Parenting your pre-teen...sigh

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Thank you for advice. We do try to talk alot and I have to admit he has "opened" more over the past couple years (he hugs me which he never did and he's starting to realize others feelings when I cried b/c of a "really" bad situation that happened and he said he was sorry I was upset, that was touching).

I hope by the end of grade 8 things become more black and white lol. At least one can wish.

lol.

liloleme wrote:

azurecrayon wrote:

that argument reminds me of a conversation i heard this morning, as my 6 yr old was talking to his 4 yr old brother. "Daddy is 38. And Mommy is 38. They are WAY old.".

Wow, Im 42...I should be dead by now !

I'm 46...and a half! It's a miracle I can still type.

I think I'd have a heart attack if my 9 year old did that LOL.

SteveBorg wrote:

MsLeeLoo wrote:

I think plenty NT folks also do a lot of "lamebook" stuff on facebook, myself included Maybe not lamebook worthy, but facebook fails are pretty common anyway. The fact he's got an account and people add him I'd put along the lines of being in pretty ok shape socially. That being said, I'm not letting any of my kids on it until they're in high school-- that's *my* social network!

Interesting that you are not going to let your kids go on until high school. I'm beginning to think that would be a good way to go for my own son, who is a very young 11. Although he has friends who are on Facebook, I'm thinking offline is the best way for him to connect. But I may be wrong...other thoughts from others?

If you're going to let him on at age 11 he's going to have to lie about his birthday. If a kid gets themselves on Facebook at that age they must set up a dummy email address and pretend to be their own parent and give themselves permission to do it. Not exactly brain surgery for them to figure out. I've had these same goofball kids tell me I don't belong on Facebook because I'm too young. Hello? I didn't have to lie and pretend to be my mother to get on.

I found a little girl on there who looked like she was maybe 9. She was scantily dressed and posing in provocative ways. She sent me a friend request because of some game we both played. The first picture I saw of her looked a little off but I wasn't sure. I went to her page and saw what was going on. Old men were telling her to pose "nicer" and saying "Oh, I like that outfit can you bend over more" and stuff like that. I reported it and she disappeared. I truly hope they tracked down her parents and got her some help. These guys were bald and in their thirties and forties, hadn't even pretended to be kids or anything.

I looked for something for kids similar to facebook or somewhere for aspies other than here and I have yet to find something yet.

I run my own personal websites and anyone can create a forum but facebook is all programming (not my cup of tea).

Our kids need somewhere to socialize or learn how to.

Could someone let me know if there's somewhere.

Hence my newest thread

My son has had facebook for about a year (he's 14). We have lots of friends from church who friend him, but I am amazed at the number of kids from school who have friended him -- I don't think he has been interested enough to send out his own friend requests to many people. He plays the games, sometimes, but rarely uses it to interact with others. I think it's ok for him to have, and I occasionaly lurk on his page just to make sure nobody is giving him a hard time. So far, so good.

Lurking on things like facebook to make sure our children are safe is part of good parenthood, and is NOT being nosy. We did this same sort of thing with our older daughter, and caught her in a somewhat bad situation with an older boy before it got truly bad. That was a hallmark moment in her growing up years, and helped to shape the fine young woman she has become. We do not try and get in her way, and we don't do it often, but we have done it in the past. It's especially important to do for our young people on the spectrum, as often they cannot distinguish between true friends and bad types who are there to purely take advantage of them or mess with their minds.

Having said that, facebook can by a nice tool that involves technology (which our children on the spectrum enjoy) and socializing in a controlled environment. I think the best thing for our kids is to observe, observe, observe other people's interactions. They can learn much this way without taking any social risks themselves. I am always telling my son to quietly observe at school without making any jokes or comments. He isn't mature enough to make pertinent comments at school currently -- but he can learn much by observing. By the time he's in his latter years of high school, his maturity may have caught up or come close to his peers, and he can then joke around and spout his opinions with impunity . . .

I think everything you said is wonderful and I wish the kids in his class were as helpful but the teacher has pretty much taught them to tolerate him instead of understand him. New year starts and we'll move on from this experience.

My son (12) realises everyone else in his class is on facebook but isn't interested. (everyone else in his class is also eating junk food and not interested in science. Why should he care what they do??) He has a twitter account and uses it well.

I think this "not giving in to peer pressure" thing is one of the strongest points in Aspies. Why go with the flow? When have people who went with the flow ever done anything amazing?