How to handle Church?

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Thank you all for your comments, and for your kind concern about my daughter and about my faith. There are many nuances to these situations which are difficult to express fully on a limited post.

1) For our family, going to church has very little to do with Religion. I am sorry and I truly do not wish to offend any believers out there. Church is important because it provides structure, which is important for my kids (particularly my AS girl). Church is important because it provides us with links to the community. Church is important because it provides a safe place for my daughter to practice her social skills on a weekly basis. (Her new school does NOT have the capacity to offer the excellent social skills program available in our last neighborhood). Church is important because it reinforces values, such as commitment to community, performing acts of charity and kindness, conducting oneself as a "moral citizen" which are important to me. Currently, I am a pretty agnostic type of person. Furthermore, I was raised as a Jew. You do not need to worry that I am forcing her to "believe" in anything nor to take anything on faith. (She is ENCOURAGED to read her own books during the service)

2) Her screams that I described here where all done with a SMILE ON HER FACE. These are her standard screams. She absolutely loves the look of shock on people's faces and has learned that if she screams YOU ARE HURTING ME in a crowded place EVERYONE turns to look. She does this in restaurants, grocery stores, if there is a long line at the ice cream stand. If for 1 minute I had any reason to believe she was in physical, psychological, or spiritual pain we would have walked out. To her the screaming is a pretty standard game. The only reason I asked for help was that I was feeling pretty humilitated that she was doing it in a church. I was posting this in hopes of easing my own social anxiety in a situation where I felt pressured to "look like a good mom."

After a month of church, she really seems to like it. Last week she chose a fancy frilly dress and made me buy it for her "special church dress." She has made friends!! !! Not only is she friends with some kids there, but she had an extended conversation with the elderly lady about dinosaurs. There is another woman there who I don't really know, but who my daughter greeted when we ran into running errands yesterday. These are all significant social milestones for her! That the lady chose to pull me aside and talk about her grandson has eased my own social anxiety enormously. Today my daughter ASKED to help bake treats for the Church picnic!! ! This is a child who hates anything homemade! She actuallly remembers that church will be having a picnic! She is excited about and making plans for a social event!!

So, all told, I will no longer bother ya'll with my church business. To the believers out there, maybe one day I will be a believer. I truly hope it doesn't offend you that we are going to church for other reasons. To the people concerned about my daughter's well being, thank you for caring about us. The positive changes in my daughter really do show me that I am doing the right thing for her. I can totally understand why this would not be the right choice for other kids or other families, our circumstances are a bit strange.

Thankyou for taking the time to explain your reasons for going to church so openly. I attended church for six years as a child, but the only aspect I enjoyed was the music. Traditional hymns sung in four part harmony remain a passion of mine - but I remain an unbeliever.

In retrospect, the social events that the church organised were probably an important part of my childhood. Such gatherings were usually 'safe' for me because other children were generally well behaved and any disputes were quickly smoothed out by the adults. I particularly enjoyed the monthly walks that they organised. We would all pile into cars after the Sunday morning service and drive to a pre-arranged location to hike around the countryside.

Even if you 'found faith' yourself, it sounds as if you will make an ideal sounding board for any questions your daughter may have on the subject of religion later in life.

I seriously doubt that anyone with faith will find it offensive that you attend church for the reasons that you do. Any christian church worth its salt is about community first and belief second. That might sound a touch controversial to some of the more hardcore fanatics out there, but in my view the concepts of community and altruism form the most important message in the bible.

Thanks for sharing Penguin Mom. I do consider myself a devoted Catholic Christian committed to a life of following the teachings of Jesus Christ. I don't consider myself a fanatic. But, I can say, I am SO NOT offended by the reasons that you are going to church. I think it is terrific that you have found an environment that is accepting and safe and structured for your daughter. It sounds like things are going well, and I am glad she is making friends. It takes a lot of courage sometimes on our part to step out of our comfort zone to do something that we feel will be beneficial to our children. I too, don't like attention brought to myself when my son does something out of the ordinary, but I am learning more and more to just let it go.

All of us are on a different journey in life, and if you are meant to become a believer, I believe it will happen in
God's time. In the meantime, I am glad that you have found a church that is welcoming to you and your family.

It might be, as you say, right for you and your husband but it sure doesn't sound like it's right for her. I'd say get a sitter and stop forcing her to go to such a horrible dinosaur free place.

You're missing the latest update.

It doesn't sound to me like the child is being harmed in the least.