Who does my son need to see to get the right help?

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Also, how he is holding his pencil is somewhat important right now while these habits can be modified. While the teacher is being too rigid in her attack, I do understand her position. If I were you I would work with him at home. We used "Handwriting Without Tears" and still go back to those techniques sometimes. My daughter still hates handwriting and still has very poor handwriting. But doing what you can NOW to help will lessen his burden later. There are pencil grips with finger slots that will force him into proper pencil grip as opposed to using a fist. An OT would use these techniques as well. He also may be a synesthetic learner and Handwriting without Tears starts with manipulatives in forming letters that helps these learners.

I sympathize with your school situation. You are going to have to fight like HELL to get him the proper supports. Do not back down! I had to pull my daughter out of public school due to their closed mindedness. Just support him like crazy at home and he will excel academically. Advocate for him at every difficult juncture!

And I must say, this is so emotionally exhausting. My husband and I have two kids. One a freshman in HS and one in kindergarten. Our oldest is gifted and has severe ADHD. We struggle with that and his homework on a daily basis. Then our youngest who is atypical on the autism spectrum (too much eye contact and desire for interaction to be classified as Asperger's or stronger Autism). I was a bright, goody two shoes kid who always did well in school. Went to college and got a master's. My husband is brilliant and got his PhD from the leading business school and is very highly regarded in his field. Two very academically and socially adept adults - with two kids who struggle with school with very different things. It is very hard. As I'm sure most of you know.

I know I am getting preachy and wordy here but I have a hard time conveying my thoughts sometimes.

I want to add that "Feel the fear and do it anyway" is an NT persepctive. Your son has a complex neurological makeup that doesn't allow for that perspective to be taken all the time. Look at school as a complex social interaction that your son doesn't have the capabilities to navigate. A stern and overbearing teacher worsens this. If you had a hot stove, you wouldn't say, feel the fear and put your hand on it anyway. Like a hot stove, school is a situation that your son may not be able to handle, and just gritting his teeth and going through it can be extremely damaging, like putting his hand on a hot burner. Your job is to lessen the burn and make school a safe place for him. Forcing him to interact when that provokes anxiety will not lessen the anxiety-it will cause him to be in a perpetual state of anxiety and studies show that anxious children grow into anxious adults. You have to wait for the neurological functioning to mature to a level where the anxiety is not so severe. In the meantime you have to lessen the social demands on him at school.

2berry - Use your educational training to help your child. My MBA has done squat for my career. I recently realized my MBA has helped me help my child. Through my degree, I learned: to be relentless and aggressive; not intimidated by school officials because I have the same education level as them; to be an excellent researcher; use many perspectives to solve a problem. Who would have thought my MBA would help my kids more than my career??? Use your training.

Also, hang in there. I know it is extremely exhausting. Many of us are in the same boat. I am single with no involvement from the other parent. I regularly have 8 - 12 doctor appointments per month between my two kids and work 50 hrs a week. Sometimes I work part-time too (freelance writer from home). In addition to my 10 year old with PDD-NOS and Mood Disorder-NOS I have a 1.5 year old with health problems (minor skeletal dysplasia, failure to thrive, suspected growth hormone deficiency). Not to mention my little one being at the age where he is constantly sick with a cold, ear infection, or most recently hand, foot, mouth and whooping cough.

It is HARD. I often feel like giving up or quitting my job because I just can't handle all of it.

You are working much harder than most parents are required to, don't ever forget that. You will make it through this maze and come out a better person.

2berry---just take it one day at a time. Go into the meeting with a positive attitude, and see if things can get worked out for your son at public school. Don't give up on it just yet. But, if it does come to homeschooling, then I am sure you and your husband will be able to work something out.

I can totally relate to what you are saying about the difference between you and your husband and your children. I graduated high school in the top 5% of my class, was very social, and went on to get my degree in accounting. My husband is more introverted, but is highly intelligent. He has a degree in math and a degree in computer engineering. I know it is going to be difficult for us to understand why our child will have difficulties in school. Sometimes I wonder if that is the cause of our son's autism----that he got too much of the "smart" gene. I am not bragging on myself, but I just wonder, if the combination of mine and my husband's genes just put him over the top!LOL!

Seriously.

Your kid wrote that sign, screw the F$#% pencil crap. I spent grade 1 to 3 with a snob of a teacher (Mrs. Horner) who was out to "train me" to do everything her way. They tried swapping LEFT handers to write RIGHT handed too, for years... and WHY? Vanity! All it did was cause stress and rebellion! The old biddy teaching your son is too militaristic in her approach and focused on something that is going to make your son HATE her. THIS is why he's doing crap at school - he hates his OPPRESSOR.

He's going to learn to hate school if he has to put up with her for the whole year. I suggest you either get him a new class/teacher or you call a meeting with just you, your kid and the teacher and discuss this handwriting issue and how very unimportant "style" is as long as "legibility and ability" is present.

If you DO get a new teacher - if that's possible around there - then do the meeting thing before your kid goes into her class. One on one, the teacher should be able to charm your kid (if she's in the right profession) and make a positive connection before an hour is up. Then he'll feel comfy in the classroom because he'll have a "comfy" teacher who's he has met and been comfy with in a comfy (one on one) situation.

Comfortable. It's the key to a happy ASD kid or adult. Can't say it enough. Comfy