If your child is bullied at school what tips do you give?

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Based on what I wrote, above, I would say responsibility is shared. It starts with the philosophies kids are taught by parents AND schools AND communities, and requires reinforcement from those in authority in schools, and further requires a certain level of funding from the state at large to make it happen.

Kids are responsible first and foremost for their actions, but you don't solve anything unless you look around them and work on their influences and supervision, as well.

Where do you begin to address the problem? Day 1, Kindergarten, and solidify through the elementary school with a philosophy that uniqueness is something to be appreciated, that no one is better than anyone else, and might does not make right. Have fun with that in some areas - not everyone thinks that way. But I think it is the essential place to start. Once you allow any, "he brought it on himself" to creep in, you've handed the bullies a license.

DW - I think it's really great that other kids stepped in and intervened on behalf of your son. That probably has more to do with the values they have been taught at home than anything else.

While it is true that these are things we MUST begin teaching kids in kindergarten and follow through with each year; the basic values begin in the home. Parents (or whomever a child is being rasied by) are the people that have the first and greatest impact upon what a child's 'code of behavior' is and how they view (respect) others.

I've always found it very strange - you need a licence to drive a car. You have to be a certain age to vote, drink or join the military. You can't legally sign a contract until you're 18. You have to have a license for your dog... But A-N-Y-O-N-E can have a kid. Any age, no training, no questions asked and no holding you responsible for how you raise them (unless you harm the child - but even then - you've HARMED the child...) But you can't be held accountable for neglecting to show/teach your child to be kind, compassionate, respectful and decent.

The problem is if the kid is fighting back, he may be subject to zero tolerance laws. In some cases, your child can be sent to juvenile hall for fighting back against punks. Just sue them or report the punks to the police.

Here in Canada, kids don't go to juvenile hall for defending themselves against bullies.They may get suspended or get detention if the school is run by liberals who blindly follow some halfarced zero tolerance policy..It they do go to court, they are subject to the same laws as anyone else, which means they have the legal defence of saying that they acted in self defence and if the court rules they were acting in self defence, the charges are dropped.If they are guilty, they will most likely get something like probation or community service.

In elementary school, i was fortunate enough to go to a school run by a principal with common sense at the time.i was being picked on by bullies and defended myself accordingly. The bullies were grade 8 boys and I was in the fourth grade.They cornered me but i picked up a dead tree branch and struck a bully in the face with it. He had to get stitches at the hospital. The bullies got suspended for bullying me, and I did not get punished.The principal ruled that I was acting in self defence.

One word: Karate. My son started in middle school. The karate school we selected not only teaches self-defense, but it also teaches self-discipline, respect for authority figures of both genders, self confidence, relaxation techniques that can be used to handle anger, and organizational skills. We're also using the experience to teach my son responsibility, because the school is within a bike ride of the house and it is his responsibility to get himself there and back on time. Furthermore, there absolutely is a social element to the school...all of the teachers and students are very friendly and encourage one another, and it is like a nurturing little community that my son belongs to. He loves it, and we have seen positive growth in less than a year. I'm not saying its right for everyone, but it sure has been good for us...and I don't have to worry about physical harm/bullying anymore.

I think in most cases, trying to teach an autistic child to actually fight back is like trying to push a cat out from under stairs with a wet rope.

The state mandates that children will attend school, and the states tells them what school they will attend. Consequently, the state is 100% responsible for the environment. However, they are not held accountable. It will take some serious lawsuits before bullying is addressed to any worthwhile degree.

In our area of North Carolina, bullying is always "handled" after the fact. By handled, I mean that administration has cleared themselves of any lack of adhering to policy. Without video evidence or written depositions from eyewitnesses, it didn't happen. The victim and the offender are met with separately lots of worthless talk is provided. The victim is made to feel guilty and the offender is told to be nice. That ought'a show'em! In the meantime, the middle schoolers are allowed to be unsupervised in the locker room - even though fights break out all the time.

The child who will not fight back can expect the humiliation to get worse every year. It is the system we allow. It is the system we have created.

But it can be addressed. I do know of schools that take a proactive role in controlling bullying. Children are not left unsupervised, bullying incidents are actually investigated, and bullies are actually punished. In those few schools, children know that if they bully, they will probably get caught. And they also know that if they get caught, it will be very unpleasant. Those schools have very little bullying.

Those schools are not run by the state.

After an incident at my son's school, I demanded they supervise the locker room, and I didn't let go until I had a promise they would. And I've been following up on them, too.

No lawyers. Just stubborn. And, well, I was RIGHT. Apparently I have a gift of moral conviction, that people will actually listen to. Not just feeling I'm right, but being able to convey that I am. In person, at least.

The public school now supervises. More or less ... not as good as I would ideally like, we live in a reality of budget cuts and union contracts, but it's progress.

I'll have to remember that. I always thought they gave up and just did what I wanted them to do because they got sick of hearing me bit@h about it... And to think all this time I thought I was just a naggy Momwitch when I was actually 'morally convicted'..

ROFL!

Well, I base that on what a former boss once told me. I don't think I would have seen myself that way if he hadn't expressed it that way to me. Both reasons can be effective: annoying v. moral conviction, but I'd like to think I'm not usually annoying. Hey, the school principal over there still likes me. Maybe they are really good actors? Or I really am that gullible?

I've had my go-arounds... I usually choose my battles wisely, I never back down if I know I'm right and I always make sure I'm armed to the gills with factual information or I have a solid moral or ethical basis for my 'war'. I know some people don't appreciate the way I am, but those that do are the ones that matter the most to me. And really - it's been very good for my relationship with the schools and the teachers. Heck the bus driver knows me and doesn't hesitate to call me if she sees something is up with the kids.

Plus I'm blessed with a husband that really appreciates my 'willingness to speak out' when necessary. Guess I'm a squeaky wheel and proud of it!