)

Several different factors, interracting. For one, something I've suspected and mentioned elsewhere, it's much easier to make friends in your 20's than at other times. Assuming a Western Anglo-American cultural bias, people are having children towards the end of the 20's. Many NT's become less open-minded and tolerant once they've had children and get locked into a career, hence harder to be friends with.

Children take up a lot of energy, Aspies need energy to socialise. When the children have finally gone to bed, I have no energy to interact with another, I want to devote quality time to whatever interest is absorbing me at present.

Careers and jobs can also drains 'socialising energy' and these tend to get more serious as you get older. Between demanding kids and a demanding boss, neither of which you had when younger, it's no surprise you have no energy left for socialising.

Of course the key point is that socialising DRAINS an Aspie, but recharges an NT. So we avoid it if our energy has gone elsewhere.