My daughter is saying disturbing things-what do I do?

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Okay, this is a little bit hard for me to explain, I'm going to try. I have such a laser beam focus that when it drops I feel lost. As an adult, maybe the clearest example, sitting down at a real cash poker game in Atlantic City or Las Vegas, the first 20 minutes I'm on, every timber, every texture, even the colors seem more vivid, the sounds more rememberable. Doesn't mean I always win of course (good players play aggressive with medium good hands), but I bring my A game.

I can see a movie, and if it's a good movie I'm into, again I can remember every timber, every voice inflection. In fact, several times I have discussed a movie with someone who just saw it last night or a couple of days ago, and I saw the movie several years ago, and the person is just blown away how much I remember.

Okay, I can remember driving back from week long Boy Scout summer camp around age 12 or 13, and it's like this tremendous energy slumps and/or it's not the social venue where it can be productively used. So, this one boy is being goofy and playing with his spit and holding his spit like on a piece of grass close to someone's face. And I kind of phased down and got ready to go to sleep (which I think I would now view as meditation). He said something like that I 'can't take these long campouts' Hurt it more than it should. I always want to excel at whatever proffered standard there is. Whereas it more about friendship and connection and winnning as a time. My Mom likes to stand and bask, she's probably more on the spectrum than I am, and I picked up a lot of that.

Well, that's as static as that can be. It's not the ping-ponging back and forth of a healthy conversation, and potentially an enjoyable, productive, interesting, engaging conversation. So, yeah, I can slide into a mood of all sending-no receiving. I actually give good speeches. I would speak before city council up to three minutes, and people would follow what I'm saying, and it felt really good.

so I adding to my skill set, it's not always about 'excelling' and awards and attention. in fact, it's usually not about 'excelling' and awards. Those tend to be the exception. But those are the parts that school tends to push.

And even now in my forties, I am still adding to my skill set, of course I am!

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giving myself permission to understand something in a loosey-goosey fashion, give myself permission to follow something in a loosey-goosey fashion

studying zen (in a thoroughly nonchalant way!) casually practicing accepting myself just as I am, casually practicing accepting other people just as they are. Understanding that imperfections are sometimes some of the best parts, they add feel and texture to life. and how boring it would be if we were all 'perfect' and what a silly standard that is anyway

Okay, people arent' interested in some of the same intellectual topics that I am, people tend to accept whatever system there is, governmental, corporate, job, whatever, and tend to blame the individual rather than the system. Now, those combined hurt, in part because I'm excluded, and that my good traits aren't viewed as good traits. Okay, so people are smart in their own ways, and people are rebels and reformers and humanitarians in their own way, I guess. This one I am kind of still working on.

My daughter had a bad evening tonight and became itchy all over. She was scratching herself and this escalated into her slapping herself in the face. This is very, very alarming to me. She hasn't had this sort of self abusive behavior in the absence of a huge meltdown in a very long time.

I made an appt with a psychiatrist. I am waiting to see if they will escalate us to an immediate appt or if we have to wait 3 weeks.

Forgive me, but I have only read excerpts of this thread after your initial post.

My first impression is that your daughter exhibits a lot of signs of possible OCD, which others have mentioned. If this began with SSRI medication, definitely mention this to any doctors you take her to about it, because they will likely want to prescribe more SSRIs and that could be a huge setback.

Obviously there is the issue of the boy, and I would make very certain that (a) he is never allowed around your child again and (b) his parents are made aware of this. Also, encourage your daughter to talk about this as needed and make sure she knows that you are not mad or upset at her in any way and that she should never keep a secret like that from you.

OCD is a living hell. Many, many, many people with OCD have made similar statements about wishing they were dead. Instead of making her feel bad about saying that, help her understand what she really wants - people who wish to die do not want death, they want freedom from the pain they are in. Tell her you understand that, and let her know you want to help her. Launching into a discussion about death and what it means and why she shouldn't say it just feeds her negative thoughts, it does nothing to aid the situation. I do understand as a parent that such words probably cut you to the core (my daughter is roughly the same age), but don't let the shock of her words distract you from the fact that she is just a little girl who obviously feels a desperate sense of helplessness - common with OCD at any age.

If the counselors you are seeing just can't 'get' her, you're finding the wrong ones. Sadly, that is all too common. It takes a lot of time and effort to find a good counselor, usually.

I hope I have helped. And I sincerely hope you can find a professional who can 'get' your daughter. I don't think she is all that complicated, really. The best bet, I think, would be to look for a therapist who specializes in treating children through cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Best of luck to you both.

Hi Mama to Grace-

I have been following this thread, and although I don't have any advice to give, I am thinking of you and your daughter and hoping and praying that the right doctor will come along to help your daughter. No child should have to be that anxious and upset at 7 yrs. old. Hang in there, and please keep us posted.......

Thanks everyone. The psychiatrist's office called this morning to say they wouldn't esclate the appt. And because I am opposed to just trying meds they don't want to see her in Sept either. They suggested a Child Psychologist.

