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First, MichelleRM78, sorry about the tangent. If you'd prefer that we take it to another thread or something, please let us know.

Part of the difference is that I was using a different definition of shyness - I was using a functional definition, roughly "people who don't do a lot of social interaction." That would certainly include most aspies, though you've convinced me it's broader than that.

For myself I was certainly considered very shy as a child and at least through my 20s. It wasn't because I was afraid of social interaction. Rather, it was because I just wasn't interested in social interaction, as it seemed so pointless. I don't think people were incorrect in calling me shy, though.

I'm not sure what definition Michelle was using, but I'm sure she's getting plenty of information for any definition now!


If by "many" you mean "most", forgive me for being skeptical after 49 years worth of interactions with them. Note that by "logical" I mean "always or almost always logical, ignoring things like facial expressions in favor of the plain meaning of the words", and by "assume goodwill", I mean "assume goodwill even in the presence of apparent social cues to the contrary". Specifically, I was substituting "assume goodwill" for "lack a theory of mind"; it's not that we don't understand that other people have mental states, it's just that we don't or can't guess others' mental states from their expressions, so we have to make an assumption - with the default assumption being that they have the goodwill to say honestly what they mean, like we do.

To put it another way, it seems to me you do a very good job of not mistaking bluntness for rudeness, and I don't think most neurotypicals do as good a job at that.

Ah, yes, that one did take a little training and learning about AS. While the NT world teaches a little leeway for that, it doesn't teach quite as much as some AS need. One learns that by posting at some of the more activist AS forums, because it's a matter of survival

One thing I've done modding this parenting board is try to teach some of our contributing AS members to choose their words a little more carefully, because we can't educate parents if we scare them away. Our members have done a wonderful job of adapting their style for this board, and I give them credit. Once parents get used to everyone they successfully venture to the rest of WP without freaking out at the bluntness. The education runs both ways.

I guess you and I had some differences in definition Just to note, where I live, the recognition of AS is getting pretty good, so that recently when an NT mom was saying how much she disliked this one father for his rudeness, all I had to say was, "I suspect he is AS, but I don't know if he realizes it" and she realized she needed to let up on him.