I am so frustrated with the system! You either have to try all the meds they push or you're on your own. I feel as though if someone took the time to try to understand my daughter nd figure out why her behaviors are occurring instead of just medicating the symptoms we could ctually make some progress.

I am now going to try to find a Child Psychologist who practices CBT.

StatMama, your post rings very true. I must not tell her she can't say things like "I want to be dead" and then on the other hand tell her "you can tell me anything". I just feel so lost in trying to help her. She has trouble verbalizing why she's miserable, perhaps she doesn't even know why herself.

I know the doctor search is so extremely hard and frustrating.

We spent a lot of money, and our insurance paid a lot of money, to get our diagnosis. I feel like it saved us years, compared to what I hear a lot of other people going through. We went to a child neuropsychologist. They are different than a psychiatrist or psychologist. We had a butt load of testing done. It was well worth the money because of the time we saved going from doc to doc. Every doc will look at it only from their own discipline of study, rather than being open minded. It's not really their fault. They are just using their training. But neuropsych's look at everything, every possibility, every discipline.

One of the things I find so unfortunate about both the medical and psych fields is their overuse of prescription medication. Sure, sometimes it is needed, but many times it is a matter of making their jobs easier instead of doing what is best for the person because patient compliance can be the biggest sticking point. I'm glad you are pursuing different avenues to help your daughter, rather than just taking that approach. Don't get discouraged! This is not an easy road, but you are heading in the right direction.

Kids get strep all the time, which would make it hard to make the connection with PANDAS because with that large data pool there would potentially be a whole lot of coincidences. Still, I'm thinking trying an antibiotic, relatively non-invasive, might be enough upside to be worth it. Although of course obviously far from a sure thing.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/22/magaz ... ted=3&_r=3
page 3: “ . . . Swedo took the 109 rapid-onset cases and narrowed those to 50 that met her Pandas criteria, which means that 59 cases were triggered by something other than strep throat. . . ”

Okay, so roughly 50-50. Actually, slightly less than 50-50. Still might be worth a try.

And if it's non-Pandas, plain-old OCD, there are medications that help. The problem is that doctors get huffy when the first medication doesn't work, or think the side effects are worth it, when in some cases they clearly are not (and sure, fine, I'll amend that, some doctors . . . some doctors get huffy, etc etc)

And what is lost is any sense of medium touch, let's try it and see, and if it doesn't work, graciously back off, no problem, and then we can be open to trying something else.

And at times, there's even a social negotiation. "Let's try it just a little longer . . " Essentially, you are being asked to, well, let's pretend like it works, And that's just no good at all!

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Yes, you might be able to find a big city doctor who has seen it once or twice in the last year or so, and those big city doctors can be plenty smart.

However, however, some of these country doctor are really smart individuals, too, and with a sense of curiousity and wanting to help your daughter, could try the most likely thing, be willing to graciously back off, and then with that added information, try what is then the most likely thing. (and as a person with Asperger's adding to my social skills, yeah, that kind of communicative process can be highly, highly advantageous)

A medical student once explained to me, with a phobia, let's say a dog phobia, something as straightforward as possible, you want to avoid either of two extremes. One extreme is to avoid all dogs, even changing directions when walking, even avoiding the possibility of dogs. The other extreme is to get the meanest, nastiest dog you can find and then put your face right in the dog's face. Not a good idea. Too much. Instead, you want to medium-touch it. Okay, here's this friendly yellow lab. Maybe we'll pet the dog, maybe we won't, and either way is perfectly okay.

And so, with some of my obsessive-compulsive struggles. Okay, I'm not a 100 percent sure I turned the stove off. I cannot specifically remember turning it off and be sure that it's this time. Okay, if I want to go back and check the stove, sure, I can go back and check the stove. And if not, if I don't want to go back and check, that's fine, too. And so, by talking with myself about it this way, I kind of have more of a sense of humor about the whole thing. And by giving myself permission to go back and check, and that kind of takes off some of the pressure, and in a paradoxical way, I often don't want to as much.

And then it's important to remember, many people struggle with one mental issue or another, some people with excess religiousity, with anxiety issues, depression, etc, etc. None of this makes a person less of a human being, or less included.

And very important, don't defer the good things in life. Don't focus only on the "problem." Whether it's seeing a movie, meeting the new kids in school, reading another book by a favorite author, maybe even getting a pet. Don't defer. Roll on with the good things, OCD or not.

Your daughter might be suffering from OCD.

Thinking "bad thoughts" which cause the person great distress is one of the hallmark symptoms of the disorder.

I've observed that in children with AS who also develop OCD, usually develop it around the age of 6 for some reason...

If it is OCD that is starting now, what would you do if this was your daughter? Would you pursue Psychiatrist diagnosis and meds? Or would you pursue CBT with a psychologist?

Is OCD present within the context of the pervasive developmental disorder or is a new separate dx?

I guess I have some research to do. Thanks everyone for your help.

It sound like she was raped or molested by the boy but doesn't know how to describe it. I would press charges on the little dick and make him suffer in prison.